The perils of being a veggie on Turkey Day

For some, Thanksgiving is a time to gorge on massive quantities of food and fall asleep in front of the TV. This used to be the case for me.

Now, I have much more to worry about. I have been vegetarian for some time now, but this is my first Thanksgiving as such.

I'm not saying that the turkey is the most important part of the Thanksgiving ritual. There are plenty of delicious sides such as mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, etc. And the fun of making centerpieces of paper Pilgrims introducing new illnesses to paper Native Americans. And let's not forget the turkey created solely by tracing your hand on paper, then adding some eyes and legs!

Am I missing anything? Oh, right, family and all that.

But it's not that I'll miss the turkey, or the hundreds of incarnations of the turkey in the days following Thanksgiving. After all, if I really feel left out I can purchase a Tofurky. Available in select supermarkets, the Tofurky resembles a ham in shape but tastes just like turkey -- and can even come stuffed if you choose. I have tried the sliced version and it's delicious.

So I'm not worrying about that. It's the comments that I'm getting ready for. My fiancé and I receive comments about our vegetarianism every so often, but I expect that during a holiday where the primary objective is to stuff as much meat into your bloated food-hole as possible, the questions and concerns will increase two-fold.

So, let's get this straight. Be sure to memorize these answers because chances are if you are a meat-eater you will ask a veggie or vegan friend questions that they have heard many times before.

1. No, I do not miss meat. Sometimes I will have a craving for something odd, like deli turkey sandwiches, which like I said can be replaced by Tofurky. But I never really was a huge meat fan to begin with.

2. The tastiness of tofu and items like veggie hamburgers depend, like meat, on what kind you get, how you prepare it, etc. I do enjoy soy.

3. No, I do not eat chicken. Chicken is meat.

4. There's no one reason why I chose to become vegetarian. Part of it is a health concern, part of it is because I don't agree with factory farming.

I'm no hippie, but part of it is due to the fact that I don't believe a living, breathing creature that feels pain should have to die to be in the middle of a 99 cent hamburger. Just because an animal can't follow the storyline of "Lost" doesn't give me the right to devour it.

5. On that note, I don't care if you eat meat in front of me. I'm not going to go all PETA and strip naked to protest in front of your house. Just don't expect me to spend any money on meat, and please don't be all, "Mmmmm this steak is good, you should try it," or talk about how you will one day trick me into eating meat.

6. I get my protein from soy and nuts. I get my iron from supplements. Where do you get all your essential vitamins and minerals?

7. I am able to do it because I don't place tremendous value on the food that I eat; I don't get sad because I can't eat something. "Eat to live, don't live to eat."

8. Yes, I feel great and my health has improved. No, I haven't lost any weight. No, I am not a hippie.

Since veggies and vegans are apparent freakshows in the SE Missouri area, I thought the above list would help clear up any confusion about our lifestyle choice. I can't, of course, speak for all veggies but I'm sure they get the same questions, just as I and everyone else with a tattoo get asked, "Did that hurt?" on an hourly basis.

I feel for you, veggie brothers and sisters, on this Thanksgiving. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some hand turkeys to make.