On Mother's Day, absence weighs

On the day before Thanksgiving, Charles Parsons was drinking coffee at his favorite Cape Girardeau cafe when he got a phone call that changed his life

Parsons, 43, was informed the adoptive parents who had raised him since the age of 4, had just been killed in a traffic accident in Sikeston.

Delbert Ray Parsons, 78, and Wanda Lee Parsons, 77, of Bertrand, Missouri, had been married 52 years.

"They pulled out in front of a semi in Sikeston," said Parsons, who is facing his first Mother's Day not only without his mom but his dad as well.

"The (caller) said 'They're dead,' and I just sat there," said Parsons, a digital media producer based in Cape Girardeau, who said he moved back to southeast Missouri from Houston 10 years ago to be close to his parents.

Charles Parsons of Cape Girardeau faces a Mothers Day not only without his mom but also his father, both killed in a Sikeston traffic accident six months ago in this photo from the lobby of the Marquette Tower in Cape, April 27, 2021.Jeff Long ~ jlong@semissourian.com

Parsons said he has talked to the owner of the company whose semi was involved in the fatal crash.

"I told him there's no ill will from us; it's just something that happened," he said.

Feelings

Reflecting nearly six months later about the sudden loss of Delbert and Wanda, the word "guilt" pops up frequently.

"Guilt can twist memories," opined Parsons. "I think about how every disagreement we ever had and the times I could have spent more time with them."

One regret is looming larger in the immediate aftermath of their passing.

"We asked them to get out of the house for a day so a pest control company could come in for a treatment," said Parsons, who added the day of temporary evacuation was the day his parents died.

Another part of the guilt Parsons carries is some intense feelings the day before the accident.

"I was so frustrated because neither Mom nor Dad had made preparations for the treatment, hadn't done anything to get ready, really, so my uncle and I worked seven hours to get the house ready," he said, adding, "I was so mad."

Parsons said he was to provide the food for a Thanksgiving that never happened.

"The night before they died, I told them I'd bring food from Cracker Barrel because they really loved it," he said.

The funeral

"My dad was a U.S. Air Force military policeman during the Vietnam Era, so they were buried at the National Cemetery in Bloomfield, and the service was so quick," Parsons recalled, noting the funeral rites lasted barely 10 minutes and only nine people could attend because of COVID restrictions.

"They didn't allow flowers, but there was a 21-gun salute," he noted.

Advice

Parsons said he would offer the following advice to people who want to console others at a time of bereavement.

"Leave the platitudes at home; don't try to make a family member feel better; just create an environment so the (bereaved) can talk," he said.

A lingering memory

Parsons recalled his mother and father were punctual and always considerate and noted a remark Delbert once made that will stay in his memory a long time: "Dad said, 'Mom and I are so glad we adopted you, and we're proud of you.'"