SUPPORT GROUP SERVES FAMILIES DEALING WITH MENTAL ILLNESS

Margot Atwood grieves for her son, for the things he has missed and the things she has missed.

Her son has schizophrenia. The symptoms first showed up when he was 20 and in the military. He was discharged. "I would get calls from all over the United States," Atwood said. When he's sick, he exhibits bizarre behavior.

She brought him home and became his guardian, but the illness progressed. Once he directed traffic at the intersection of William and Kingshighway. He disrupted church during a family member's first communion service. He lay in front of a judge's door. "These are things he would never do when he's well," Atwood said.

He's been in and out of the hospital more than 100 times. He has good times and bad times.

With proper medication, the bizarre behavior stops and he is able to function. He's been stable for over six months. But Atwood's never sure when the telephone might ring in the middle of the night with news that her son is sick again.

"It tore me to pieces," Atwood said. "He still blames me whenever he gets sick. I get messages on my answering machine, three or four minutes of `I love you, but ....'"

"I feel almost like I've lost a son," she said. "That's the most painful thing, and that's why this group is so important."

Atwood is a member of the SEMO Alliance for the Mentally Ill, a support group for families dealing with mental illness.

The group meets the second Tuesday of each month at St. Andrew Lutheran Church. It is sponsored through Community Counseling Center and is open to families dealing with mental illness.

The group has been meeting for more than eight years. Almost a year ago, they joined the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, said Denise Essner, who facilitates the meetings.

This new partnership gives families access to more information on legislation, research and advocacy.

Essner said that when someone develops a mental illness it's hard on the entire family, especially parents.

"It's so hard when they're hurting and feeling bad," Essner said.

Group members share tips and resources they learn. "It's good to talk with someone who understands what you are going through," said Atwood.

Another mother tells about her daughter, also a schizophrenic. She is afraid to use her name because of the stigma attached to mental illness. The group battles with the need to talk about the illnesses and combat misunderstandings. At the same time, they don't want to embarrass or hurt the family member who is sick.

"It's like diabetes," she explained. "It's a chronic illness, and we have to know what the illness is and how she is going to live with it."

Her daughter is lucky. She was properly diagnosed and treated immediately. Her daughter's disease is under control and she's back at work.

Other families struggle with near daily crises.

A mother and father tell about their daughter who suffers major depression.

"She can't seem to pull out of it," said her mother. "She is totally dependent on us for her social support. We are the only ones she has. It's hard."

Her father recalls when she held a job and seemed to be doing well. Then the disease took hold. She attempted suicide. They urged her to move home.

"We thought we could relieve the pressure," her father said. "Now she has totally lost confidence in herself." He fears she is over medicated.

"She doesn't like her life. She's still looking for a magic pill," her mother said. "You never know when you go to bed if you will get a call.

"At first we really struggled with it. We couldn't get any answers. Doctors didn't want to talk to us," she said. "We could have used this support group four years earlier."

Another mother tells of her son, who was diagnosed with schizophrenia when he was 18. He saw many different psychiatrists and was in and out of hospitals.

"They all said it was schizophrenia, except one. He took him off all the medicine," she recalled. As a mother, she hoped that doctor would be right and her son didn't have schizophrenia. He was wrong.

Her son's back on medicine but has developed a drinking problem.

She is at the support group meetings regularly seeking help for her son and a friend to listen.

For information about the group, call the Community Counseling Center at 334-1100.