MARRIAGES, DIVORCES REMAIN CONSTANT

Marriage and divorce rates in Cape Girardeau County over the past decade have remained fairly constant, but a family counselor says issues these families face are changing.

The average number of marriages in Cape County for the 10-year period is 748. The average number of divorces is 330.

The divorce rate of about 44 percent is lower than the often quoted national statistic that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce.

Paul Schniedermeyer, a family counselor at Community Counseling Center, said no matter what the statistics say, people generally believe in marriage.

"I think as an institution, marriage is here to stay," he said. "Since the statistics seem to be stabilizing, I wonder if values are stabilizing. I think people realize the power and strength of the family, both emotionally and financially."

"What's different about now than the last generation is that the social pressure to keep people in a marriage is gone," he said. "The divorce rate went up dramatically when that social change happened."

While the statistics of divorce seem grim, Schniedermeyer said, "If 50 percent divorce, 75 percent of those people get remarried."

Schniedermeyer has been doing family and couple counseling in Cape Girardeau for five years.

Today, he said, divorce, remarriage and step families are much more common.

As a result, these new family structures cause a new set of pro~blems for families.

"Many people look at the remarriage and step family and come into it like a typical, nuclear first family," Schniedermeyer said. "But it is a different situation."

In response to these changes, the Community Counseling Center is offering a five week session starting in October to learn about divorce and remarriage.

"So many people now divorcing are going to get remarried," Schniedermeyer said. "It's expected and tolerated but not completely understood. What are the expectations? It's not the same as first family."

In addition to remarriage and step families, Schniedermeyer said children and their feelings have become more important in the divorce process.

"Our Children First program geared to educating people so they understand the impact on the children of divorce and new relationships," he said, "whether it be a step family or the fact that mom and dad no longer live together and may not get along."

The court requires any couple going through a divorce in which a child is involved to take this course, Schniedermeyer said.

One of the goals of the Children First program is to keep parents from placing children in the middle of their disputes.

"In a divorce, often there are old hurts still around and a lot of issues between the now ex-spouses that have not been resolved," he said. "One parent tries to find out what the other is doing through the child."

All that has an impact on the child, he said. "We hope to make a difference for the kids."

Schniedermeyer said most couples he sees get divorces because the two people differ in their idea of what's important.

"The major stresses in marriage are that people do not recognize each other as separate individuals with separate needs, values and expectations. People come into a marriage and expect the other person to reflect their values and expectations. When that doesn't happen, it can cause anxiety, depression, a number of different things."