WHAT RHYMES WITH NITZSCHKE?; `DIFFICULTIZSCHKE,' SAYS INAUGURAL POEM

A university president by any other name would be easier to rhyme.

Winners in Southeast Missouri State University's inaugural poetry contest all agreed on that point.

Even Southeast's president, Dr. Dale Nitzschke, admitted that his name is a challenge for any poet.

Student Daniel Alves of Brazil said in his first-place poem that trying to rhyme Nitzschke is "difficultizschke."

On Monday afternoon, more than 30 people crowded into an upstairs room in an old brick house on campus to hear the winning poems read.

The contest was open to English majors and minors, but faculty and area residents also entered just for the fun of it.

Cash prizes of $100, $50 and $25 were awarded for first-, second- and third-place inaugural poems.

But it was the Nitzschke-rhyming contest that brought out the laughs. For his winning entry, Alves received a book of the complete works of William Shakespeare.

Dr. Dale Haskell, associate professor of English, wrote a poem for the occasion. He rhymed Nitzschke with everything from "itsky-bitsky" to "English litsky."

Haskell served as master of ceremonies for Monday's poetry reading.

He and Dr. Jennie Cooper, an English professor, came up with the poetry contest as a way to celebrate the inauguration of Nitzschke as Southeast's 16th president.

Nitzschke and his wife, Linda, were among those who attended the poetry reading.

After the reading, Nitzschke praised the poets and poetry.

"It means a great deal to me," he said. Later, Nitzschke said he won't change his name, no matter the rhyme.

The contest generated more than three dozen poems.

"Kids still like poetry," said Cooper. "They still like to write it."

Most of the students, however, didn't enter the Nitzschke rhyming category.

"I don't write a lot of rhyming poetry," said English graduate student Christopher Worth, who won first place for his verse about the inauguration.

"We stand here, our toes on the threshold of, our future," his poem began.

Worth said poetry is difficult to define. "Poetry is a very liquid, fluid thing. It is different for everyone," he said.

A SAMPLING OF THE POEMS

"Rhyme"

By Daniel Alves

First place

I wonder if Nitzschke

ever wonder

Of his prosperous name...

For I can't find definition or rhyme

To go along his different fame

So hard would be

To look under the books

Beneath the meanings

Under the looks...

But who am I to guess?

I'd rather do

as many in this world

Facing an adversity...

I make up a word

to rhyme with this person Nitzschke

For I will say it is hard,

But he rhymes with difficultizschke...

Alves is a Southeast Missouri State University student from Brazil.

The following poems are from faculty and the community. They were not eligible for the competition.

"Inaugural Doggerel"

By Dale Haskell

Faculty member

From high school large

and itsky-bitsky,

To study math

or English litsky,

sound of mind

and physically fitsky,

ambitious, intelligent,

full of gritsky,

with gleams in eye

and books in mittsky,

the freshmen flock

to the school with Nitzschke.

"A Song for Dr. Nitzschke"

By David Kaempfer

Community member

If you wish to sing the praises of Southeast's new president, Dr. Dale Nitzschke,

The first question is, "In which key?"

I don't feel that a minor key would be at all appropos.

No! I'm absotively, posolutely certain that a major would be the way to go.

And, certainly you wouldn't want to cast aspersions by using a signature such as, say B-flat.

That wouldn't do at all. So what do you think of that!

The key of G, one sharp, would be great, and, "Praise the Lord."

Perhaps we could get Dr. G. Miller to accompany the singer on his harpsichord.

"Ballad of a President"

By Marc Strauss

Faculty member

Nitzschke's frisky, visiting history,

science and business and art.

Nitzschke's mystery, brethren and sistry:

He wakes us all with a start.

Fair weather or foul, from Parker to Grauel,

Dale's got a whale of a hale.

So while Nietzsche teachers, patters and preaches,

Nitzschke's straight from the heart.

And these two anonymous submissions from faculty members:

"Love's Labors Misplaced"

A weary old pedant (q.v.)

Seeking a full rhyme for Nitzschke,

At last cried Alas!

I'll let this one pass.

Such contests will never enrich me.

Untitled

We stood to sing our alma mater,

And all of us sang, as we oughter,

But President Nitzschke

Just couldn't find its key.

He covered by sipping his water.