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Writer: Goodbye readers (8/14/07)I started writing this column 13 years ago, uncertain where the journey would take me and the readers. I wrote about my children, not because I wanted to boast but rather because I wanted to share the joys and challenges of raising children in a humorous way...
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Daughter driving to learn left from right (8/7/07)These are the dog days of summer when children often get bored with their lazy existence but are still in denial about the upcoming start of another school year. Thankfully, life's not boring when you have a teenager. Becca has spent the summer behind the wheel every chance possible. I can't even sneak out to the convenience store to gas up the car without her rushing ahead of me to get into the driver's seat...
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Dad finds art in compliments (7/31/07)In the nation's capital, a red and white-striped box has been complimenting passers-by on a busy street. "You have nice eyes," the colorful box tells some people. Other compliments include: "You are an excellent driver," and "you smell great."...
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Beckham's celebrity status draws fans (7/24/07)Becca likes Beckham. She ripped a close-up photo of the soccer star and heartthrob out of my Sports Illustrated magazine and took it up to her bedroom for safekeeping. Our 15-year-old has nothing but good things to say about Beckham. She thinks he's cute. She likes his style. Being married to a Spice Girl doesn't hurt either...
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Dad finds parenting rewards (7/10/07)The news was surprising to me. Fewer Americans see children as key to a good marriage, the headline read. A national survey found that children ranked eighth out of nine on a list of factors that people associate with successful marriages. As a guy who has been married for 27 years and has two daughters, I can't imagine not being a dad...
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Outer space lacks tourist attractions (7/3/07)Some investors are betting that space tourism will pay off. A recent news story said the industry got a boost last month when a Boston investment group backed a private rocket company developing a spaceship that will take off and land like an airplane...
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Family fond of fake ferns (6/26/07)Four ferns hang from metal hooks on our back porch. "Are they real?" a friend asked recently. I had to confess that they were artificial ferns. Plastic is an amazing substance. But I was thrilled that my friend had to ask the question to be sure. My wife, Joni, and I don't have a green thumb between us...
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Santas take to summer schooling (6/19/07)I never figured Santa would attend summer school. But that was before I read the Associated Press story about the International University of Santa Claus, a traveling school that helps Santas be better Santas. Educators are fond of talking about life-long learning. Well, apparently it applies not just to us mere mortals but also to Santa Claus...
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Technology tells us where to go (6/12/07)Almost every vacationing family has gotten lost at one time or another. Our family gets lost every time we travel to Sandusky, Ohio, to ride the roller coasters at the Cedar Point amusement park. Let's just say, the directional signs in that city leave a lot to be desired. I'm convinced the city's tourism officials do it on purpose so visitors have to go round and round the city and stop several times for gas before ever leaving town...
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Family in orbit on roller coasters (6/5/07)Americans -- my family among them -- love amusement parks. Our family and friends drove 10 hours one way -- and shelled out tons of money for gas -- just to spend the Memorial Day weekend riding roller coasters on the shore of Lake Erie in Ohio. The Cedar Point amusement park is home to 17 roller coasters. There are actually 18 if you count the dual coasters on one of the rides as my younger daughter, Bailey, does...
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America: founded in a swamp (5/22/07)When it comes to celebrating historic anniversaries, Americans go all out. Take the 400th anniversary of Jamestown, Va., for example. Celebration organizers even got Britain's Queen Elizabeth to visit the place earlier this month during her visit to the United States...
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Penmanship a lost art even to writers (5/15/07)In all my years as a reporter, few people have been able to read my notes. Even I have trouble deciphering my handwriting at times. Of course, that's certainly understandable given my "chicken scratch" style. "How can you read that?" total strangers have asked me in the middle of being interviewed...
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Finding benefits in a messy desk (5/8/07)I have a cluttered desk at work. Some people would call it messy. I prefer to think of it as testimony to the fact I'm hard at work. I've always been suspicious of people with clean desks. If they have time to clean off their desks, doesn't that mean they don't have enough to do?...
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Film company goes hog wild (5/1/07)What is it with horror movies these days? It seems like every movie commercial I see is advertising some bloody, gory movie. My teenage daughter and her friends love horror movies. As best I can tell, it seems to be a rite of passage for teenagers to sit through scary movies and then tell each other how silly those movies were...
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Text messaging and child's play pay off (4/24/07)A 13-year-old Pennsylvania girl was crowned national texting champion Saturday after she typed "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" from "Mary Poppins" in 15 seconds. Before you dismiss such teenage skill, I must tell you that the girl won the $25,000 prize. "I'm going to go shopping and buy lots of clothes," Morgan Pozgar told the Associated Press after winning the prize from an electronics company. No kidding. What else would a teenage girl say?...
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Festival basks in gritty success (4/17/07)Americans have no trouble finding reasons to party, even gritty ones. The folks in the small town of St. George, S.C., annually host the World Grits Festival. Thousands of people flock to this small town in mid-April to celebrate the virtue of grits...
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Family not counting on eBay for a fresh start (4/10/07)Some people go to great lengths to get a fresh start in life. Lisa Perry's clearly one of those people. The Minnesota woman has decided to sell nearly all of her belongings in an online auction on eBay. The 45-year-old Perry told the Associated Press that she's selling more than 300 items including snowshoes, a futon, a "Village People" album, seashells and other assorted items...
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Frog jumping an avenue for tourism (4/3/07)In California, frog jumping is serious business. At least that's the case with organizers of the Calaveras County Fair and the local boosters club in Angels Camp, Calif. So much so, that the two groups are hopping mad at each other. Citing losses due to low turnout at last year's fair, organizers said they couldn't pay the Angels Camp Boosters Club to oversee this year's frog-jumping contest. The club has judged the famed Jumping Frog Jubilee since its inception in 1928...
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'Hog wrangler' suits former chief of staff (3/27/07)Mention politics to many Americans and their eyes glaze over. But things are different in New Hampshire. People there seem to have fun with it. Case in point is the recent honor given to former White House chief of staff John Sununu. He and his wife were recently named honorary hog wrangler for Hampton Falls. The titles came with a swearing-in ceremony and a badge...
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Dad pursues happiness, mixed with a few boos (3/20/07)A Florida State University professor seems happy pursuing happiness. The professor, Darrin McMahon, spent six years researching and writing a book about happiness. Just reading about this guy's research in an Associated Press article brought a smile to my face...
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Parents relate to quiz show challenge (3/13/07)When it comes to empowering fifth-graders, nothing compares to the Fox network's new television quiz show. "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" pits adults against fifth-graders, testing their knowledge of facts found in grade-school textbooks. The show has proved to be a ratings success. It scored the biggest opening audience -- nearly 27 million viewers -- of any series on a television network in more than eight years...
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Wallets much simpler than purses (3/6/07)Purses are a lot like potato chips. You can't have just one of them. My wife, Joni, and our two daughters prove the point. They all have their share of handbags. Even our 11-year-old daughter, Bailey, has several purses. Our teenager, Becca, never seems to have enough purses...
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Daughter is a 'cold snob' (2/27/07)It's amazing what you can learn from reading the newspaper. On Monday, thanks to The Associated Press, I learned of a phenomenon called "cold snobbery." I had never heard of the term before. But I quickly discovered that I've known a "cold snob" all my life. She's my daughter, Bailey...
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Teenager takes the long way across town (2/20/07)It's taking longer for me to get around town these days. What used to be short trips to the store have become meandering journeys. That's because my 15-year-old daughter, Becca, is behind the wheel. Armed with an instruction permit from the state of Missouri, Becca takes every opportunity to get behind the wheel -- even if it is just to drive to a friend's house only a few blocks away...
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Offering hair advice just isn't my style (2/13/07)As a columnist, I know I won't make every reader happy. The other day, a woman called and left a message on a co-worker's phone. She complained at length about my column. She was particularly annoyed because, she said, my column "doesn't help people."...
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Parents corral stuffed animals (2/6/07)Bailey's bed seems to have a life of its own. The mattress regularly slides partly off the bed. When I go to wake up Bailey, I often find her asleep on her sliding mattress. I wonder how she can sleep at such an angle. The mattress would slip entirely off the bed if it weren't for a nearby table that serves to put the brakes on all the slipping and sliding...
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Family finds itself lost in phones (1/30/07)I ventured into my teenage daughter's room the other day, but only for a second. It was too messy, even for a dad like me. Becca's room looked like a mini tornado had ripped through it. I felt like I had been instantly transported into the "Twilight Zone."...
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Daughter laments lack of snow (1/23/07)Winter hasn't gone Bailey's way. Our 11-year-old daughter loves snow. But she's barely seen a flake this year. Early last week, weather forecasters talked about a winter storm that might dump snow on Southeast Missouri. But by week's end, the area had received only rain...
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A busy Congress could be a bad thing (1/16/07)In Washington, D.C., it's a startling development. Congressional leaders are saying Congress will work five days a week. Rep. Steny Hoyer, a Maryland Democrat and the House majority leader, says members of Congress need to spend more time in the capital to pass laws and oversee federal agencies...
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Driving lessons put father to the test (1/9/07)Moms and dads keep their own calendar when it comes to family life. They track their children's development by more than birthdays. Driver training is one of those signposts. Our teenage daughter, Becca, has been begging me to give her a driving lesson...
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Dad still wants to light up the yard (12/19/06)It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. At least, that's true inside our house. Outside, I still haven't managed to put up any holiday lights unless you count the two lighted grapevine deer on our back porch. And I only turn those on when I'm out on the porch at night...
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DVD player proves to be dangerous (12/12/06)Technology is a wonderful thing, provided it doesn't kill you. Take DVD players, for example. The small DVD player in our home looks innocent enough. There are no rough edges. It's lightweight. On the surface, it would appear to be as safe a device as one could find...
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Dad gets lesson in dress attire (12/5/06)Dressed in a green dress with a huge bow in the back, Becca looked like a million dollars. I could only hope it didn't cost that much. Actually, it was pretty reasonable even with the fake pearls and the stylish heels. Becca even had to get her nails done. After all, she was going to the winter ball at Central High School...
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Dad survives Black Friday (11/28/06)My wife has been doing it for years, sneaking out of the house in the blackness of early morning on the day after Thanksgiving so she can get a jump on Christmas shopping. Of course, she isn't alone. Countless Americans embrace the holiday tradition known as Black Friday. The name alone seemed depressing to me...
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Baby doll offers lessons in parenting (11/21/06)Becca had a baby last week, but only for a day and it wasn't real. It was only a doll. But it cried like a real baby, much to her dismay. Becca had to take care of it as part of a high school class. She brought it home from school in a car seat. She had to hold it, change diapers and even feed it a fake bottle when it was "hungry."...
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Dad gets kick out of coaching (11/14/06)Soccer moms got a lot of press in the 1990s when political pundits speculated on how they would vote in the presidential election. Soccer dads didn't get mentioned in the equation. Personally, I think all those pundits missed the boat. There's nothing political about soccer parents, not when you're standing out in the cold watching your child play on a muddy field on a Saturday morning when many Americans are still in bed. Hot coffee only goes so far...
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Campaigns frustrate voters (11/7/06)Thank goodness it's Election Day. By now, most Americans are sick and tired of all the negative political advertising. Television is saturated with so many political commercials this time of year that it's painful to watch. In addition, we're flooded with postcards urging us to vote for this candidate or that candidate. We're hounded by phone calls from various candidates and issue campaigns...
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Christmas creep shoving aside Halloween (10/31/06)Little goblins and ghouls will be roaming our neighborhoods for sugar highs tonight. Under the Cape Girardeau School District's new wellness policy, class parties are supposed to avoid more than 30 popular candies, sodas and fruit-punch drinks. But Skittles and Jolly Ranchers are still legal in Cape Girardeau's neighborhoods, along with tons of other sugary treats...
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Little Red Riding Hood gets makeover (10/17/06)With one daughter in high school and the other in middle school, I figured that our family was done with Halloween costumes. But Bailey, our fifth-grader, apparently still sees the fun in getting all dressed up for Halloween. Joni took her shopping the other night. Bailey came home with a Halloween costume: Little Dead Riding Hood...
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Cardinal fans break out 'Tomahawk Chop' (10/3/06)Red-clad Cardinal fans were in a party mood prior to the start of Sunday's season finale in St. Louis. Joni and I were among them. We were ready to celebrate a win on the field that would give the baseball team another Central Division championship...
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Dog prefers people food (9/26/06)It's bad enough that we have to worry about our own waistlines. But now we're told we need to worry about Fido's girth. According to news reports, a firm has launched what it calls the first "lifestyle" dog food. Pet owners can feed their indoor, small dogs specially formulated food that is lower in fat. The food is designed to battle obesity...
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Teenagers get 'in touch' with show (9/19/06)Becca was thrilled. She excitedly waved her right hand around for everyone to see. She kept looking at her hand as if it were some sort of buried treasure. So why was she acting that way standing in front of me at the Grace United Methodist Church stand at the SEMO District Fair?...
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Kitchens bear up to attack (9/5/06)Everyone has a bad day now and then. But you don't expect it to revolve around cooking pot roast. That was the case in Vail, Colo., recently when a 72-year-old woman's culinary skills attracted some uninvited guests -- a bear and her cub. The woman walked into her kitchen and found the bear standing six feet away. The bear hissed at her and swatted her chest and arm, resulting in some minor scratches, the Associated Press reported...
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Family adjusts to new school year (8/15/06)They're back. Students in Cape Girardeau public schools returned to class Monday. It's amazing how quickly one school year rolls into another. My teenager, Becca, is now a high school freshman. My younger daughter, 10-year-old Bailey, just started fifth grade...
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Parents get lesson on school rules (8/8/06)I hadn't spent a whole day in high school in more than three decades. Not until last Friday. I spent the day with my teenage daughter, Becca, getting a full day of orientation at Cape Girardeau Central High School. With Becca being an incoming freshman, I'm sure I'll see a lot of the school over the next four years...
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Parents brace for back-to-school costs (8/1/06)It's that time of year again when parents of school-age children look frantically at their bank accounts and wonder if they will have to take out a second mortgage to pay for all those back-to-school supplies and clothes. Even with the upcoming sales-tax holiday, it won't be cheap...
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Family steps up to home improvement (7/25/06)There's more to exercise than treadmills. The stairs at our house can be just as taxing. Joni and I found that out last weekend when we decided to overhaul Bailey's room. It all started because Joni found this lovely bedroom set -- two white, wooden dressers with colorfully decorated drawer fronts and an attaching, large mirror. A friend of ours did the artwork...
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Business wants to battle bad ice (7/18/06)Getting a decent cup of ice at our house can be difficult. Our refrigerator's icemaker seems to have a mind of its own. We've had repairmen out several times. Each time, it's fixed and operates for a while. But sooner or later, it stalls again. Rather than call a repairman this time, I just went out and bought a bag of ice and dumped the ice into the ice container on the refrigerator door...
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Signing off: Garage sales face sign rules (7/11/06)Our garage has become a crowded place. It's filled with white trash bags stuffed full of used toys, clothes and other items we freed from Bailey's bedroom. We plan to sell them at a garage sale later this year. But, of course, we must be careful not to erect a yard-sale sign that will make us sign criminals...
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America needs the Twinkie diet (6/27/06)Americans love to diet. It's part of our culture. We love to eat, too. Which is why sooner or later we all talk about shedding a few pounds. But thankfully we no longer have to eat rice cakes to lose weight. Joni has tried to introduce me to the culinary joy of rice cakes. But so far I've resisted her encouragement...
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Dad deals with pet crab's demise (6/20/06)A little humor goes a long way on Father's Day. Becca and Bailey gave me greeting cards that emphasized their perspectives on dad's day. Becca gave me a card that pointed out that she appreciated being able to hit me up for money to go shopping. Bailey gave me a card thanking me for teaching her what I know about sports. Then she added her own thoughts. She told me she appreciated that I taught her how to boo the umpires...
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Daughter caught up in camping (6/13/06)No air conditioning, television or any other creature comforts. What you do have is a lot of fresh air. You also have a ton of trees, weeds and other assorted shrubbery I can't name. And plenty of bugs. But for Girl Scouts like our daughter, Bailey, nothing beats the outdoors...
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Roller coasters make gravity fun (6/6/06)It's amazing how entertaining gravity can be when you plunge down a steep, steel track at 93 mph. Our family just returned from a Memorial Day weekend at Cedar Point amusement park on the Ohio shore of Lake Erie. It's billed as the roller coaster capital of the world. It boasts 16 roller coasters, most of them seemingly designed to be the world's fastest torture chambers...
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Dad fights battle of the bulge (5/23/06)You've got a fever. Your head feels like it's ready to explode. Your nose is running like Niagara Falls. So you call in the cavalry. You get an appointment with your doctor. But before the doctor can see you, the nurse has to weigh you. You're already feeling poorly and, now you have to endure the indignity of learning that you've gained weight...
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Dad bids farewell to Play Day (5/16/06)Not even a week of rain could dampen the spirits of elementary school children who gleefully ran races Friday on a grassy field behind Alma Schrader Elementary School. It was Play Day, an annual springtime affair that gets the students out of class and provides a visible sign that the school year is almost over...
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Students take to the spotlight in musical (5/9/06)The creative process is anything but tidy. Actually it starts out chaotic. That's evident in watching rehearsals for the Central Junior High School production of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat." At the same time, the creative process is a joy to watch...
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At Busch Stadium, even the dirt's for sale (5/2/06)As anyone knows who has had garage sale, some junk can make you money. The owners of the St. Louis Cardinals and Busch Stadium know that for sure. The new stadium, which opened in April, comes complete with a team store where fans can buy small containers of dirt from the old stadium, the white numbers on squares of green which were used on the old stadium scoreboards, and even some of the old, red seats...
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Getting the newspaper can be hazardous (4/25/06)Just when you thought you were safe in your own front yard along comes a story about the dangers of picking up your newspaper. A 71-year-old man in Huntington, N.Y., went outside in the rain to pick up his Sunday newspaper. He fell into a cesspool and his son and neighbor were sucked in when they tried to help...
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A new take on TV violence (4/18/06)Television violence struck home last week -- our home. It started innocently enough. Bailey was home sick from school. She was resting on the living room floor, calmly watching TV. Then disaster struck. She apparently pushed her feet against the bottom of the 32-inch television set, causing the set to topple onto her legs...
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Soccer parents brave cold for children's sport (4/11/06)No one leads cheers like a parent. Standing on the sideline of a recreational soccer game, parents shout out words of encouragement to their children playing out on the field. It's a tough job, but somebody has to do it. As a dad, I spent this spring cheering at Bailey's youth soccer games...
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Crab legs draw out dining fun (4/4/06)Crab legs. They're a mess to eat. When it comes to crab legs, you can't be a delicate eater. And our daughter, Bailey, isn't one. She loves nothing better than to eat a mountain of crab legs at a Chinese restaurant buffet. We did just that on Sunday...
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Town finds fun in chilling out (3/28/06)Some towns go to great lengths to find a reason to party. Take the mountain town of Nederland, Colo. It annually holds a festival known as "Frozen Dead Guy Days." For three days, spectators celebrate with a hearse parade, a frozen pond dive, frozen T-shirt contest, coffin races and a Grandpa Bredo Morstoel look-a-like contest...
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Family finds sport in dining out (3/21/06)The biggest sport in Cape Girardeau isn't played on a field or in a gym. It's played whenever a new restaurant opens. Every time a new restaurant opens in our town, we flock to the place. Nevermind the huge crowd. We get excited about eating at a new place even if we have to wait for an hour to get seated. It's recreation at its finest...
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Children have defining way with moms (3/14/06)Children have a way of putting things in perspective. A friend of mine recently e-mailed me the answers of second graders to the following questions. She's the only one who knows where the Scotch tape is. Mostly to clean the house. To help us out of there when we were getting born...
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Dad copes with cookie cult (3/7/06)Every year at this time, I'm immersed in the cookie cult. It's habit forming. My wife, Joni, is one of the leaders of a fourth-grade Girl Scout troop. As such, she is heavily involved in the dealing of Thin Mints and all those other tasty varieties of Girl Scout cookies...
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Teenage girls borrow fashion from each other (2/28/06)When it comes to teenage girls, there's never enough clothes. Becca has a ton of clothing. But that doesn't stop her from wearing some of her girlfriends' attire. Our teenage daughter and her friends regularly borrow from each other. Guys wouldn't even think about doing something like that. But girls seem to enjoy it...
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Forget snow, eat chocolate (2/21/06)Chocolate lovers must be thrilled. What they thought was an addiction to a sweet treat may actually be some kind of health food. At least that's what chocolate makers are saying. Mars Inc. plans to launch a nationwide line of dark chocolate products next month that the company claims has health benefits...
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Crab stretches legs in new home (2/14/06)Speedy has a new home. Gone is the small, plastic tank that he once called home. Now he has a new, larger tank, complete with a new water bowl and special, calcium-rich soil designed to meet the needs of our growing hermit crab. Our 10-year-old daughter, Bailey, loves the crab. It's her pet and she takes care of it. She makes sure it has food and water...
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Teenager sets sights on another birthday (2/7/06)Becca celebrated turning 14 years of age on Saturday by looking forward to yet another birthday. When you are early in your teenage years, celebrating birthdays has less to do with the immediate one and more to do with the next birthday and the one after that...
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Dad finds fun in 'family' practice (1/31/06)I never expected to be on the practice squad at my age. But there I was on Saturday, playing hoops in the driveway with my fourth-grade daughter. For the past three winters, Bailey has played basketball every Saturday in a church league. As she's grown older and taller, she's taken team practices more seriously...
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Cancer brings out best in people (1/24/06)Thanks. We can't say it enough. No amount of words can express our gratitude over the efforts of countless friends and co-workers who have come to our aid since late last month when Joni was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Our lives changed suddenly only days before the end of the year. My wife's stomach swelled up. She looked pregnant...
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Man gives up Elvis collection for true love (1/10/06)Some people are willing to sacrifice for true love. Take Jim Curtin, for example. The Philadelphia man auctioned off hundreds of items of his Elvis Presley memorabilia collection over the weekend. He did so after his girlfriend issued an ultimatum: Leave the Elvis clothes or I'll leave you...
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Parents tune in Christmas songs (12/20/05)It's that time of year when Joni has all the car radios tuned to Christmas-only stations. Get in either of our vans and you're bound to hear the sounds of Christmas jingling inside. It's so contagious, I've even adopted the habit. Rather than listen to sports talk radio, I've started listening to holiday tunes when I'm driving around town...
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Throwing a birthday dodgeball bash (12/13/05)Bailey celebrated her 10th birthday with a friendly game of dodgeball at a Jackson fitness center last weekend. When it comes to your first double-digit birthday, you want to celebrate in style. For Bailey and her friends, that meant dividing up into teams and throwing rubber balls at each other...
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Dad blows fuse over Christmas lights (12/6/05)Oh, the weather outside is frightful. And I'm outside, standing on a ladder and hanging Christmas lights on my gutter. "Why didn't we do this when the weather was nice?" my wife, Joni, asked. Naturally, I didn't have a good answer. We never seem to get our Christmas decorations up until the weather turns frigid. If there's a chance for frostbite, it's time to put up the outside lights...
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Retail holiday draws diehard shoppers (11/29/05)Joni lives for Black Friday. Like a lot of hard-core shoppers, my wife loves the before-dawn sales that mark the Friday after Thanksgiving as the official start of the holiday shopping season. This year, I promised to accompany her on her shopping spree. But I came down with a sinus infection which forced me to stay in bed and miss the opportunity to see firsthand how to fight one's way to the cash register...
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Fourth-grader talks turkey (11/22/05)Our fourth-grader defines "thankful" as turkey. Bailey even spells it out for those who fail to grasp the sheer "Thanksgiving" of eating a plate of turkey. "T stands for turkey," she proudly proclaims. "H -- Happiness is turkey. A -- A good turkey dinner. N -- Nice turkey dinner. K -- Know how to cook turkey. F -- For turkey. U -- Use an Oven. L -- Love turkey."...
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Girls find fun, not politics in dolls (11/15/05)With their immaculate clothes and well-styled hair, American Girl dolls draw plenty of fans. My daughters grew up with the dolls and their story-book characters. A few years ago, we even stopped by the American Girl Place in Chicago, which is The Store for little girls and their parents who want to shop for the ultimate doll and accessories...
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Americans don't want campaign cows (11/8/05)Politicians can have a tough time winning votes. In this country, our candidates routinely trot out five-point plans and promise to find more tax dollars for schools and lock up more criminals. But at least one presidential candidate in Sri Lanka has a more direct approach. The wealthy businessman, who runs an herbal medicine empire, said he'll buy a cow for every home if he is elected...
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Daughter sinks teeth into holiday (11/1/05)You have to love Halloween. No other holiday offers your children a chance to dress up like pirates, vampires and witches. Bailey dressed up as a vampire, complete with fake teeth. My wife, Joni, was in charge of games for the Halloween party in Bailey's fourth-grade class on Monday. The kids had a great time playing Halloween bingo, telling ridiculous Halloween jokes and wrapping each other up in toilet paper to resemble modern-day mummies...
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New calendar shows university's 'big brains' (10/25/05)I love wall calendars. The months aren't so exciting, but the photographs are usually great. They evoke a mood or capture a moment of history or a family portrait. There are all sorts of calendars from the funny to the sublime. But until now I've never heard of one that featured "Big Brains."...
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Workers monkey around with sick-day excuses (10/18/05)There's nothing too mundane for humans to study. Some researchers even have found time to study the excuses Americans make for staying home from work. According to CareerBuilder.com, more than a third of U.S. workers said they played hooky from work over the past year...
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Teen stretches family ties (10/11/05)Politicians and sociologists love to talk about the American family. But teenagers would just as soon you don't talk about it too publicly around their friends and acquaintances. Becca has been a teenager for less than a year, and already she has the urge to keep her distance from her parents when it comes to attending some social events...
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Costumed dad gets children's attention (10/4/05)Dressed up in a straw hat and a red- and white-striped coat, I looked like a walking candy cane. But then it's amazing what a dedicated employee will do to celebrate his company's centennial. The Southeast Missourian held its 100th birthday bash on Saturday. A number of employees wore old-fashioned costumes in honor of the occasion...
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Family mourns molting crab (9/27/05)Bailey cried. It appeared to be a monumental disaster. Her pet hermit crab, Speedy, was dead. At least, I thought it was when I saw pieces of the crab scattered about outside its shell. It looked like some crab-crazy serial killer had done the damage inside the plastic tank in Bailey's room...
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Daughter feasts on District Fair pretzels (9/20/05)Gone are the cattle and draft horses. Gone are the blue ribbons, the carnival rides and the cotton candy. Gone too is Tilly, the pretzel lady at the Southeast Missouri District Fair. Our 13-year-old, Becca, loves pretzels. She's addicted to the doughy treat...
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Dad survives roller-coaster of a weekend (9/13/05)Fear was churning in my stomach. And that's before we crashed head-long down the first hill on a roller coaster. There's something about roller coasters that makes me suspect that they were thought up by professional torture experts, probably relatives of those who practiced their craft during the Spanish Inquisition...
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Zoos may benefit from treating folks like animals (8/30/05)Some people are just animals. At least that's the view of the London Zoo which briefly exhibited Homo sapiens in one of its zoo enclosures. The eight scantily clad men and women were exhibited in a rocky enclosure behind a sign reading, "Warning: Humans in Their Natural Environment."...
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Fans shape up in stadium (8/23/05)Federal officials are constantly advising Americans to get out more and exercise. Obviously, health officials haven't been to a Cardinals' baseball game on a steamy Sunday in late August. Our family spent the day at celebrated Busch Stadium. Like just about everyone else in the place, we sweated for hours in the heat...
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Teen life revolves around phone calls, car rides (8/16/05)Teenagers have a different view of life. They don't think like we do. Take walking, for instance. Our 13-year-old daughter, Becca, informed us the other day that walking is not an option. I suggested that she could walk from junior high to her mother's place of employment a few blocks away at the end of the school day...
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Back-to-school shopping proves education (8/9/05)It's amazing how much it costs to get an education. I'm not talking about college. I'm talking about fourth grade and junior high school. My wife, Joni, has been on a mission in recent days: Shopping for all the back-to-school supplies our daughters need...
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Daughter 'coins' change in our home (8/2/05)Quarters, dimes, nickels and even pennies aren't safe in our home. Our 9-year-old, Bailey, has made it her mission to find every last penny that's been gathering dust in our home and in our cars. Joni recently gave our daughter a plastic bank jar with a battery powered lid that automatically counts and totals the change pushed through the slot...
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Family steps up to lodging in state park (7/26/05)Never mind the heat. Our family had reservations to spend Saturday night in a cabin at Giant City State Park. So we packed up a few belongings and a huge cooler full of bottled water and headed over to the 4,000-acre park at Makanda, Ill. For our daughters, the big attraction was a swimming pool located right next to a massive sandstone lodge built by the nation's Civilian Conservation Corps at the height of the Great Depression...
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Harry Potter fans put the magic back in reading (7/19/05)There's nothing like a Harry Potter party to draw out the witches and wizards in all of us. Author J.K. Rowling has done more to popularize book reading -- not to mention pointed black hats and black robes -- than any other modern-day author. Like countless other families, we spent the witching hour at a Barnes & Noble bookstore Friday night...
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Daughter bags camping fun in Scouting outing (7/12/05)We packed Bailey off to camp on Sunday. She and several of her fellow troop members are spending this week at Girl Scout camp. Bailey barely could contain her excitement last week as she readied for camp. Camp comes complete with a lake, a swimming pool and even horses to ride, not to mention sleeping cabins and a dining hall. Even so, Bailey had to take a ton of gear...
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Dad deals with 'Home Alone' syndrome (6/28/05)It's tough being a dad, particularly when you have a brain cramp. How else can I explain forgetting to pick up Bailey one morning from a local occupational therapy center where she is working to strengthen the muscles of her eyes. I managed to get our 9-year-old to therapy that morning and I dropped off my 13-year-old, Becca, at her theater workshop...
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Maui harbors paradise for tourists (6/21/05)Humpback whales love it. So do plenty of tourists who love nothing better than to hit the beaches in Maui. Joni and I recently returned from a 25th anniversary trip to the scenic Hawaiian island. There were no whales there. They winter there. By June, they're long gone...
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Missouri Bootheel Family yearns for heat wave (6/14/05)Editor's note: This Mark Bliss column was originally published Jan. 26, 2003. We've been in a deep freeze this week. It's been so cold that my kids haven't complained about wearing coats. Our dog, Cassie, is the only member of our family who doesn't seem to mind. She likes running across the snowy, frozen ground. She's constantly barking to go outside. I realize she has her natural fur coat, but at this rate she'll be wanting to grow up to be a sled dog...
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Parents lend hand when Buddy loses his (6/7/05)Editor's note: This Mark Bliss column was originally published Feb. 2, 2003. You may have heard of the Fox TV show "Man Versus Beast." Well, this was a case of beast against Buddy. It was a disaster of epic proportions. Our dog, Cassie, chewed the hand and most of the arm off Bailey's beloved Buddy Bear...
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Contestants could blow it all for prize (5/31/05)The Southeast Missourian gets flooded with news releases, some of which end up in my mail slot and which I actually read. I try to read all the important ones like the one alerting the media to the bubble-gum blowing contest that will be held at the nation's Wal-Mart stores on June 11...
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Virtual fish make good, clean pets (5/24/05)We've taken in another pet. But unlike our pet pooch, Cassie, and our pet hermit crab, Speedy, our latest pet doesn't need to be fed unless you count electricity as a meal. That's because we now have virtual fish. The colorful fish swim across our computer screen in a virtual aquarium. There's even bubbles accompanied by the sound of an aquarium pump...
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Talk means little at high school commencement (5/17/05)For a couple of hours at the end of their high school years, graduating students sit up straight and try to look dignified. It's the least they can do after all the hardship and heartbreak they caused their parents and teachers. Actually, a high school graduation is a momentous event, more so for the parents than the graduating students. It's a chance for that Kodak moment, an opportunity to snap one more photo of your son or daughter whether they like it or not...
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Fast-food dining faces taxing time (5/10/05)Taxing fast food is an idea that financially strapped Detroit couldn't ignore. Detroit's mayor hopes voters won't mind paying a little extra for their Big Mac and fries. If this revenue initiative catches on, it won't be long until cities nationwide start looking to tax all that stuff we munch on in our rush to grab a bite...
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Jurors need less testimony, more caffeine (5/3/05)Trial by jury is a bedrock of America's judicial system. But now it's being eroded by sleeping jurors. A recent Associated Press story reported that a juror in Johnson County, Kan., was dismissed after falling asleep during testimony in a murder trial...
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Baseball fans cheer for food (4/26/05)So you think Major League Baseball is all about the game on the field? Wrong. As any kid will tell you, it's about what you can eat at the ballpark. I attended two Cardinal games in St. Louis over the weekend with my 9-year-old daughter. The weather was cold, but that didn't keep people from chowing down...
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Martha could get us all in shape (4/19/05)The headlines scream at us. We're told we're overweight and out of shape. We're told it's a health crisis. But it appears things aren't as bleak as we may have thought. After five months in prison, American entrepreneur Martha Stewart emerged thinner, wealthier and ready for prime-time television...
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Exercise class spins cycle of pain (4/12/05)Americans are obsessed with wanting to get in shape. I understand this. In recent years, I've gone from being a couch potato to a firm believer that exercise is good for you. At least, I thought so before I took a cycling class. I joined my wife and others taking a cycling class last Saturday at a local fitness center...
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Store opens up family wallet (4/5/05)Store openings are big-time entertainment in Cape Girardeau. Even a so-called "soft" opening gets the shoppers excited. That's the way it was Sunday when Cape Girardeau's newest department store opened. My family had to go gawk at the merchandise. So did several of our friends...
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Some competition really stinks (3/29/05)It's sad when a child's stinky feet can win cash. Noah Nielsen, 10, recently beat out six other contestants from around the country in the 30th annual National Odor-Eaters Rotten Sneaker Contest in Vermont. For his odorous effort, Nielsen won a $500 savings bond, a $100 check for new sneakers and a supply of Odor-Eaters products...
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Families cope with crowded schedules (3/22/05)As harried American parents, we know we lead busy lives. We know our lives are just one big rush. But do we have to hear about it from researchers? Scientists at UCLA have spent the past four years observing 32 Los Angeles families to determine just how messed up we really are...
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America needs a 'Be Nice or Die' motto (3/15/05)New Jersey has a bad reputation that a little civility could fix, state lawmakers there say. In a state where a former governor once joked that the official bird was "the middle finger," some lawmakers think a resolution is needed to encourage residents of the state to be kinder and more civil toward their fellow man...
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Exercise makes splash in fitness center (3/8/05)There's nothing like a little exercise to make you contemplate as to just why you are so out of shape. My wife and I, who for much of our adult lives avoided working out because we didn't see ourselves as Jane Fonda devotees, in recent months have embraced workouts...
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There's no place like a home on ice (3/1/05)The thought of ice fishing makes me shiver. In Minnesota, it's a popular pastime. People even build structures on the ice, something that I doubt would pass muster with Cape Girardeau city inspectors. At any rate, a recent wire service story described one such ice house on a frozen lake. The house comes complete with handmade woodwork, stove, television, stereo system and beds to sleep as many as eight people...
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Holiday lost in punctuation (2/22/05)To 9-year-old Bailey it only made sense to ask the all important question on Presidents Day. "Does the president get the day off?" she asked. "No. It's a full-time job, seven days a week, 24 hours a day," I told her. "He's always on duty." That prompted another question. "Does he get to sleep?"...
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Valentine's Day marks wedded bliss (2/15/05)Just when you thought it was safe to celebrate Valentine's Day, along come opponents of the romantic tradition who tell us it's a bad thing. They say it makes single people feel sad and degrades them. In some cities -- New York and San Francisco included -- there's a new alternative to Valentine's Day. It's called "Quirkyalone Day" and is geared toward those who want to celebrate their single lives...
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Daughters like changing wardrobe (2/8/05)A Connecticut boy won't part with his Brett Favre jersey. He's worn it for more than 400 straight days. That would never happen in our household. First of all, we're not Green Bay Packers fans. But more importantly our two daughters wouldn't think of going to school or anywhere else for that matter wearing the same clothes for two or more days in a row...
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Children can boost the economy (2/1/05)If Alan Greenspan needs something to stimulate the economy, he need look no further than my 12-year-old daughter. Becca is constantly asking us for money. She can't seem to leave the house without begging for a few dollars. Scheduled to become a teenager on Friday, she's already discovered the joy of shopping and -- more importantly -- spending money...
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Dad resists going on strike (1/11/05)It's tough being a parent. Not only do you have to raise your children, you have to do all those household chores too -- from laundry to dishes. Getting children to help isn't easy. They're often too busy hanging out in their bedrooms playing video games or watching television to lift a finger...
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Family wants Santa to shape up (12/21/04)Santa needs a makeover. In our society, the fat-free pitch is everywhere. Americans are working out at the gym in record numbers and eating low-carb meals in an effort to lead healthier lives. Then along comes Santa every Christmas. Dressed in a bright red suit, he's hard to miss...
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Dad wrestles 8-foot Santa for holidays (12/14/04)There's nothing like a China-made Santa to get you in the holiday spirit. I spent Monday -- a day off -- out in the stiff breeze of winter trying to add some Christmas cheer to the front yard. Joni and I used to dress up our front yard every Christmas with lighted reindeer, Christmas trees and even candy canes. But in recent years, we've been too busy to decorate the front lawn...
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Family won't keep holiday boxed up (12/7/04)At the urging of my youngest daughter, I carefully maneuvered through our crowded attic to haul out our boxed Christmas tree, along with lights, ornaments and other assorted holiday decorations. Every year at this time, I vow to reorganize the attic to more easily access all those Christmas decorations so I won't feel like I'm stuck in the middle of an obstacle course...
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The garage is made for cars again (11/23/04)It's that time of year when we once again run out of storage space in our homes. That's because the approach of winter forces us to clean out our two-car garages so we can actually park our vehicles in them. That way they won't seem so much like mobile deep freezes when we climb in them on those cold, winter mornings...
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Cartoon puts life in perspective (11/16/04)With all that snow and ice, Canada's been a marketing nightmare. But not anymore. A Vancouver immigration lawyer thinks he can sell former Kerry supporters on the merits of moving north of the border and away from all those red states. He's so certain of it that he plans to hold seminars in Seattle, San Francisco and Los Angeles to tell Americans how to legally move to Canada. Relocating citizenship costs money, including a $500 application fee and a $975 landing tax...
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'Ducks' make splash with tourists (11/9/04)Not all ducks are created equal. Some are tourist attractions. Branson has a whole fleet of "Ducks," modified World War II amphibious vehicles that now carry tourists on land and on water. Racing full speed into Table Rock Lake in one of these vehicles is like careening downhill into the water in a motorized bathtub...
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Voters may feel like it's the Day of the Dead (11/2/04)Today is the Day of the Dead, a Mexican holiday that celebrates the return to Earth of departed souls. Families polish the bones of their loved ones just for the occasion. In the United States, it's also the Day of the Dead -- the day of dead-tired Americans who are sick of all the negative political ads that have blanketed the television screen...
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Nation wants fast fitness (10/26/04)Our nation is full of fitness fans. Fitness centers have mushroomed as Americans have looked to exercise their way back into shape. But the trouble with workouts is that you have to work at it. In today's hurry-up world, it isn't easy finding time to finish that report for your boss, take the kids to soccer games, Scout meetings, doctors' appointments and still find time to flex a few muscles...
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Fish lose out in '04 election (10/19/04)With Halloween fast approaching, I guess it shouldn't be surprising that we're hearing horror stories about the upcoming presidential election. These horror stories include a tie vote in the Electoral College, a terrorist attack on Election Day and a disputed outcome in a crucial state. Not even tales about Martha Stewart in jail are this scary...
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Folks would do fine with fake grass (10/12/04)A California cemetery won't bury loved ones under grass any longer. The cemetery has decided artificial turf is cheaper to maintain. I'm sure it looks better too, although I wouldn't want tombstones to be surrounded by white yard-marker lines. Real grass can discolor grave stones, according to the Interment Association of California...
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Santa has steady job at Holiday World (10/5/04)Ho. Ho. Ho. Santa's got a permanent job at Holiday World. Of course, that's not surprising since the theme park -- billed as the world's first theme park -- is in Santa Claus, Ind. The small, rural town appears to have cornered the market on Santa statues. They're everywhere. Nearby is the Santa Lodge, complete with Christmas lights year round and a giant Santa statue on the front lawn...
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Daughter finds room for stuffed animals (9/28/04)No endangered species inhabit Bailey's bedroom. All of her stuffed animals are doing just fine. It's the bed that I worry about. It's hard to find her bed beneath a mountain of stuffed animals. It's her own cuddly animal preserve. As a child, my wife, Joni, practiced the same turn-the-bed-into-a-zoo approach...
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Cape sees blast of tourism (9/21/04)Oh, what a difference a bridge makes -- even a damaged one. The recent demolition of the old Mississippi River bridge at Cape Girardeau has been a boost to local tourism. People have flocked to the riverfront to see a series of explosions designed to bring down the old bridge...
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Fair game - pets and beauty pageants (9/14/04)First it was a barking dog. Then came the two hermit crabs. Now we have two goldfish in our animal menagerie. Our pet population has increased by two fish thanks to the SEMO District Fair. Our daughters, Becca and Bailey, both won a ping pong ball carnival game. Both girls received water-filled plastic bags with each bag containing a goldfish...
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Daughter takes phone hostage (9/7/04)You can't have enough telephones, not in a family with a 12-year-old daughter. Becca has a telephone in her room, but that hasn't stopped her from kidnapping our kitchen phone and holding it hostage. The phone rings. Joni or I go to answer it and we're confronted with a beeping kitchen phone base but no phone...
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Families find fun in hose-head wrestling (8/31/04)Ah, the Olympic spirit. Even jaded Americans can't help but feel pride to see their countrymen standing on the medal podium wearing wreaths of olive leaves. Greece hasn't had this much attention since Zeus and his cronies were pulling the strings in ancient times...
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Learning displays its own fashion sense (8/24/04)As parents, we love to romanticize the start of school. We naturally try to capture those images, grabbing for our cameras to get a few snapshots. But starting seventh grade, Becca informed us that she no longer wanted us to take first-day photos. (Though she did allow me to snap a photo of her and her sister, Bailey, before we left the house.)...
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Parents raid bank for back-to-school shopping (8/17/04)Editor's note: This column was originally published Aug. 20, 2000. A new column will appear next week. It's back to school time, a time when parents' hectic summers give way to hectic school years. Parents save up all year for this occasion. You have to save some money, otherwise you can't afford all that back-to-school stuff....
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Daughters find fashion in tennis shoes (8/10/04)Whatever happened to those white tennis shoes? These days, simple white shoe is hard to find. My daughters recently bought new tennis shoes. But neither Becca nor Bailey bought basic white. Their shoes are colorful items. Bailey's new favorite tennis shoes are black and red with fold-down sides. Becca's footwear is light blue, accented in green...
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Candidates need a little furry love (8/3/04)George Bush is in trouble. His Democratic opponent, Sen. John Kerry, almost certainly has locked up the support of the cute-and-cuddly crowd now that his heroics with a hamster have been celebrated at last week's Democratic convention. It seems that the Massachusetts senator once saved his daughter's pet hamster, Licorice, from drowning. Kerry reportedly administered CPR to save the family pet...
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Conventions need reality TV style (7/27/04)Lights, cameras, action. Well, not so much action really. But the Democratic national convention in Boston this week has plenty of lights and cameras and talking heads. The city hasn't had this much to squawk about since the Boston Tea Party. Political conventions these days are one big television broadcast. It's reality television with 4,350 delegates, surrounded by a horde of reporters, broadcasters, politicians and campaign staffers...
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Daughter cleans up at home plate (7/20/04)I'm not soft on softball. But I must confess it's fun to sit out in a portable, canvas chair in Cape Girardeau's Arena Park on a summer night and watch a bunch of grade-school girls run the bases. Our youngest daughter, 8-year-old Bailey, is in her second year of learning the sport...
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Presidential politics needs more mascots (7/13/04)A lot of people think politics is boring. But then they've never seen the Waffle Man. The Bush-Cheney campaign has been pulling out all the stops in the battleground state of Missouri. Last week, the campaign came to Denny's restaurant in Cape Girardeau. The campaign stop for the Republican Party faithful featured a guy dressed up in a square waffle suit, but no butter or syrup...
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Friends fire up Fourth of July (7/6/04)It's amazing what a little explosive chemistry will do to boost the national spirit. We'd be hard pressed to celebrate our birthday without some colorful explosions. Never mind that all those fireworks were made in China or some other low-rent country. We proudly proclaim our Independence Day by shooting off fireworks that paint the sky a tapestry of colors and give us a big bang for our bucks...
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Family stuck in war with wallpaper (6/29/04)Our house looks like a battle zone these days. Don't blame us. It's our wallpaper that's the problem. Joni and I spent much of last weekend attacking our dining room and kitchen walls to remove old wallpaper. Becca and Bailey helped some. So did our 12-year-old goddaughter, who begged to help us scrape off wallpaper. She said it was fun to tear it off. We wanted it off, too, but we wouldn't describe it as anything remotely like fun...
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It's our turn - Here's why we love Dad (6/22/04)Every week our dad gets to write stuff about us. He's been doing that for 12 years. Now, it's our turn. As part of our Father's Day present, we volunteered to write dad's column. Funny, he didn't seem too excited about the thought. Maybe he was afraid of what we were going to say...
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Dad finds something to crab about (6/15/04)At first, our family had only a house dog to call a pet. Now we have two more pets. No, we didn't acquire two more dogs. We are now the proud owners of two hermit crabs. Becca and Bailey couldn't be happier. They carry around the shell-covered hermit crabs in plastic aquarium-like containers, feeding them every three days a tiny amount of crab food that they bought from a local pet store. Cassie, our sheltie, would starve on such rations...
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When the AARP comes knocking (6/8/04)I knew it was only a matter of time until they found me. It happened last week. Six months after turning 50, AARP found me. The letter arrived in my mailbox, complete with an already filled out AARP membership card and a greeting welcoming me into the nation's army of senior citizens...
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Nothing like disaster to make you feel better (6/1/04)Just when you thought it was safe to go back to college, along comes the news that "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" isn't just a campy TV show. It turns out it's also food for thought. A conference in Nashville last weekend drew students of the show from as far away as Singapore. College courses are devoted to the show, which was canceled last year. There's even an online journal of Buffy studies...
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Daughter gets charge out of scooter (5/25/04)Becca has wheels. No, she doesn't have a car. At age 12, our oldest daughter is still too young for such a vehicle. But she does have a new electric, two-wheel scooter. Now, she can visit one of her best friends who lives only blocks away without having to walk. Of course, she could ride a bicycle. But that involves pedal power. Becca prefers to let a battery do the work...
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Students, parents master skills of play day (5/18/04)Winning isn't everything. Our 8-year-old grasps that concept. At her elementary school's play day Friday, she didn't want to compete in the crab race because she wanted to avoid getting her pants wet on the rain-soaked grass field. The school's coach insisted that she run the race. She did, but very gingerly...
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SEMO could cook up sausage mascot (5/11/04)It's hard going through life as a sausage. Just ask Mandy Block, Wisconsin's most famous sausage gal. She was wearing an Italian sausage costume when she was hit with a bat by then Pittsburgh Pirates first baseman Randall Simon last July. As a result of her ordeal, she received a certificate of bravery from the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council...
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Dad takes the wheel in family taxi (5/4/04)Sooner or later every parent becomes an unpaid chauffeur. Our 12-year-old daughter, Becca, is at that age where she and her friends need a ride to the cinema. At that age, kids don't want their parents to shepherd them into the movie theater. They just want money and a car ride...
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Political process due for makeover (4/27/04)Man has always liked to demolish things. How else can you explain the excitement on "Extreme Home Makeover," a show with a huge budget and an army of construction workers who practically tear down a deserving family's home and rebuild it bigger and better than ever...
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Circus dog gives hope for family pet (4/20/04)No lions. No tigers. No bears. But the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus' one-ring "hometown edition" was a hit with our family. It's hard to pass up an excuse for cotton candy and stuffed, fluffy monkey and elephant souvenirs at the Show Me Center...
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Family walks through spring break (4/13/04)If you want to walk a lot, visit Disney World. A seven-hour visit to one of the Disney World theme parks usually includes four to eight miles on foot, according to one travel author. I think we exceeded the average during a weeklong, spring break vacation to Florida last week...
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Cape woman is queen of Easter bunnies (4/6/04)The following column first ran last April. Maxine Boren is the queen of Easter bunnies. They're everywhere in her front yard, most of them of the plastic, air-filled variety. She has large ones and small ones. Her bunnies come in a variety of colors that complement the bright hues of the fake flowers that adorn her Easter yard. She grows real flowers too, but only after Easter and the bright bunnies have been deflated and stored away for another year...
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Family objects to lunchbox gourmet (3/30/04)Just when I was feeling pretty satisfied about my ability to fix school lunches for Becca and Bailey, along comes a national news story that suggests we should all become lunchbox gourmets. Chefs, cookbook authors and other food experts have all sorts of advice on preparing a better school lunch...
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Daughter braces for a smile (3/23/04)Becca has braces. It's one of those rites of passage that many children endure. Growing up, I managed to avoid braces. As I recall, my dentist said I had a big mouth. My family certainly will attest to that. My sister ended up with braces. She wasn't happy that I had such an expansive mouth...
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Children step up to fun (3/16/04)Forget those expensive Disney rides. Our kids love those big malls in St. Louis that have escalators. They love to travel up and down on the escalators. It's amazing how much fun kids can have on such a utilitarian device. Better yet, it's free. I keep thinking our kids are getting too old to have so much fun on escalators...
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Family clicks on word game (3/9/04)Words can be addicting. I'm not talking about newspaper columns. I'm talking about your basic game of Scrabble. Joni and I played it when we were kids. Now we're playing it again, this time online with our children. It's amazing how much time we can spend gazing at the computer monitor, clicking and dragging virtual letters into spaces on a virtual Scrabble board...
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Family sorts out cookie business (3/2/04)Every year at this time our living room resembles a cookie warehouse. It's stacked so full of boxes of Girl Scout cookies that we have to erect a safety gate to keep our pet pooch, Cassie, from devouring the tasty treats. Cassie loves to eat anything and everything -- including those famous cookies...
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New van brings order to dad's life (2/24/04)We live in an age of organizational gurus who are constantly telling us to reorganize our lives. It sounds great, sort of like home improvement for our souls. To run a household, you need to be organized and efficient, says organizational expert Deniece Schofield, who is in Cape Girardeau today to offer her well-structured advice at two seminars...
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Breaking up is hard -- even for Ken and Barbie (2/17/04)Barbie and Ken are breaking up, much to the surprise of children and parents who thought they were the perfect plastic couple. After 43 years, they're going their separate ways because, says Mattel marketing vice president Russell Arons, Barbie and Ken "feel it's time to spend some quality time apart." Barbie met Ken on the set of a TV commercial in 1961. They had been inseparable since then...
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Preteen weighs in on car buying (2/10/04)It's never easy buying a car. It's even harder when your 12-year-old daughter is intent on making sure that mom and dad don't buy a vehicle that doesn't fit her style. Becca is only three years away from getting behind the wheel for some parentally supervised driving. She's already excited...
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Family gets little rest at sleepover (2/3/04)There's nothing like a daughter's sleepover birthday party to make you appreciate a little rest. Our oldest daughter, Becca, celebrated her 12th birthday last weekend with a sleepover with seven of her closest friends. We didn't want our 8-year-old, Bailey, to be left out, so we let her have a friend over, too...
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Family charged up about electricity (1/27/04)It's not food and water that sustains us these days. It's electricity. Our lives are wired for sound. Our homes are outfitted with computers, televisions, radios and all sorts of appliances that run on electricity. Our homes are heated by it. We depend on it for everything from basic light to recreation...
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Celebrating penguins, squirrels and bubble wrap (1/20/04)January is a strange month and not just because it's my birthday month. Amid the hangover of all that holiday cheer, we Americans still want to celebrate. The Super Bowl is still a few weeks away, so we make do with other observances. We pride ourselves on having a national celebration for everything, even penguins...
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Daughter dresses for court success (1/13/04)There's nothing like a little dribbling to make you feel good about life. That and a pair of surgical scrubs can make you feel mighty fine. The Harlem Globetrotters were in town the other night. Joni and I took the kids to see the kings of round-ball comedy...
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Writer finds himself old in dog years (1/6/04)It's hard to summarize a half century of life. Traveling down memory lane gets harder the older you get. I turned the Big 5-0 on Monday. My wife and kids and friends wouldn't let me forget it. I got my share of black balloons, a plastic black coffin, an over-the-hill parking permit, a "whine" list, a black T-shirt proclaiming that I "got old" and a blow-up cane. ...
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Family hooked on singing fish (12/30/03)Some gifts keep on giving long after the holidays. Take Travis the Trout, for example. Joni and I received the plastic, singing trout at our Sunday school class Christmas party. Our annual gift exchange involves both silly and nice gifts. We pick numbers to determine the order in which we get to choose the wrapped presents. It's the luck of the draw...
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Decking the halls with powersaws (12/23/03)'Twas the night before Christmas and all through our house, it was a total disaster even for the mouse. OK. The reality is there is no mouse. But the disaster part isn't much of an exaggeration. That's because we're in the middle of a major home remodeling project. We just finished redoing the living room in time to get out the artificial Christmas tree and decorate it for the holidays. The rest of the house still needs a makeover, but Santa won't wait...
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Family finds fun in chilly bridge walk (12/16/03)On a cold, gray Saturday, Joni and I bundled our daughters up in their winter coats and took a shuttle bus to Cape Girardeau's bridge dedication. We joined thousands of others who skipped Christmas shopping for a chance to stand patiently in the cold for the opportunity to walk across the city's new Mississippi River bridge...
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Anything but action figures (12/9/03)Bailey isn't a big letter writer. But she doesn't have a problem corresponding with Santa. "Dear Santa, I have been a good girl," she wrote only days before her 8th birthday. Bailey was proud of the letter that she typed in computer lab at school...
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Family finds sport in shopping (12/2/03)SALE. It's the most powerful word in the English language, particularly this time of year when stores are crammed with holiday shoppers searching for just the right Christmas presents. We visited family in St. Louis last weekend, but our visit wouldn't have been complete without a shopping excursion...
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Barbie fashions are child's play (11/25/03)Bailey still likes Barbie dolls. She has a drawer full of the dolls, most of them stretched out naked just waiting for our daughter to dress them up again. Of course, they're barefoot. It's impossible to keep America's most well-known dolls in those tiny shoes which are always getting lost...
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Family 'angles' for home project (11/18/03)Cheetahs and tigers rule in Becca's room. Everything from her bedspread to the prints on the wall pay homage to the jungle cats. After another long weekend of home improvements, Joni and I finished Becca's room make-over, leaving us with a sense of accomplishment, sore muscles and exhaustion...
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Children aren't on the clock (11/11/03)In our hurry-up world, time doesn't stand still. It rushes along in the fast lane. Our modern society is full of schedules. Seconds matter. Americans have perfected the practice of cramming tons of activities into work and play. We live by schedules, whether neatly recorded in Palm Pilots or outlined in handwritten notes on the refrigerator...
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Painting proves picture of horror (11/2/03)Halloween's over, but the horror of interior decorating remains. We're still in the middle of painting Becca's room. Last weekend, we put on a coat of white, oil-based primer paint after stripping the circus-design wallpaper from the walls with the aid of a steamer that turned the room into a primitive sauna...
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Dad doubles as mom (10/26/03)It's not easy being Mr. Mom day and night. Joni was out of town several days last week for computer training. This meant I had to make sure the kids got dinner, did their homework and didn't stay up too late. It meant I had to get out of bed early three days to wake Becca up for school choir. It meant a major search for matching socks each morning, and packing lunches for Becca and her sister, Bailey...
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Daughter on cutting edge of history (10/19/03)Across America, towns are celebrating the fact that Lewis and Clark slept here and there and left with a few souvenirs. There hasn't been this much excitement about explorers since Columbus sailed the ocean blue. At Cape Girardeau's middle school, they're making cardboard canoes to celebrate the bicentennial of America's most famous explorers...
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Dining out- No music to our ears (10/12/03)Researchers say classical music is a money magnet, encouraging people to spend more money when they're dining out. Researchers in England found people spend more money eating out when they can listen to Bach rather than Britney Spears. "If you hear classical music, it has got all sorts of connotations of sophistication, affluence and wealth and it makes you feel a bit posh," says Adrian North, a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of Leicester in central England...
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Home improvement resembles hurricane (10/5/03)Fixing up your house is like camping out with a hurricane. You just hope you can ride out the storm and that one day your house will really look like that Better-Homes-and-Gardens image that pops up daily in your thoughts. Joni and I have embarked on a plan to upgrade our house...
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Family counts on garage sale to clean up (9/28/03)Thank goodness for two-car garages. Clearly, it's one of the major creations of the 20th century. President Roosevelt may have wanted to put a chicken in every pot, but it's the two-car garage that gave us enough room to hold garage sales so we could keep our personal belongings at a manageable level...
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Family finds fair uncorks much fun (9/14/03)It's sure to leave a bad taste in the mouths of many wine lovers. But California wine maker Randall Grahm believes metal screw caps are better than corks. He's converting his entire production line to prove his point. Grahm believes corks have outlived their usefulness and wine drinkers need to face up to it without getting bogged down in sentiment...
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Family pet finds plenty to bark about (9/7/03)Some West Virginia folks are disgruntled over constantly clucking roosters. One unhappy resident even recorded the offending noise and gave it to Raleigh County officials. One of the county commissioners says a man is raising gamecocks and the birds have been injected with steroids. Raising the birds is legal in West Virginia just as along as they're not used for cockfighting...
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Family looks to labor on Labor Day (8/31/03)Labor Day. Only in America do we turn a holiday into work. I like my holidays to be relaxing affairs. Of course, most of them aren't. But I still see it as a worthwhile goal of any holiday. But my wife doesn't see it that way -- certainly not Labor Day...
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Childhood can be dangerous (8/24/03)Warning: Childhood can be hazardous to your health. Our government has warnings for everything else. I'm surprised they don't have it for childhood. Growing up often seems centered on surviving a perpetual series of spills. Take Becca, for example. At age 11, she's become a fixture in the hospital emergency room...
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Family gets 'burned' in Florida (8/17/03)There's nothing like a summer vacation to Florida to make you appreciate sun blockers and a decent cloud cover. Of course, all the creams in the world won't keep diehard tourists from getting burned. You can tell the tourists from the residents this time of year. The tourists are the ones getting burned and proud of it...
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Warning- Don't drive and spill (7/27/03)Eating is a major distraction for Americans behind the wheel. So says the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, which clearly has an appetite for this kind of issue. Insurance companies likewise are concerned about our mobile eating practices...
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Dad loves good, old pirating (7/20/03)There's nothing like some good old fashioned pirating to make you feel good about the summer. I loved "Pirates of the Caribbean." So did the rest of my family, although I practically had to make them walk the gang plank to get them to go see it. Joni and the girls wanted to see "Legally Blonde 2." But in the end, they agreed to go see the pirate movie. As it turned out, they loved it...
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U.S. stuck on gum trade (7/13/03)It's time to blow a few bubbles in Singapore. The island nation announced last week that it will allow chewing gum to be sold once again, but only through pharmacies. The decision stems from a new free trade agreement between the United States and Singapore that required a whole lot of lobbying from Congress and American gum makers...
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Computers put dad in a jam (7/6/03)Computers don't like me. No sooner than I sit down at the keyboard of our home computer than it freezes up. It refuses to obey my commands. My wife, Joni, says I'm a human virus. "You are what empowers the computer repair business," she tells me...
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Dad finds it tough to be Mr. Mom (6/29/03)It isn't easy being mom. Joni left town for several days last week to attend a hospital conference at Lake of the Ozarks. That left me to take care of the kids without a safety net. But she did have pity on me. She left me plenty of handwritten notes regarding the children's schedules, and envelopes with the money they needed for swimming, the movies and everything else...
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Dad finds schedule, solitaire at his fingertips (6/22/03)My wife says I'm addicted to solitaire. I confess I like to play the game, but only on computer. I'm not one to get out a deck of cards and spend time shuffling it. I like computer cards. They make a nice clicking sound when you move the cards around...
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Children 'clean up' for start of summer (6/15/03)It all started with the question, "Why is the dog wet?" Sometimes you don't want to know the answer. On the first afternoon of their summer vacation, 11-year-old Becca and her good friend, Allie, decided to play with the hose in our backyard. Our pet Sheltie, Cassie, wanted to play too. According to Becca, the dog rolled around and got all wet and muddy...
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Written words aren't all pretty (6/8/03)There's a lot to be said for the written word, but kids are saying more with computer keyboard strokes these days rather than the loops and curves of cursive writing. Handwriting experts fear the popularity of e-mail and other electronic communication could erase cursive writing within decades...
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Daughter revels in 'Me-Me-Me TV' (6/1/03)Becca may have a career ahead of her in television. At least, she sees it as fun to dress the part at a career day event at her middle school. Students came to school last Thursday dressed for their dream-world jobs. Becca chose the job of TV reporter. She came to school with curled hair, a tape recorder, and a microphone carrying the made-up logo, "Me-Me-Me TV." She sported a news badge around her neck...
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Good books should be page turners, not screen fillers (5/25/03)There's nothing like a good book. I'm just not sure it should be downloaded. Joni just finished reading a book the other night. It was a 1,200-page book downloaded on her Palm Pilot. It doesn't seem quite like reading a book to me. Electronic memos are one thing. I can accept the value of e-mail. But no one would mistake it for literature...
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Dad gets fan mail from fifth graders (5/18/03)It's not easy standing before a class of fifth graders trying to explain the joys of journalism. They're not sure about this news thing. I mean, it's not a video game. But, nevertheless, there I was trying to explain my chosen profession to fifth graders at the Cape Girardeau Middle School. Not only did I have to explain it once, I had to explain it to three classes in a row, including daughter Becca's class...
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Child loves monkey business (5/11/03)Nature Girl likes to shout like a monkey. She does this regularly with the passenger window down as I drive along city streets. It can be embarrassing. I worry that someone might hear her and actually wonder if I have a real zoo monkey in the car. Of course, it has its advantages. It's better than the music on the radio...
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Harmony doesn't need name tag (5/4/03)You've got to hand it to Scott Ginsberg. He's made a name for himself. And to think he did it with something as simple as a handwritten, slap-it-on-your-shirt name tag. Ginsberg sees it as a conversation starter, a simple way to get people to talk to each other rather than stare blankly at the floor...