STORKS RUFFLING FEATHRS AND LAUNDRY IN SPANISH TOWN

If you live in Spain, you can expect the stork to deliver your baby.

Over there, the long-necked birds are a protected species.

Storks have invaded Malpartida De Caceres, a village of 2,500.

You'd think there would be more people than that, what with all those storks around.

But then maybe this place is a summer vacation spot for storks. After all, delivering all those bundles of joy is hard work.

The storks need a little rest and relaxation from time to time. Apparently, they get their R and R in this Spanish town.

Some 534 storks have descended on the town, ruffling the feathers of the citizenry.

They ruined Isabel Lancho's dress. They knocked out another lady's TV antenna.

The Catholic priest was almost the victim of a murder most fowl when a stork nest weighing more than 660 pounds tumbled off the church clock tower in May and narrowly missed crushing him and a friend as they walked past.

The 16th century church is home to nearly 40 stork nests. It makes sense to me. A birth is truly a blessed event. Storks, of all creatures, certainly know that.

Storks may know a lot about childbirth, but they know little about good manners.

Adult storks welcome each other by loudly clapping their red bills and telling Don Rickles' jokes.

Birth control isn't an option in this town. There are just too many of the busy birds, who, no doubt, will be dropping bundles of babies all over the place soon.

According to stork experts, the main draw in Malpartida is the local garbage dump.

Storks apparently aren't picky eaters just as long as they don't have to wait for their dinner.

Stork scientists say the birds prefer Spain to Africa. Who can blame them? When it's a question of feast or famine, I'd take the feast any day.

Still, you have to feel sorry for the town's residents, who must feel like they have suddenly been thrust into an Alfred Hitchcock movie.

They are constantly having to dodge the aerial bombardment of stork droppings.

Such assaults are murder on a dress, Isabel Lancho told The Associated Press, which keeps tab on important consumer news like this.

One woman said she no longer gets any channels on her TV set since storks decided to camp out on her antenna. Maybe these birds are just diehard fans of "Jeopardy."

At any rate, it's stuff like this that makes me glad I have cable.

I don't have to worry about a stork landing on my roof. I don't have a TV antenna and my wife and I haven't ordered up another bundle of joy.

Malpartida's mayor is part of the pro-stork faction.

The news story doesn't mention the anti-stork faction, but presumably they feel the mayor and others are a bunch of birdbrains feathering their own nests or at least lending heavy construction equipment so the storks can build those huge homes.

And just where are the building inspectors when you need them?

In the United States this just wouldn't happen. No self-respecting American city would allow storks to build rooftop nests without the proper permits and a ton of inspections.

Of course, that may also explain why this nation has a declining birth rate.

The storks just don't feel welcome here.

Perhaps the federal government could provide free stork housing and TV antennas to encourage those delivery birds to settle here.

Birth-control advocates won't like it, but it seems a small price to pay for a bundle of joy.

Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.