The soft whispers of Wehrenberg

Everyone has been to the movies at least once in their life. If not, then stop reading right now, because you won't be able to relate any of things I am going to say to personal experiences that you've had while sitting in those comfy seats looking up at the silver screen.

I remember turning 17 and finally realizing that I could go to aN R-rated movie --without a parent! (I actually had been to R-rated movies before without the parents numerous times, but we were able to get past the tricky Wehrenberg security.) "Old School" was the naughtiest R-rated movie we could find at the time so when I asked for my ticket, I was more than happy to show my ID to the ticket salesperson or whatever they're called.

"Why yessir!" I said whipping my driver's license out. I proceeded to merrily skip into the theater holding what might as well have been the golden ticket to get into Willie Wonka's house.

Most recently, however, I went to see "The Punisher" with some people and we were not carded at the door. I was a little disappointed at the fact that I didn't have to prove to them that I was older than 17, but I still felt pretty cool going to the restricted movie.

As we stood in the dark theater looking up at what seemed to be hundreds of people, an "official" of the theater came through the door and called security on "four boys who may need to be removed from the theater."

A sly smirk crossed my face and I thought, "Oh, is he in for a sur-prise now..."

BAM! All four of us flashed our IDs while cursing at him and his evil face slowly grew sad as he saw that all of us were mature enough to see people be brutally murdered and maybe even ... a naked girl! (blushes)

Of course as we tried to find our seats in the sea of people we overheard all the 20-somethings snicker and say "They were carded? Did you see that? Oh man, that's gotta suck." These of course, are the same people who still insist on singing the Wehrenberg theme song as the movie begins ... even the five whispers after the song is done. (Yes, I've counted them.) And when the song "Get Low" came on in one of the previews I thought the theater was going to turn into a club scene.

"Yeaahh!!" one moron shouted across the room as I turned and saw several people seat dancing (still sitting down but trying to dance).

Now, we need to talk about Town Plaza. I'm sorry, Town Plaza management, I really am, but I'm not the only who thinks the place needs some, well, remodeling. Sure, the movies you show there are great. However, the floors are a little too sticky for my liking and I feel like I've time-traveled back to 1973 when I see a movie there.

Well, now that I've ruined my chances of ever getting a job in the theater business around here, I hope all of you have somehow experienced a little something of what I've gone through.

Note to mature guys my age out there: You only get to see one naked girl in the whole movie, but it was still cool!

Sam DeReign is a senior at Oran High School. Contact him at sdereign@semissourian.com.