When food means trouble

For 22-year-old Michelle Tracy, food used to be more than just a means of nourishment -- it was a reward and a punishment.

She used to eat to comfort herself, but what followed would be torment. "After eating and filling myself up, throwing up was a punishment for eating too much," said Tracy, a student at Southeast Missouri State University. "I would try to throw up until I actually thought I saw my face get smaller."

Like an estimated 20 percent of college-age women, Tracy suffers from an eating disorder.

"It was the secret in my head," Tracy told a group of students at an eating disorders recovery panel Tuesday night. "It was the one thing I could keep secret that nobody else knew."

Tracy and others who suffer from eating disorders are sharing their stories with the campus and the community during Southeast's Eating Disorders Awareness Week.

Throughout the week, discussions and free and confidential screenings have been taking place to raise awareness of the problem and help those who may be suffering silently, like Tracy did beginning at age 13.

"It's really hard to get help, because so many people just don't understand what it's about," Tracy explained. She hopes that by telling her story she might convince others to get help before they really hurt themselves or even die.

Tracy's story starts from the time of her earliest memories, when events happened to trigger what would later in life turn into full-blown bulimia nervosa, a disorder in which the victim goes through cycles of eating large amounts of food then vomiting it up.

She said it all started with her mother.

"My mom would always comment every day on how fat she was and how ugly she was," Tracy said. "When you hear that every day for so many years it becomes true even when it's not said to you."Tracy thought if her mother, who was not overweight, thought that about herself, then Tracy must think that way too.

Tracy was also molested, another blow to her self-esteem.

Eating disorders can be triggered by events that occur even in preschool years, said Linda Vogelsang, a counselor with the university's Center for Health and Counseling.

"At Southeast and across the country I really don't think we have an accurate number because it's such a hidden thing," Vogelsang said. "There's a lot of it that goes on that I never see because they don't come in for help."

Those suffering from eating disorders face a string of health complications, including the possibility of holes in the esophagus and teeth rotting in the case of bulimia and cardiac arrest with either bulimia or the related anorexia nervosa, which is characterized by self-starvation.

Emotional distress leads to problems because the victims often see food as something they can control in their volatile lives by limiting intake. But for others, said Vogelsang, society's image of the ideal body is a catalyst.

"The media, especially the magazines and the TV that young people watch, have a tremendous influence over the way that we think we're supposed to look. Studies show that young girls as young as first grade are worried about being fat and going on diets, and that's really scary," Vogelsang said.

Impressing a boy

Southeast graduate student Brandi Kissel fell for that image. Her eating disorder, which most resembled anorexia, started in high school in her efforts to impress a boy. She started not eating and taking laxatives, going through a box in less than a week's time.

"If I ate anything, Correctol was my way of punishing myself," Kissel said. Sometimes she would take six or seven of the laxative pills in a day. Like Tracy, she still struggles with her problem.

"A person never really gets over an eating disorder. There's something that's still with me now," Kissel said.

For both Tracy and Kissel, the key to controlling their problem has been the support of loved ones. Each one found a man who helped stabilize their lives and inspire them to change their ways.

For Tracy, it was her fiance, Will Bollinger Jr., who has been with her for 2 1/2 years.

"I just try to be supportive," Bollinger said. "It's hard to find the right thing to say. You almost have to learn a different vocabulary at times."

Even more important to helping Tracy with her problem has been her 21-month-old son, Kavanah. She was still bingeing and purging four months into her pregnancy with him and realized she had to stop for the sake of his health.

Kavanah has given her a reason to live and carry on a normal life so that he won't face the kind of emotional problems she did.

"It still happens and I still have relapses," Tracy said. "The only thing that keeps me sane and keeps me from going back to relapsing more is my son."

Eating Disorders Awareness Week continues today at Southeast with screening sessions from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. at Towers Cafeteria and a presentation today by local radio personality Faune Riggin at 6 p.m. in the University Center Missouriana Room. Riggin will talk about her own problems with an eating disorder.

msanders@semissourian.com

335-6611, extension 182

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Eating disorders

ANOREXIA NERVOSA

An eating disorder characterized by self-starvation and excessive weight loss. Symptoms include:

* Refusal to maintain weight at or above minimally normal weight

* Intense fear of weight gain

* Feeling fat despite dramatic weight loss

* Loss of menstrual periods

* Extreme concern with body weight and shape.

BULIMIA NERVOSA

An eating disorder characterized by a secretive cycle of binge eating followed by purging. Includes eating abnormally large amounts of food in short periods then getting rid of the food and calories through vomiting, laxative abuse or over-exercising.

Symptoms include:

* Repeated episodes of bingeing and purging

* Feeling out of control during a binge and eating beyond the point of comfortable fullness

* Purging after a binge

* Frequent dieting

* Extreme concern with body weight and shape

BINGE EATING DISORDER

Characterized by periods of uncontrolled, impulsive or continuous eating beyond the point of feeling comfortably full. There is no purging, but there may be sporadic fasts or repetitive diets and feelings of shame or self-hatred after a binge. People with this disorder may struggle with anxiety, depression and loneliness. Body weight can vary from normal to mild, moderate or severe obesity.

OTHER EATING DISORDERS

Other disorders can include combinations of some aspects of any and all of the other disorders. These disorders aren't considered a full syndrome eating disorder, but can still be very dangerous.

Source: National Eating Disorders Association