SAFE HOUSE HELPS STOP VIOLENT RELATIONSHIPS

Debra Willis Hamilton knows that it is not easy for most victims of domestic violence to break free from the violent relationship.

As the shelter manager of the Safe House for Women in Cape Girardeau, Hamilton has seen the devastating effects of the cycle of violence on women and children and knows the difficulty many women have in ending the relationship.

"Most women in a violent relationship will experience the violence seven or eight times before finally breaking free," Hamilton said.

Part of what keeps the women in the relationships is the nature of the violence itself, Hamilton said. Domestic violence is not a matter of temper, but is about controlling another person, she said.

The process which leads to a woman becoming the victim of domestic violence may take months, even years, to manifest itself, with the woman gradually letting a man control her until her thinking and actions become totally dependent on his. Those women suffer from what is called "battered wife syndrome," Hamilton said.

Although the stereotype of a battered wife is a poor woman, Hamilton said that there is no typical victim of domestic violence. The violence cuts across socio-economic lines, she said.

"From a prevention standpoint, nothing is stronger in ending domestic violence than legal accountability," Hamilton said.

For that reason, she said, the Safe House typically encourages the victims of domestic violence to vigorously pursue prosecution of the batterer.

"Most people who abuse others do it because they can get away with it. Being held responsible and accountable by the community is the No. 1 deterrent," she said.

The Domestic Violence Diversion Program, instituted by the Cape Girardeau Prosecuting Attorney's Office and the Board of Probation and Parole, holds the batterers accountable because the batterer must admit in writing that he is guilty of abuse. Also, if during the program he offends again, he will be prosecuted. For those reasons, the Safe House supports the program, Hamilton said.

Organizations like the Safe House for Women are meant to help women break free from abusive relationships and end the cycle of violence.

In the six years since opening its doors, Nov. 1, 1991, the Safe House has served 1,324 women and children. More than 1,200 of the women and children have actually sought shelter there, some for a day or two, others for upwards of seven or eight months. The average stay is about six weeks.

The women who seek shelter are looking for a secure place where their abusers cannot find them, Hamilton said, and the Safe House provides them with a secure building in a confidential location.

Though the majority of its clientele comes from Southeast Missouri, the Safe House also shelters women from throughout the United States who hear about it through a network of similar shelters.

In addition, the Safe House works with law enforcement agencies and the prosecutor's office to help victims of domestic violence by providing them with legal advocacy or even going to court with the women to support them.

It also has groups which provide peer support for women.