THE ART (OR SCIENCE) OF FLIRTATION

The coy glance. The hair toss. The necklace caress. The shoulder squeeze. The intimate lean.

If flirting were an Olympic sport, judges would be holding up score cards on all of those maneuvers.

In the game of love, flirting skills may determine who makes the cut and who's home alone.

Body language is a big part of flirtation maneuvers and the way we try to attract others, said Joyce Griffin, a relationship and marriage counselor based in Cape Girardeau.

Flirtation is basic to human nature, but it's a fairly complex phenomenon, Griffin said. Signals have to be sent out and received for the process to work.

Sometimes the key to flirting successfully -- or realizing that you're being flirted with -- "is understanding the differences and the nuances that we use," Griffin said.

Not surprisingly, men and women use different methods when they flirt, she said.

"Different things turn on men and women, and I think we almost know that by instinct," Griffin said.

Women like to be touched, she said, and men prefer visual stimulation, "so women try to present themselves in a way that's attractive."

Flirtation methods center on those attractions.

"Women often use their voices when they flirt," Griffin said. "Something that I was surprised to learn is that men touch more. They touch the arm or whatever. I would have thought women did. But men touch more, and maybe that's because women like being touched."

Men may squeeze a woman's shoulder or arm when greeting her, Griffin said.

Men also tend to be more "up front" when they flirt, she said. "Women are a little more subtle. Women use a lot of positioning in the way they sit, the way they posture themselves."

Body language says it all, Griffin said.

"When men are interested, they will assume a more relaxed position, sitting back, kind of receptive, and a woman, when she's interested, will lean forward," she said.

Women also tend to do things that will draw a man's gaze, like playing with their hair or jewelry, she said.

Targets of flirtatious gazes are different for men and women, she said. Women will look at a man's face feature by feature.

"If a woman's really flirting, she looks at his nose, she looks at his eyes, she looks at his mouth. Then she starts all over again," Griffin said. "She looks very intently at his face. He's looking down a little further."

When women are deep into the flirtation mode, the "Little Me" syndrome starts. They underplay their strengths and assume a lot less power.

And hanging on a man's every word is a time-proven technique, she said. Women who aren't knock-down gorgeous are "a lot more attractive" when they are very attentive to what the man is saying.

Flirting takes place in business as a way to establish contact and get the other person's attention, she said.

But office flirtations can be dangerous if the person being flirted at feels his or her job hinges on their response.

Flirtation is usually used in the hope of establishing a relationship. But couples who've been together a long time flirt, too, Griffin said.

"There are certain flirtations that go on between the couple, certain things the couple likes," she said. "Maybe it's a piece of lingerie that a woman will wear, knowing it's his favorite. Every once in a while, he'll carry home a rose as a flirtation."