SINGLE PARENTS FACE SPECIAL CHALLENGES; MOM DOESN'T WANT CRITICISM TO TOUCH CHILD

Sheila Davis had come to terms with her decision to have a baby on her own. It was a personal choice that she agonized over for months.

But earlier this year, when the issue of family values began making headlines, she felt criticized for being a single mother for the first time.

The 38-year-old looked at her 2-year-old and fought back tears and rage. Be~lieving that the singling out of single parents ultimately leads to criticism of their children, she said she never wanted her daughter to be criticized for her decision.

"I was appalled. Why should she have to suffer that stigma because of a choice I made?" Davis said.

"Just because you're not married doesn't mean you don't have family values or that you won't instill them in your kids," she said.

Davis says she holds little interest in the "family values" debate or on election-year rhetoric about what comprises a "real" family.

For Davis, the cornerstone of a family including those with single parents at the helm is love, not statistics.

"I'd love to have a husband, a house in the suburbs, 2.4 kids or whatever the average is, and a picket fence," she said. "But you don't always get what you want."

Davis never expected to become a single mother. After getting pregnant unexpectedly at age 36, she knew she faced difficult choices. She never thought that she'd face criticism for her decision to have the baby especially not from politicians.

"I could have had an abortion, and no one would have known. I would have faced no criticism. But I wanted her," she said. "I wanted her more than anything in the world. And I want her to grow up knowing that."

The "family values" debate provides a means for pushing the focus away from real issues, Davis said.

"The single parents, it's almost like they're being singled out when they're really the ones who have to work the hardest.

"The economy should be the big issue," she said.

"I think people are more worried about finding and keeping jobs, paying all the bills they don't know how they're going to pay, and about their children's educations, not about who was born out of wedlock," she said.

It's not only single-parent families that are finding it tougher to make it financially these days. But on one income, it's not easy, Davis said.

An office worker in Cape Girardeau, Davis makes what she calls an "adequate" salary. And though she had to file a paternity suit to get it, she receives monthly child support checks from the girl's father.

But raising a baby on her own has been a struggle, she said.

"That first year, getting bombarded with medical bills, day-care expenses, diapers, formula, and getting by on three hours of sleep at a time, it was hard work," she said. "I don't know how a single mother working for minimum wage does it."

Davis said she wants understanding, not sympathy, concerning her choice to raise a child on her own.

She said since Shelby was born, she's happily taken on the responsibility of raising her and hasn't missed the social life made impossible because of so little time for friends.

"I've devoted my life to her, and I enjoy it. I try so hard to make up for her not having a daddy, to make sure she feels secure, to make sure I'm always there for her. If that's not family values, I don't know what is."

Davis said co-workers and family members were not shocked at her pregnancy. They were supportive. Several of them are single parents themselves, the result of divorce, she said. And she said Shelby enjoys the company and support of her grandparents, aunts and uncles.

"People see me as a good, caring mother. They don't look at me and say, `She had a baby out of wedlock.'"

Shelby developed language skills early, Davis said. "She's very bright. She talked very young, and she's always been ahead of other kids her age in motor skills and social skills. A lot of kids don't get all the attention I've given her."

As for the concern over single parenthood and family values, Davis said lawmakers should concentrate on making sure the welfare of children whether in one- or two-parent homes is protected.

"I wish (politicians) would be as concerned about deadbeat dads who are around to make the babies but not to raise them or finance them, and not worry about who was born out of wedlock," she said.

Davis said the controversy over what makes up a family has made her more determined than ever to succeed in raising her daughter on her own.

"There are sacrifices I make, but there is so much joy I get from this baby. No one has the right to tell me I shouldn't have had her or that I lack family values."

She thinks family values "should not be a campaign issue" this November.