Playing it safe: Getting to know fellow parents is important for kids' safety

Sometimes, letting children out into the world can be difficult for parents, especially in the case of younger kids.

After all, it's hard not to wonder if children are safe or making the right decisions while in the care of their friends' legal guardians.

Shannon Anderson, a counselor at Tender Hearts Child Therapy Center in Cape Girardeau and a regular Flourish columnist, says the best way to avoid that kind of angst is to make sure you know all you can about the people whose homes your child might be visiting for things like play dates and sleepovers.

"You just have to get to know the person ahead of time," he says.

If your son or daughter comes home from school one day asking to visit a new friend's house, it's best to hit the pause button so you can do a little a recon first.

Anderson suggests having a meet-and-greet with the new friend's mom or dad before saying yes to any requests. That can mean asking the parent or parents to coffee in an effort to get to know them, or having the other child over to your own home first. Or you can set up the initial play date in a public place such as a park, just to see how all the dynamics play out.

Does the other parent show up on time? How is he or she around her son or daughter? How does he or she act around you and your child? Is the new friend rude or prone to lying?

All of these are red flags that might make you want to think twice about allowing your child to associate with the other family.

If you decide a new friendship probably isn't going to be productive, the best way to get around it is through tactful avoidance.

"Be polite, but just be 'busy,'" Anderson says.

Jan Ward, a counselor at Great Oak Counseling in Cape Girardeau and a counseling professor at Southeast Missouri State University, says your kids themselves can be a good source of information when you're vetting other parents. So can parents you've known a lot longer.

"Ask your child what they know about the other parents," Ward says. "Ask other parents that you know and trust about them. Observe them in public, if possible."

One big question to ask is if your kids know of any weapons in the other family's home.

"Do they have guns in their house? If so, how are they secured?" Ward says. "Make sure children know to leave a home if they see a gun."

Although you might not want to seem overzealous or uncool in your children's eyes, safety is paramount.

When a friendship is toxic or potentially unsafe, the best way to disengage from it is not to forbid your child to interact with the other child.

"Forbidding them to associate with another child will make the relationship more attractive to them," Ward says.

That's especially true for older kids or teens, who are more likely to rebel than younger children, Anderson says.

"You kind of have to rely on your child to pick the right friends," he says.

That means parenting them in such a way that, when presented with temptation, they will make the right decision about where -- and with whom -- they choose to spend time.

"With teens, it's more about having an open, honest discussion. You want them to feel like they have more say so," he says. "The more forceful you are about it, the more likely they are to go around behind you."