Marriage at a distance: 'I do' amid a pandemic

Jenni Heisserer invited 240 guests to her April 25 wedding.

But because of social distancing guidelines and the statewide stay-at-home order, the bride -- now Jenni Kroenung -- had to make some changes to her big day and the milestones leading up to it.

Because of COVID-19, the Cape Girardeau resident said she was forced to cancel her bridal shower as well as her bachelorette trip to Nashville, Tennessee.

Her wedding officiant, an uncle residing in South Carolina, was supposed to fly in for the Saturday affair. Instead, the couple was married by one of her bridesmaids, Brittany, who happened to be ordained.

Letting go of all expectations, the bride and her groom, Trevor Kroenung, tied the knot surrounded by just seven other people -- their parents, Brittany and her husband, and their hired wedding photographer, Crockette McColl.

With so many plans suddenly out of their control, Kroenung said it mattered they were married on the date they had first picked.

"With everything going on and all the changes everyone has had to make, we just wanted one thing to stay as planned," Kroenung said a few days ahead of the ceremony. "At the end of the day, I get to marry the man of my dreams on our day, and that's what matters most."

The small ceremony was held in a friend's backyard in Scott County, and in a Facebook message last Sunday, the bride reported a happy update.

"Everything went perfectly, besides the wind and cold, but [we] got the job done and are happily married now," she said.

Although the Kroenungs went ahead with an intimate ceremony, they plan to host a reception and vow renewal ceremony in June.

Brass tacks

As stay-home orders and social distancing restrictions have impacted small businesses and government offices, the logistics of saying "I do" have become uniquely challenging.

Challenging but not impossible to navigate.

In fact, the volume of people applying for marriage licenses in Cape Girardeau County caused Recorder of Deeds Drew Blattner to make some policy changes at his office.

"It was kind of crazy at first when this all started," Blattner said of the pandemic. "We started actually issuing a lot more marriage licenses, it seemed like, than normal. But we were starting to see ... a lot of non-county people coming to get them."

Some of those people, he said, had traveled in from other counties or states that had stopped issuing the licenses. The increase in license applications, paired with the need to allow staff to work remotely during the pandemic, made it difficult for Blattner's office to meet the need for all applicants.

So for now, marriage licenses will only be issued to only those who live in Cape Girardeau County or who have direct, legitimate ties to the area.

For example, if someone lives in another county but works in Cape Girardeau County, or if they were a long-time resident who just moved but still have family in the area, Blattner said he would consider issuing those folks licenses anyway.

"If they can provide that documentation, we'll go ahead and issue the license to them as well," he said. "We want to limit the people who want to drive six hours just so they can get a license, get married and then drive home."

Marriage licenses are only good for 30 days once issued, Blattner said, and must be returned to the recorder's office within those 30 days to be considered valid.

In some cases, where couples had planned a large, ornate wedding but can no longer hold it because of the pandemic, Blattner said he has seen people postpone their weddings and return unused licenses. Other times, he's seen what appear to be spur-of-the-moment weddings catalyzed by fear.

"It appears to be that there's some fear that if things would worsen, they might not be able to get married, so they're wanting to do it right now, kind of like a rush to get married," Blattner said, noting each couples' reasons for marriage are different.

"A lot of people, if they've had a date picked out for a long time, they may not want to change it," Blattner said. "We're encouraging them to postpone, but sometimes they can't."

Since early April, Blattner's office has not had regular open office hours and has used a minimal contact process to issue marriage licenses. Couples must make an appointment to pick up their licenses and can do so by contacting the recorder's office at (573) 243-8123.

Contingency plans

For those still in the planning stages of matrimony, navigating wedding planning amid a global pandemic has been anything but easy.

Kendall Milsap, a former Cape Girardeau resident for 14 years, will marry Perryville, Missouri, native Kenadi Carroll on Aug. 22. The couple, now residing in St. Peters, Missouri, has encountered several challenges in the planning stages of their wedding, Milsap said last Wednesday.

"My fiancee and I took care of a good amount of the major things fairly early on, but due to everything going on with the coronavirus, all of my groomsmen have not been able to get fitted for their tuxes," Milsap said. "The jewelry shop I'm using for our wedding bands is also closed and both of these things have an end-of-May deadline to ensure everything gets here in time and people have the opportunity to get things altered if need be."

Milsap said he has been unable to reach the jewelers while the store is closed but noted he is "keeping positive thoughts that there won't be too much of a delay."

The couple has concerns the coronavirus could still be a factor come August, but Milsap said the venues they have booked for the ceremony and reception have lenient policies concerning refunds for deposits.

"Luckily, our ceremony venue will give 100% of our deposit back if we had to cancel due to the coronavirus," he said.

But the most important thing about how Milsap's wedding day unfolds has nothing to do with the venues or vendors. For him, the most important thing is "just being able to celebrate our relationship and having the opportunity to make memories with all of our family and friends."

Cape Girardeau native and current Lubbock, Texas, resident Aaron Mehner is still making plans for his wedding to Taylor Adams on Sept. 5.

The couple is primarily focused on making sure they can celebrate with all 325 invited guests, Mehner said, noting the reception will be an outdoor affair at his family home.

Should COVID-19 still be a factor in September, Mehner said the couple has considered contingency plans.

"We've discussed the idea of moving the wedding out to the property should the church have to cancel," he said, "but if that's the case then it likely isn't going to be wise or maybe even legal to have a large gathering in private."

Because his fiancee's family and friends hail from Michigan, Mehner said the couple is worried about realizing their entire guest list.

"Jesus and people are what make our lives special, and that's what we want at the center of it all," Mehner said. "If we feel the wedding will lose that focus and that we can't communicate our love for those fundamental things, then we know we'll be making some big changes."

As wedding plans fluctuate, Mehner said it's important for family and friends to be understanding.

"Sometimes loved ones try to help, perhaps a bit too much ... but this situation requires a lot of flexibility and patience," he said. "More questions coming from people have a tendency to fuel an anxiety fire more so than actually being constructive."