Space station commander used ugly neckwear to handle stress

STAR CITY, Russia -- Whenever it got stressful aboard the international space station, astronaut Kenneth Bowersox put on a tie, "a really ugly tie."

He had taken the tie with him in case he needed cheering up during the long stay in space. It would remind him of his buddies down below, working at their desks, wearing their ties.

During the 5 1/2 months he was up there, 250 miles above Earth, he found himself wearing it a lot.

First, there was a switch in his spacewalking partner because of health concerns, an awkward, potentially dangerous change that hardly ever happens in orbit. There was the Columbia disaster Feb. 1, the realization that he and his crew would be stuck up there for a while as the space shuttle fleet was grounded. There was the war in Iraq. Then, the planning for a return never expected -- aboard a Russian Soyuz capsule no NASA astronaut had ever flown back to Earth in before.

Putting his tie on, "I'd always feel better," the space station commander said, reflecting on the mission that ended last Sunday.

Tough times still ahead

Now back on Earth, and home to Houston in just over a week, the 46-year-old Navy captain said in an interview he knows the tough times aren't over yet.

"I know that NASA people have gone through a lot in the last three months. It's been a very tough time for all of our friends here," Bowersox said. "They're still going through that (grieving) process, and we're going to have to sort of catch up on that with them. Hopefully, we'll help them and they'll help us."

The funerals are over though, one of his best friends notes. And for some NASA workers, grief has been supplanted by the passionate urge to fix whatever went wrong and get back to flying shuttles. Still, the grieving process is far from over for Bowersox and fellow astronaut Donald Pettit, said Dr. J.D. Polk, a NASA flight surgeon.

"It's been a delay," Polk said. "They haven't gotten closure on this yet, for them. They're going to need that when they get back, and they'll have a lot more emotional release yet to come as they confront family and friends that they didn't get to express themselves to."

Within minutes of Columbia's breakup over Texas on Feb. 1, Mission Control had relayed the grim news to Bowersox and his crew, Pettit and cosmonaut Nikolai Budarin. The space station skipper wanted to know if any parachutes had been spotted and whether the seven shuttle astronauts might have escaped.

"Even though I told them there were no chutes, we have no beacons, trying to slowly let him know that this crew is lost, it was a very, very hard realization," Polk said. "It probably wasn't until 12 hours afterward that the crew really came to grips with the fact.

"This wasn't just a crew, these were people who were their friends," Polk said. "It was a very personal loss and that was very hard for them."

Bowersox's oldest son, age 10, knew one of the Columbia astronaut's sons. Pettit had been playing chess in space, via e-mail, with Columbia's pilot. So there will be those families, and the five other Columbia astronauts' families, for Bowersox and Pettit to visit.

Because the accident occurred on the weekend, Bowersox, Pettit and Budarin were off duty. But by Monday, two days after the tragedy, they were hard at work again. Bowersox wanted the crew to be busy, and he wanted flight controllers to be busy, too.

Subdued radio contact

As the days passed, Bowersox kept the radio conversations with Mission Control subdued, out of respect for what had happened.

"We didn't talk a lot, we were pretty much business, trying to be positive," he said. "And then as the flight went on, we tried to be a little more aggressive with the ground and try to joke with them a little bit more."

Their seclusion finally ended when a new Soyuz arrived in late April with their replacements, astronaut Edward Lu and cosmonaut Yuri Malenchenko.

After six days together, the two crews shook hands goodbye, and Bowersox, Pettit and Budarin climbed into their docked Soyuz for the trip home aboard an unfamiliar spacecraft. Only one American had ever descended to Earth in a Russian capsule before -- California millionaire Dennis Tito, who paid for the trip.

When they hit the ground a week ago, they were nearly 300 miles from their landing site and it took two hours for searchers to find them. Those two hours gave NASA and others monitoring the flight a scare because of a loss of communication with the crew.

All but one of the Soyuz antennas were broken or unusable; a computer software error, officials believe, probably caused the steeper and rougher than usual descent.

"Thank God it worked out," NASA administrator Sean O'Keefe said. "The amazing part, no injuries, no nothing."

Two days after their hair-raising homecoming, Bowersox and Pettit praised their Russian trainers for preparing them well before the flight for just such a possibility. They also thanked their wives for their courage.

"I think they were both probably hiding it a little bit at Mission Control," Bowersox said.

He and Pettit have another week of recuperating at Star City before they fly home to Houston.

It would be tempting to hurry back to Houston, "but I want to be here with our (station) partners," Bowersox said. "I want to properly mark the occasion of our return and do the ceremonial functions that are so important. And then I'm going to go home and rest."

Pettit is already getting plenty of rest. The 6-foot, 165-pound engineer returned in a pretty shaky state and has had a rough return to gravity -- apparently the result of being tall, thin and a first-time spaceflier.

His stockier and more experienced crewmates were toasting their success with brandy on the plane ride from the Kazakh capital of Astana to Star City. Pettit was lying quietly on a couch.

"It takes a while to get your shore legs back after an expedition like this," Pettit explained two days later. His wife, Micki, said doctors advised them it would be another few days before he was truly up and about.

And it will be a while longer before he's romping with Evan and Garrett, his 2 1/2-year-old twin sons who greeted him at Star City.

Bowersox's sons, ages 10, 8 and 6, are waiting for him back in Houston. Their parents didn't want them to miss school.

"I hope I'm popular with my boys. I think they're all mad at me for being gone," the astronaut said.

Budarin, a 50-year-old engineer, also must wait a little longer before seeing his first grandchild, Valeriya, who turned one month old on landing day. All three men are confined to Star City until a ceremony on May 19. After that, they will be free to go their separate ways.

The three men were forced to leave a batch of personal belongings behind in the space station because the Soyuz capsule was too cramped to bring everything back.

Among the items are Pettit's Leatherman tools and didgeridoo, an Australian Aborigine horn that he serenaded his sons with over the radio.

And Bowersox's ugly tie is still up there, too.

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