Pimples appear out of nowhere

We all get them. Even the Olsen twins. They're God's way of telling you that you're a greasy slob that needs to stop eating so much pizza all the time. Well, that's what he tells me anyway. Pimples appear in many places all over your body and they're here to stay for generations to come.

I believe even the dinosaurs may have had an early form of the pimple. In fact, I have scientific evidence that it was not a meteor that killed them. It was dry skin. Yes, after years of trying to avoid pimples with tanning beds and Differen Gel, they shriveled up and died. In the following paragraphs I'll describe a couple of my favorite places to have a pimple pulsate on myself.

My absolute favorite is the pimple that takes up part of your normal skin and part of your lip, making it look as if you have Satan's cold sore. There is no way of popping them. Just let them be. Trying to use your tongue does not help hide it. It just makes it more obvious when you're licking your lips between each word you say and watching everyone's eyes drift down toward your mouth. Eventually I just want to walk up to a stranger and say, "Look, it's a pimple! I've got greasy buildup on my mouth! How disgusting is that!!!" Then I'd prance away laughing hysterically.

Let's move on to the neck, shall we? Why must we get them here? It's bad enough to have them on your face but in places that you don't notice at first glance? There's nothing more disturbing than to be standing behind someone and see one that's just begging to be popped. You actually want to get out of its way before it explodes like the atomic bomb.

There's nothing more painful than popping them. And there's nothing more obvious on a person than a freshly popped pimple.

"Why is your face bleeding, Sam?"

"Why does it look like you were shot with a pellet gun?"

I'm afraid the girls are the luckier ones in this matter. They have a little something called makeup to make themselves look flawless and greaseless. If guys were caught wearing make up I'm sure that pimple on your nose would be the least of your social worries.

I feel better knowing that I've gotten that out of the way. Oh, and remember, kids: Don't talk to strangers ... unless, of course, you want to proudly point out that zit on your chin. Yes ... that one right there.

Sam DeReign is a senior at Oran High School. E-mail him at sdereign@semissourian.com.