VIEW FROM HERE: A FEW IDEAS FOR ANY GENETICIST WITH SOME SPARE TIME

Will the wonders of science never cease? There's now a company producing squirt guns that launch glow-in-the-dark ammo made using duplicated luminescent genes from jellyfish.

According to an Associated Press story, Prolume, a partnership of doctors and scientists, hopes to raise enough money from the sale of this novelty item to underwrite more serious pursuits, such as using the glowing genes to identify cancerous tumors or detect nerve gas.

The $4.99 squirt gun is loaded with powdered genes that were replicated from a jellyfish caught off the coast of Washington state. Add some distilled water to the chamber, and fire. As the liquid squirts it looks just like water. But when it hits something anything that contains calcium, which can be found on people and all kinds of other things it lights up.

Other novelty item Prolume is considering include glow-in-the-dark beverages (for those who like their beer really light), hair mousse, ink and cake frosting.

Such products got me thinking about other consumer products scientists could be producing, if only they weren't so preoccupied with things like cures for diseases.

As long as scientists are making things glow in the dark, how about doing this with kids toys, especially Lego pieces and little cars that always end up between me and the bathroom when I have to visit that room in the middle of the night. Being able to spot these items that tend to lurk in the carpet would save my feet from constant battering.

If they can use luminescent jellyfish genes to make things glow, how about the camouflaging genes from chameleons to make things seemingly disappear. Then when you saw your mother-in-law pulling up for a visit, you wouldn't have to fret because there wasn't time to vacuum up cobwebs or wipe away dust. A few spritzes of this camouflaging solution would make such unsightly nuisances disappear. You might even use it on your kids if they misbehave.

How about implanting the genes that make flowers smell so good behind people's ears so they'd never have to buy perfume again. On some people you might want to implant them in other spots, as well.

As we get better at identifying genes and what they trigger, whole new possibilities open up. I have an uncle who is one of the world's greatest procrastinators. How about implanting in him the gene that makes the hummingbird such a busy worker. Or for those annoying people who can't sit still and are always in constant motion, give them genes from a turtle to get them to slow down.

As someone who is always getting lost because I have no sense of direction, I'd appreciate the genes from a homing pigeon. Or how about those from a compulsive cleaner. Then I wouldn't need the camouflage solution after all.

Teresa Johnson is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian