The Five of Clubbs: I contain multitudes. And earrings.

If you have read many of my columns, you know I am given to introspection. I'm always looking for deeper meaning, wondering how to make things better and trying to make sure I am appreciating the little things. I am also a planner, a worrier and a prayer (there's a paradox for you). I struggle with being impatient, as well as lamenting how quickly time is passing. I love to organize and clean, then fail to maintain the order. I get stressed out when I am really busy, but I struggle to relax. As Walt Whitman said, "Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes)."

I was reminded of this yet again when my youngest daughter, Lily, started asking me if she could get her ears pierced. I tried to evade the question for several months. Then I started saying, "Maybe after Christmas." Our oldest daughter, Eva, has attempted pierced ears twice and always ended up letting them close. I had pierced ears from kindergarten through graduate school, when an unfortunate pair of earrings caused an infection I couldn't seem to get rid of -- so I stopped wearing any. For the past decade, earlobes have been sort of a bad luck zone for us, so I was hesitant to try it again. I also feared that Lily would be really excited until she got up in the chair, and then she would freak out. I thought with the excitement of Christmas on the way, she might forget about the idea.

As the Christmas season began, my mother-in-law passed away, concluding years of health struggles. We grieved, but the merriment did not stay muted for the rest of December. It was a different holiday, for sure, because we were without her, but there were still cookies and presents and Christmas Eve Mass. We still had each other. I was grateful for the magic and wanted to make the most of it. It seemed cruel that my children had already lost two grandparents at such young ages, and I felt the need to extend the wonderment of childhood for them.

Which might be why, when Lily asked again, I told her we would get her ears pierced the Saturday after the new year. And agreed to let Eva get hers pierced again, too. And when we got in the car to drive to the mall, told the girls I was going to go under the gun as well. It wasn't an expense we needed after Christmas, but it felt right. The girls' squeals of delight and excited chatter as we headed onto the interstate confirmed this.

So there we were in Claire's Boutique, the epitome of frivolous little things, at a pretty deep time in our lives, not worrying, not thinking too much about the commitment of putting holes in one's ears, just having fun being mother-daughter consumers. I keep waiting for the guilt about the price, the sinking feeling that one of us wouldn't be able to keep up with the anti-infection regimen, or some other contradictory emotion to kick in -- but for now, it's just a giggly, silly kind of joy that seems surprisingly right.

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About Brooke

Brooke Clubbs is a Jackson mom of three, a freelance writer and a communications instructor.