More older couples together without wedding

WASHINGTON -- Vic Pelton, 73 and in love, says there are no wedding bells in his future. He's content to share house keys and closet space -- but not "I do's" -- with his girlfriend of nearly two decades.

Census Bureau data shows Pelton and his 64-year-old lady love, Jean Lovetang, are among a growing number of older Americans living together. There are at least 112,000 such couples, a survey found.

"There aren't many trends where grandparents are imitating their grandchildren, but cohabitation is one of them," said Dorion Solot, co-founder of Alternatives to Marriage Project, a Boston-based advocacy group.

The reasons vary. For Pelton and his companion, it is a combination of bad experiences in previous marriages and the desire to keep their finances separate.

Pelton said he still gets odd reactions when he tells people about the living arrangement.

"With some people, their eyes widen after I tell them. A lot don't say anything, but a few ask, 'Why?'" said Pelton, of Roseville, Calif.

Up 60 percent

Married couples head more than half the country's 105.5 million homes and the vast majority of unmarried twosomes are under age 44.

The Census Bureau's Current Population Survey -- separate from the once-a-decade head count -- shows about 203,000 households contain just two unrelated adults, a man and woman, at least one of whom is 65 or older. They could be in a loving relationship or simply friends. That's up 60 percent from 1990 and 71 percent from 1980.

Overall, the bureau survey estimated there were 4.7 million unmarried twosomes in 2000, up about 62 percent from 1990 and nearly three times the number in 1980. Of that total, 964,000 couples are age 45 to 64, nearly three times more than in 1990 and more than four times as many as 1980.

On the 2000 survey, people were also given the chance to specify if they were an unmarried partner -- not simply living with someone in a platonic relationship -- and broke down answers by age. That option was not available in 1980 or 1990.

The survey found at least 112,000 households headed by someone 65 and older with an unmarried partner, who might also have other adults living in the home such as a parent or sibling.

University of Michigan sociologist Pamela Smock believes the number is even greater and will increase because people are living longer and social mores are changing.

"I would speculate that the older population is somewhat more hesitant to even admit to living together," Smock said. "They grew up and were young adults in a time when 'shacking up' was very much stigmatized."

Can't be put on paper

Paul Firestone, 80, has no reservation relating how he and fellow octogenarian Joan Copeland came to live together. They met -- awkwardly -- at a party in New York City 12 years ago.

"She was beautiful. I touched her on the shoulder, felt her velvet dress, and suddenly she screamed and pushed me away," Firestone said. He later found out the spot he touched was where she had gotten a flu shot.

The two, both widowed, fell in love and moved in together six months later.

"A commitment to each other and love cannot be put down on paper," Firestone said.

Pelton and Lovetang say their families never objected to the living arrangement, though Pelton said there has been one stumbling block: What should his grandchildren call his girlfriend?

"They don't want to call her 'Grandma', so they finally just called her Jean," he said.