SOON-TO-BE DADS LEARN ABOUT KID STUFF, PAPAHOOD

Bruce Dovin of Jackson searched the Internet for more information on first-time fathers.

Brendan Straubel, instructor of the New Fathers: What to Expect class, suggested that the fathers get involved early in the baby's life.

The countdown is on to D-Day (delivery day) at Tim and Amy Hopper's house. They are expecting a baby Sept. 16.

In addition to decorating the nursery and attending Lamaze classes, the couple attended a new course at Southeast Missouri Hospital specifically for fathers-to-be.

Although Tim has two other children from a previous marriage, he thought a refresher course was in order. About halfway through the class Tim wished he had taken the course before his other children were born.

"I'm learning stuff I didn't know," he said, "and a lot of this I learned through trial and error, but it would have been nice to know ahead of time."

Tim said being involved in his children's lives is important. "I don't want them thinking I'm a stranger," he said.

Sometimes his friends razz him for changing diapers or feeding babies, but he doesn't care. "You have to defend your right to be involved," he said.

Bruce Dovin agreed. His baby daughter is expected Sept. 25.

"I need whatever information I can get," he said. "I have no clue."

Dovin wants to be a good father and husband. "My wife and I both work full-time jobs. She can't do it all. It has to be mutual."

Encouraging participation in papahood is the goal of the course at Southeast Missouri Hospital, explained instructor Brendan Straubel, father of a 2-year-old.

Straubel is also a certified parent educator and works with ParentLink and Educare in Cape Girardeau.

"We stress how being involved as a father benefits children," he said. Women usually have some experience in caring for children. They played with dolls or did some baby-sitting.

Many men don't have those same experiences with babies.

"Dads often aren't real confident," Straubel said. "We have big hands and we're afraid we might break them."

So Straubel gives some common-sense recommendations for babycare. For example, he recommends diapers with velcro-like closures. New dads often have trouble with the sticky tape used on some disposable diapers.

He also advises against fussy clothing with tiny snaps and buttons. Those big hands get in the way.

On the other hand, those big, strong hands work well for giving slippery babies a bath.

"Sometimes dads don't feel they have the same control," Straubel said. "They may feel left out of parenting."

But research shows that a father's input is important to a child's development.

For example, children with an involved father have less depression, less aggression, higher IQs, more self-control, more successful breastfeeding and a better sense of humor.

"Dads are not a second mother," Straubel said. "Dads do things differently."

Dads are more physical than moms when playing with babies.

In another study, children stacked blocks with their moms and then their dads. Moms were more likely to ensure success by straightening the stack. Dads were more likely to allow failure by letting the blocks topple over.

"You can see why both parts would be important," Straubel said.

Straubel said learning to be a parent is like learning to water ski. After a few basic safety lessons, the only way to learn is to jump in and do it.

Fathers who want to be involved sometimes have a hard time knowing how to step in and participate. Mothers often feel a great deal of pressure to be a perfect parent, but moms need to step back and give dads a chance to learn.

Dads can get involved in the physical care of babies, giving baths, feeding and changing diapers.

In addition, he recommended dads get involved in decisions that affect the child, such as what daycare to what to do about bedtime.

"Parenting the rest of the child's life involves two people," Straubel said. "You might as well get involved early."