THE CASE OF THE WATERMELON PATCH MYSTERY; CHAPTER 13: THE RELENTLESS MARCH OF SCIENCE

LEAD IN: Hank and Eddy have found a way to open the gourd and Hank has started tasting it. It's awful Hank decides. What a taste! But he decides he needs to keep tasting the awful gourds just to make sure ...

Eddy the Rac had just asked if we should continue our scientific studies into the, uh, nature of watermelons and gourds.

"I guess we should, pal. I mean, there might be other fraudulent watermelons in this patch. If Sally May were here, I'm sure she'd urge us to continue with our research, in spite of our fatigue and the lateness of the hour and the so forth."

"One more?"

"Sure. Just one more. Sally May would be proud of us."

And with that, we ... uh ... continued the Relentless March of Science. So to speak. My lab assistant, Dr. Edward T. Rac, selected the next specimen for our ongoing experiment into the, uh, fraudulent characteristics of crypto-watermelons.

Sorry about all the heavy duty scientific terms, but you must remember that one of the major byproducts of scientific study is scientific words that nobody can understand.

See, if you understood everything we were doing, that would be pretty strong proof that we weren't doing much. You'd probably think we were merely goofing off in Sally May's watermelon patch, right? Ha. Nothing could be closer to the truth.

Further from the truth, I should say.

But then something very bad happened. Slim woke up.

Gulp. I knew he would never understand our, uh, selfless devotion to scientific research and so forth.

The beam of a flashlight cut through the darkness of the watermelon patch. I heard the click of a shotgun. Then, Slim's voice yelled out, "There he is, busting up the watermelons!"

HUH?

My mind tumbled. The pieces of the puzzle began falling into place. Once again, my so-called friend Eddy the Rac had lured me into ... oh brother! Do you see what had happened to me? The little sneak ha ... OK, maybe I had ...

See, I was the Head of Ranch Security, doing guard duty in Sally May's watermelon patch, and I was about to be caught in the act of eating ...

Okay, let's come clean on this. They weren't bitter gourds. They were watermelons -- luscious juicy sweet watermelons, and I'm sorry to report that I had eaten several and had found them ... delicious. Wonderful.

I had never dreamed that a dog might develop a taste for watermelons. I had, and that was a very dangerous thing for a ranch dog to develop a taste for. And fellers, all at once I found myself in a world of trouble.

Slim's voice rang out again. "There's the coon, dogs. Get 'em, Hank!"

My ears jumped. Did you hear what he said? He said, "There's the coon, dogs." Holy smokes, that meant he hadn't seen me in the beam of his flashlight. He'd seen Eddy but not me. In other words ...

A plan -- an Emergency Rescue Plan -- began taking shape in my mind. I turned to my ... I almost said "friend," but I'm not sure he was a friend. In some ways he was a nice guy, but every time I got around him, I ended up in a mess of trouble.

Anyways, I turned to Eddy. "Listen, bud, I'm fixing to do something radical.

"I don't have time to explain. You'll just have to trust me and do what I say. We're both about to be ventilated with buckshot. I happen to think you deserve it, but I happen to think I don't. So, to save myself, I'll have to save you too."

"I'm for that. All ears. What's the deal?"

"The deal, Eddy, is that we must stage a fight. That might save what's left of my reputation, and it might save your worthless carcass, since Slim won't fire on me. I hope."

"Me too. Can't use buckshot."

"When I give the word, we'll stage a fight, and I mean teeth, claws, growls, the whole nine yards of fighting. I'll try not to hurt you, Eddy, but we've got to make this thing look real."

"Got it."

"Oh, and one last thing, you little sneak. Don't ever offer me another deal."

"Got it. No more deals."

"Okay. Ready? Go for it, and make it convincing!"

Maybe I shouldn't have told him to make the fight "convincing."

You ever been in a fight with a raccoon? A guy's first impression is that they're sort of cute -- you know, with their little hands and dark eyes and the mask and so forth.

But a guy's next impression, and the one that tends to stick in his memory, is that they have sharp teeth and sharp claws, they know how to use 'em in a fight, and they're about as cute as a shark.

Our fight turned out to be a whole lot more than I had expected.

NEXT CHAPTER (PUBLISHED JAN. 9): It's the final chapter! Slim arrives on the scene. Drover too! Eddy nearly tears Hank's ear off! What an exciting finish to a wonderful story!