While mom fights war, son, daughter grow up

Aside from infancy, perhaps there's no age when a daughter counts on her mother more.

At age 12, Ashleigh Robinson is leaving behind the traits that make her a child and trying to embrace the qualities that will take her into adulthood. The same girl who climbed trees last summer is beginning to care more about how she looks and how others perceive her.

Meanwhile, Mom, otherwise known as Staff Sgt. Julie Curtis, is commanding about 20 troops in a National Guard transportation company. Serving in the dangerous desert of Iraq since June, Mom can't be there to give her daughter fashion advice on her way out the door.

Bill Robinson, thrust into the role of full-time Dad, is the first to say he doesn't have much to offer in the way of motherly instincts. He's a man's man, with gray hair, a smoker's laugh and a rough edge about him. He's a guy who likes football and baseball but can't get too excited about soccer. A 33-year retired veteran of the National Guard, he's a get-what-you-need-and-get-out-of-the-store kind of guy. He doesn't have the patience for two-hour shopping trips.

But Bill, Ashleigh, and 9-year-old Alec, with the help of their favorite aunt, "Big Ashley," are finding a way to make life as normal as possible without Mom. It's a process being played out across the country as more female soldiers take their places beside male counterparts in wartime.

A Missouri National Guard spokesman, 2nd Lt. Jamie Melchert, said the Guard doesn't have specific statistics regarding gender ratios, but he roughly estimates that one of every 10 to 15 guardsmen are actually guardswomen.

Bill and Julie divorced about nine years ago, but both are very much involved in their children's lives. Bill has coached Alec's summer baseball teams the past four years; Julie has coached Ashleigh's basketball teams.

These days, Bill tries to fill both roles. His house is neither immaculate nor sloppy, and his children appear comfortable. Alec flops a leg over the arm of a chair; Ashleigh tucks her legs under her while sitting on the couch.

As comfortable as they are in their seats, they are not comfortable discussing their feelings about their mother, at least not to a stranger. But there is no doubt they miss her.

Alec, a star on his undefeated junior league flag-football squad, generally doesn't sit still long enough to think about his mother's absence, but sometimes it catches him unexpectedly. He lets his emotions fly. Like his father, Alec is a man's little man, a macho kid who smiles a lot, but also cries sometimes. At certain moments he is overwhelmed by his mother's absence and the tears overflow.

Ashleigh, meanwhile, is more reserved and more like her mother -- a 12-year-old "going on 17," her dad says. She's mature for her age and doesn't always let the world know how she's feeling inside.

But there are those around her who have seen glimpses of how much she misses Staff Sgt. Julie Curtis.

Big Ashley, the affectionate name given to aunt Ashley Liard, is Julie Curtis' sister and Ashleigh's namesake.

Bill considers Ashley a godsend. Ashley, and her husband Tim, live in Cape Girardeau and take care of Ashleigh and Alec on some weekends, giving Robinson a break and letting Ashleigh spend some "girlie time" with a female.

Julie's husband, Frank Curtis -- who also spends quite a bit of time with Ashleigh and Alec -- discovered a photo on Missouri's National Guard Web site, and one of the people in the photo appeared to be Julie holding a big, empty container of some sort.

The image was too small to tell for sure if it really was Julie, but Ashleigh was certain, by the size of the woman and her posture. She even fell asleep with the picture by her face.

On Thursday, Julie called home. Julie was, indeed, in the photo.

Busy schedules

The best way to keep the kids' minds off Mom is to keep them busy, Bill says.

And that's pretty easy. When not in school, Alec is active in baseball or football; Ashleigh is a member of the school choir.

They both have a lot of friends in their neighborhood, and after-school backyard baseball games are common.

There are two completed jigsaws on the living room coffee table. Puzzles often keep Bill and Ashleigh busy indoors, especially on weekends. Alec, like a Mexican jumping bean, can't sit still long enough to mess with them. But all three like to play the board and card games that are stacked underneath the coffee table. UNO is their favorite.

When they're not having fun, Alec and Ashleigh might be doing chores around the house. Or homework. Ashleigh is maintaining excellent grades. Alec is doing OK.

Keeping the children busy means keeping Bill busy too.

Bill, who used to have the children every Wednesday, every other weekend and for a couple hours every day after school, now finds himself in the role of full-time Dad. He picks up Ashleigh from choir practice, takes Alec to ball practice. Back and forth he goes. He does twice the laundry, twice the grocery shopping and still works full time for the Army National Guard funeral honors program.

He has gained a whole new respect for the women who decide to give up careers and stay at home.

"It takes a lot of energy and management skills," he said.

Every day, however, there is time set aside for Julie. The children write daily journals to their favorite staff sergeant and send the journals on Saturday. Sometimes they bake cookies and send other things that Julie asks for, such as wet wipes and trail mix. Sometimes Bill writes letters, too.

Julie works in the 100-degree desert -- the same desert where more than 330 U.S. soldiers have died since the war began. Since June, she has been delivering goods back and forth across Iraq while fighting the sand fleas and sand storms. She only gets to call every two weeks or so, and the conversations only last about 10 minutes.

Tough times

Bill says the most emotional times for the children were March through June, when Julie was training in Fort Leonard Wood. She was going through a mini boot camp and hadn't yet gone overseas. She came back on some weekends.

On three different occasions during that span, however, Julie was told she was headed to Iraq. Three times, Ashleigh and Alec thought they had said goodbye only to be surprised to see their mother again and only to be depressed when they had to say goodbye again.

The ups and downs ended on June 23.

Ashleigh and Alec asked some tough questions at first, particularly when it was reported that Jessica Lynch was captured by the enemy and later rescued.

It took Julie about two weeks to make first contact with the family from overseas. It seemed like an eternity.

Bill tried to keep the news off the television as much as possible, but the questions were inevitable.

When is Mommy coming home? Is Mommy going to die?

Bill answered the questions as positively as he could.

"I didn't lie," he said. "I said there is always a chance that she could get hurt, but you just have to trust in the Lord that she'll come back all right."

Julie doesn't talk to about how much she misses her children. She's like her daughter that way.

But Julie is missing a lot.

In the five months she has been gone, Ashleigh has attended her first two dances. Big Ashley helped her pick out just the right blouse that would go with just the right pants. Later, Ashleigh danced the night away, decorated in lip gloss and glitter.

Julie will miss Alec's big flag football Super Bowl game at Jackson Stadium next Saturday and five months of the funny little things that fun-loving, outgoing 9-year-old boys do.

But the Robinsons are plugging along in Fruitland. It's not the same without Mom, but it's getting easier, Ashleigh said.

No one knows for sure when Julie and the rest of the 1221st Transportation Company might be coming home. It may be January; it may be June.

Those who have spoken to Julie say she's ready to come to her family, and she can bet her combat boots the feeling is mutual.

bmiller@semissourian.com

243-6635