Oprah's boyfriend sets April lectures in Cape

Stedman Graham has said in the past that being Oprah Winfrey's boyfriend was "crippling" to his identity. But in the years since, Graham says he has learned to focus on his own qualities and to not compete with the wealthy and powerful television superstar.

"You build your own identity by not trying to be somebody else and being yourself," Graham said in a telephone interview Tuesday. "If you're in a big circle, you carve out a smaller circle in that space. ... Don't try to compete, and don't get too caught up in it."

Graham will be sharing that message -- building your own life -- when he comes to Cape Girardeau April 27 to speak at two separate events.

Graham, who has been in a relationship with Winfrey for many years, will give a talk geared for secretaries first. Called "You Can Make it Happen," the lecture will be presented from 1 to 3 p.m. at Glenn Auditorium on the campus of Southeast Missouri State University. University officials said that is a special event for Administrative Professionals Day.

Graham also will give a speech open to the public from 7 to 9 p.m. at the Show Me Center. The topic is "Build Your Own Life and Corporate Brand." A question-and-answer session and an opportunity to buy books autographed by Graham will follow.

Graham is chairman and CEO of S. Graham & Associates, a marketing firm in Chicago. He has authored a number of books, including two New York Times best sellers, "You Can Make it Happen: A Nine-Step Plan For Success," and "Teens Can Make it Happen: Nine Steps to Success, You Can Make it Happen Every Day."

Graham, who gives many motivational speeches throughout the year, said his talks are intended to help people find out who they are.

"What I try to do is wake people up," he said. "Most people are doing the same thing over and over every single day, so they never get a chance to think. People live in a routine. What I tell them to do is to improve upon that routine and make it better or expand it."

He said his nine-step process helps people define themselves. The steps include: finding your passion, creating a vision, developing an execution plan, overcoming challenges, navigating through change and committing to your vision.

People also need to develop their own brand, he said, similar to what corporate America does.

"You have to have authenticity before you can brand," he said. "Otherwise, you're branding the wrong thing. ... Everybody has the potential to have a brand. The value you give yourself is the value the world gives you."

Graham is being brought here by Southeast's Office of Extended and Continuing Education and Office of Student Development.

The fact that Graham is in a relationship with the ultrapopular Winfrey wasn't the driving force behind bringing him here, university officials said.

"Sure, the attraction of him being affiliated with Oprah was an added bonus," said Michelle Kilburn, assistant director of Southeast Missouri State University's office of extended and continuing education.

But when the department's advisory committee was brainstorming, it was Graham's message they found most appealing -- leadership, values and creating a unique and positive image.

"It really was more about his message," said Kilburn, who is organizing the event.

Joyce Becker, the director of the continuing education department, said Graham reduced his speaking fee, which normally is about $15,000.

"It was substantially down from that," she said. "We were able to negotiate it down to less than half that. We really got a bargain."

Graham's goal is helping people transform themselves and overcoming labels, whether they are racial or gender based.

His principles especially apply to those in the business world, he said.

"It's called leadership. So how big is leadership in business? Huge. How big is it in government? Huge. How big is in self-leadership? I think you know the answer."

So does Winfrey practice his principles?

"I think every successful person does, to one degree," he said. "That's how I got here. But you can't define success for other people. That's for each person to decide."

smoyers@semissourian.com

335-6611, extension 137

WANT TO GO?

* What: Stedman Graham lectures

* When: April 27

* Where: First event: 1 to 3 p.m. at Glenn Auditorium, $20 advance ticket sales only; second event: 7 to 9 p.m. at the Show Me Center, $15 in advance, $20 at the door; students can pay $5 in advance or $10 at the door; there is no charge to faculty and staff

* Info: (573) 986-6879.

* Tickets available: March 30