Pre-teen personal care an important lesson

When to start using deodorant

"There's wide variation in the development of kids. Some need deodorant earlier than others. Kids will make fun of them if they smell and they want to fit in," says Denise Essner, psychotherapist with Ken Callis and Associates in Cape Girardeau.

Karen Gleeson, a guidance counselor at Central Junior High School, says she often talks with students about hygiene issues, sometimes at the request of a teacher or after peers have commented.

"Sometimes kids don't have access to the needed supplies, but if the counselor is aware the school will often provide the items," she says. "Parents can help by being supportive and having the supplies on hand."

According to Dr. Sarah Aydt, a Cape Girardeau internist and pediatrician, body odor begins before puberty so better sooner than later.

When to start shaving

Local experts say the time to start shaving is when the need arises. However, they agree that this isn't always the reality. Often preteens shave because of peer pressure. Once shaving begins, hair thickens and becomes stiffer. Then shaving becomes a necessity. Parents and kids should decide together, says Essner. "Culture creates expectations a lot of the time and culture changes. This is one reason kids are developing earlier than in previous years," she says.

When to start wearing a bra

Another big step for preteen girls is when to begin wearing a bra. Girls mature at different stages; some actually need a bra when others do not. That's a decision mother and daughter can make together, but girls should not build their self-esteem around their body image, says Aydt. Often girls want to wear a bra to fit in rather than from need. "Girls ought to definitely wear a bra as soon as the nipples begin to show," she says.

Essner advises parents to look for self-esteem issues. Although our culture pushes things like bras and growing up quickly, kids need to know that worth comes from within, she says.

Other preteen issues

The introduction to menstruation is a dramatic event for girls, and boys experience wet dreams around this age of puberty. Parents can be a valuable asset in helping their offspring adapt to developmental and emotional changes. According to Gleeson, "Parents should talk with and let their young person know they have supplies stashed in a drawer or somewhere for use when the time comes. Moms can assure daughters they will be there for them. This eases some of the anxiety and embarrassment."

"Parents can assure sons that wet dreams are a natural part of growing up and nothing to be ashamed of," says Aydt. "Wet dreams can occur as early as age 10. The time of experiencing wet dreams can be a good opportunity to talk about the responsibilities of sex. Parents still have control at that age and kids will still listen and respect what parents tell them."

"The appearance of acne is something that parents need to pay attention to," says Aydt. "It should be addressed from the beginning and if it's bad enough medical help should be sought."

Parents can be a child's strongest support system by keeping the lines of communication open, providing them with wholesome information and supporting the preteen in their developmental stages.

"Preteen years are the introduction to maturity -- the bridge between childhood and adulthood," says Aydt.