THE CASE OF THE WATERMELON PATCH MYSTERY; CHAPTER 1: HANK TELLS ABOUT A GORILLA IN THE FEED BARN (FIRST OF 14 PARTS)

It's me again, Hank the Cowdog. When I awoke on that particular morning, I had no way of knowing that I would soon be attacked by a Headless Cowboy or that I would find myself investigating a terrible murder in the watermelon patch.

It was a Wednesday morning, as I recall, in the month of August. Drover and I were sitting in front of the machine shed, eating our breakfast. As you might recall, our dog food is served to us in an overturned Ford hubcap.

A lot of dogs would have complained about eating out of an old greasy hubcap. Not me. I figure that if a guy's going to be Head of Ranch Security, he has to tough it out.

But on the other hand, you'd think they could break down and buy us a decent bowl, wouldn't you? I mean, if you had a couple of high-dollar, top-of-the-line cowdogs, wouldn't you want them eating out of a nice clean bowl instead of greasy, smelly old hubcap?

I would. I'd buy us one made out of purest gold or silver. That would show the proper respect, if you ask me, but nobody ever does. That's the kind of cheap outfit we work for.

Well, in spite of all that, we were glad to find our overturned Ford hubcap heaped high with golden kernels of Co-op dog food, and we went right to work on it. In a show of courtesy and respect, I allowed myself to take first bite.

As we were crunching our breakfast, Drover noticed several nicks and scratches on my ears and nose. "What happened to you?"

"That? Oh, nothing much. Yesterday morning, while you were sleeping your life away, I did a routine check of the feed barn and ran into some trouble."

"I'll be derned. Coons, I'll bet. They're pretty tough."

I chewed my way through a big bite of kernels. "You think a few wimpy little coons could scar me up like this? I'm afraid not, Drover. It was something far more dangerous."

"What was it?"

Crunch, crunch. "I'm not sure I should tell you. You'd get scared. I'd hate to have that on my conscience."

"Oh, come on, Hank. I can take it, honest. I promise I won't be scared."

"Really?" Crunch, crunch. "Okay, we'll give you a try. What's the scariest thing you can imagine finding in the feed barn?"

"Well, let's see." He thought about it for a moment. "A gorilla, a big hairy gorilla."

"What color?"

"Well, let's see. Red. A big red hairy gorilla."

Crunch, crunch. "Drover, you won't believe this, but that's exactly what I found in the feed barn."

His jaw dropped and he stopped eating. "No fooling? You saw a gorilla in our feed barn?"

"Yes sir, a live one. He was ripping open sacks of horse feed and throwing bales of hay around as if they were nothing but pillows."

"Oh my gosh, he must have been big."

"I'd say so, yes. I'd guess he was, oh, seven feet tall and weighed 500 pounds."

"No fooling?"

"Honest. He was tearing the place apart, and the racket was terrible."

"What did you do?"

"I threw back the door, marched in there and yelled, 'Freeze, turkey, you're under arrest!'"

Drover's eyes went blank. "I thought you said it was a gorilla."

"I did."

"But then you said it was a frozen turkey."

"No, I did not say that. When I rushed in to make my arrest, I yelled, Freeze, turkey.' That's what you're supposed to yell when you bust into a place and make an arrest."

"I'll be derned, I didn't know that."

"Remember it, son, you might need it one of these days."

"If I ever catch a gorilla, I think I'll just call him Mister Gorilla and then go hide in the machine shed."

"You're interrupting my story."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Okay, so I busted in there and told him he was under arrest. He whirled around and looked at me with this horrible ugly face red eyes that glowed in the dark, Drover."

Drover was buying my story, I mean, he was scared speechless. Did I dare go on with the yarn and give him even more of a scare?

Heh, heh. You bet. ... Only it led to something I never could have predicted.

NEXT CHAPTER: The story gets scarier!