Technology brings rapid changes to the dating scene

The flower arrangement area of Knaup Floral in Cape Girardeau was bursting with colors of bows, ribbons, vases, balloons and an array of vibrant flowers waiting in buckets. Bright red rose petals were a shock of color against green stems and leaves scattered beneath the moving feet of the floral designers.

Another Valentine's Day soon will be in the books.

The shop tries to inject romance into society; flowers are still a symbol of love and affection. But is romance fading?

Technology is changing the way couples meet and interact. Rather than write letters or talk for hours on the phone, lovers send text messages. Being "in a relationship" on Facebook seems to carry as much weight as a girl wearing a letterman's jacket or a class ring. Rather than blind dates being set up by friends, websites that study compatibility bring potential soul mates together. People can feel a deep connection with someone without having even met them in person.

"There's not enough romance in the world," said Kathryn Knaup-Landewee, owner of the flower shop, on Thursday afternoon. She said she believes people want to bring romance back. "There needs to be more togetherness, and that involves romance."

Janet Williams, a designer at Knaup Floral in Cape Girardeau, prepares a bouquet of red carnations, Thursday, Feb. 13, 2014. (Laura Simon)

As people become busier and have less time to date, some turn to online dating to find a romantic partner.

Online dating is a billion-dollar industry that has contributed to an increase in marriages of couples who met online compared to a decline of the marriages of couples who met more traditionally.

According to a 2013 news release from eHarmony, an online matchmaking service, an average of 438 people marry every day in the U.S. as a result of being matched on eHarmony, which is nearly 4 percent of new marriages.

Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America (PNAS) conducted a study using a national sample of 19,131 individuals who married between 2005 and 2012.

The study found more than one-third of marriages in America began online, and marriages that began online, when compared to those married through traditional offline venues, were slightly less likely to result in separation or divorce.

Online marriages also were associated with slightly higher marital satisfaction among those in the study who remained married, the study found.

Chrissie and Justin Shay, both from Southeast Missouri, found each other using an online dating website, and they married 11 months later. The couple celebrated their second wedding anniversary Tuesday.

"It felt right; it felt fun," Chrissie Shay said of their quick "I dos." "I know people say opposites attract. I think that's true for us. Whatever he seems to lack, I seem to make up for."

Online dating was a good way to get back into the dating world for Chrissie Shay, who at the time was a single mother to her son, Taven.

Chrissie said she questioned who would want her "pre-made family."

"It turns out that's what he was looking for," she said of her husband Justin.

Everyone is so busy, Chrissie said, and she and Justin wouldn't have met had it not been for online dating.

Many people are meeting through dating websites, Chrissie Shay said, and online matchmaking is becoming more normal and "out of the whole kidnap stage" -- a fear Chrissie's friends had when they heard of Chrissie's date with someone she met online.

For some couples, online dating works, and for others it doesn't, she said.

"I think it's a different thing. It hasn't evolved enough to say if it's a good or bad thing."

A native of Cape Girardeau who wished to remain anonymous used eHarmony's service and formed a monogamous relationship with a man that lasted about six months.

"I would never do it again," she said. "I would never ever do it again."

She believes the man she met lied on the survey portion of his profile, allowing him to be matched with a certain kind of person -- and she was that person.

"When it comes to romance, I think men especially are going to do what ever they can to hook a woman who typically might not give [them] the time of day,"

she said.

Who the man really was did not match with who he said he was on his profile, she said, which she found out after she became pregnant with his child.

His profile said he was very close to his family, when in reality he was not, and the onion kept peeling back from there, she said.

The man told her he was afraid if she knew who he really was, she wouldn't date him, which was true, she admitted.

Though online dating services have been successful for a few of her friends and she believes it works for some, she would not recommend it.

"It really gives you a false sense of security that you have a sense of who that person is," she said.

She suggests having a friend set up a date with someone they know.

"My cautionary tale is: Don't be stupid like I was," she said.

Others question the safety of meeting someone met online.

Janet Nkurunziza of Rwanda, who was in Cape Girardeau visiting Southeast Missouri State University student Mary Robison, said she thinks online dating is kind of dangerous.

She spoke of a woman from Africa who met someone online and learned he was a criminal.

"It's still a little bit scary," Nkurunziza said.

Adam Slinkard, a sophomore at Southeast, had been dating his girlfriend for more than a year before she broke up with him Sunday.

Being fresh to the dating scene is scary, he said, but he would not consider online dating.

"I think dating is more about being there," and not online, Slinkard said. Online dating is "too much of a break from the traditional way" of dating.

The dating scene, as college students see it, can be difficult to navigate.

Josh Kelly, a Southeast senior, joked that the dating scene is challenging for him, as he recently struck out after asking out two waitresses.

"It will be single-awareness day tomorrow for me," he said.

Jordyn Aden, a Southeast freshman, said unless one meets another in class, there aren't many places for students to meet unless they go to bars downtown. And if you're not 21, that's not an option, either.

A great way to connect to others is using social media, she said, but that has its downfalls, as personal information can be displayed in a profile.

"There's no mystery anymore," Aden said.

Slinkard's friend, Matt Smith, a junior at Southeast, said the use of social media such as Facebook makes it easier to ask someone on a date. He met three of his girlfriends through the use of social media.

"It takes away the pressure of meeting face to face," he said.

The PNAS study found of the respondents who met their spouse online, 20.87 percent met them through a social network, and 45.01 percent met them through an online dating site.

When Chrissie and Justin Shay met online, Chrissie said the two were able to focus on getting to know each other.

"The more people involved in a relationship, the more difficult it is," Justin Shay said.

The computer got rid of all the basic questions, which was all that was necessary, in Chrissie Shay's opinion.

"I married you," she said, speaking of her husband. "I have the rest of my life to get to know you."

ashedd@semissourian.com

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