Survivors' loved ones meet for suicide conference in Cape

Suicide is a completely different kind of loss, say survivors who met Saturday to take part in Cape Girardeau's first International Survivors of Suicide Day Conference.

A group of about a dozen people who had lost loved ones to suicide met at the Cape Girardeau Regional Airport to take part in an international webcast sponsored by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

Each person lit a small candle that sat on the table in front of them throughout the conference in honor of their lost loved one.

"For me, the most healing thing was to meet someone else going through the same thing," said Jennifer Huffman, who helped organize the conference. "We've all felt the whys and the why nots, and we all understand that."

Huffman, who lost her mother 13 years ago, hopes to set up a Cape Girardeau chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention that would hold regular weekly meetings to help those who are coping with the loss of a loved one to suicide.

"Having someone to talk to is the only way you will survive," said Erin Schwerdtfeger, who lost her boyfriend to suicide five years ago this month. "This type of death is so different -- knowing that person chose to end their life. It's hard to understand or process how someone can get to that point."

Saturday's International Survivors of Suicide Day Conference webcast was designed to be a day of healing for bereavement after suicide. Along with directors of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, the webcast featured six panelists who lost family members to suicide. Topics discussed included coping techniques, ways to remember lost loved ones during the upcoming holiday season, and ways surviving a suicide changed them.

"I live every day very purposefully," said Kerry Payne, a webcast panelist who lost her father, Myles Bean, to suicide in June 2001. "His death has given me a purpose. I want to push myself to try new things and not have any regrets. For that I am grateful. My dad gave me a gift in the way he left."

While a support group and events like Saturday's conference help suicide survivors, Schwerdtfeger said there are not enough mental health resources in Cape Girardeau available to those who are considering suicide or recovering from a loved one's

suicide.

"I have insurance, and it took me six months to get in to see a psychiatrist," Schwerdtfeger said. "Obviously there is a large need. If we can get a [AFSP] Chapter started, maybe we can bring in some more medical professionals. There's only so much you can do. You do need somebody who is trained."

Southeast Hospital has approximately 15 beds for voluntary psychiatric care, but patients must agree to treatment, and many times those suffering from a mental illness won't, survivors said. The closest hospitals to Cape Girardeau that will accept involuntary psychiatric patients are Poplar Bluff Regional Medical Center and Mineral Area Regional Medical Center in Farmington, Mo.

Survivors of a loved one's suicide said at Saturday's conference that all types of death leave a scar, but the wounds from a loved one's suicide just don't

heal.

"When you think you're starting to get better, something will stir it up and make it fresh all over again," April Meyer said.

More information about International Survivors of Suicide Day and other resources for coping with suicide can be found at www.afsp.org.

mmiller@semissourian.com

388-3646

Pertinent address:

Cape Girardeau Regional Airport, Cape Girardeau, MO