MAKING CUSTODY DECISIONS DIFFICULT (LAST OF TWO PARTS)

People can be at their worst when fighting over their children.

Beautiful weddings, romantic honeymoons and joyous births are ancient history as people rush to end marriages gone bad. They want out, they want their kids and sometimes they want to hurt their spouses.

In the middle of everything are the children and a judge -- a judge whose decision will affect the family for many years.

In the 32nd Judicial Circuit, which includes Cape Girardeau County, judges take turns hearing divorce and child custody cases. Judge William Syler said no one relishes handling them.

"Even if the people are good and not trying to use the children against each other, you are still faced with a tough decision," he said. "You just can't keep a family together when there's a divorce. The child will be bounced back and forth."

There are a few things the judge legally isn't allowed to base his decision on -- gender or age of the children and which parent makes more money -- but there are several factors to be considered.

The judge may look at a special closeness between a child and his mother or father. Whether a parent plans to stay in the area or move elsewhere without a job waiting also may be considered.

While a parent's sexual preference or religious choice aren't the sole considerations when a judge awards custody, both likely will be considered, Syler said.

And when children are old enough, the judge may consider their opinions as well.

"The cases where one parent is obviously bad and the other good aren't hard," Syler said. "When both are bad or both are good, it's tough.

"Often it has to be a gut reaction -- what you think is best for that child."

Other parties besides the parents may be involved in the fight, too. The Missouri Division of Family Services becomes involved when there are allegations of abuse or neglect or when the judge asks the division to do a study on both parents.

Missouri DFS isn't involved in the Paul and Charolette House case -- one where grandparents are trying to keep their granddaughter from a mother they say is a lesbian and adherent of white witchcraft -- because DFS wasn't called with a report of abuse, Paul House said. Everything is being handled through the courts.

While she can't comment on specific cases, DFS Assistant Area Director Susan Elrod said there are many custody cases that don't involve the DFS.

In many others, however, investigators are involved and later are asked to testify in custody hearings. The DFS investigates every allegation of child abuse reported.

"Unfortunately, some people use the child abuse system thinking it will be to their benefit in the custody hearing," Elrod said. "Sometimes they don't really suspect anything but hope we'll find something."

No matter who is involved and what allegations made, custody cases are expensive. How expensive basically depends on the cooperation of the parents. If they're willing to let the judge decide and stick with his decree, proceedings are quicker and cheaper.

But in the House case, bills have mounted into the thousands for all parties involved. Paul and Charolette House estimate they have spent nearly $50,000 in legal, moving and transportation expenses to hang onto their granddaughter, G.G.

Paul House said legal costs are so high, he no longer can afford an attorney and is representing himself.

G.G.'s mother, Karen House, and her father, Paul "Freddie" House Jr., both have attorneys. Paul House Jr.'s is Herbert Kasten of St. Louis.

"It's certainly far from being the most expensive case, but it seems to have a lot of elements involved," Kasten said of the House's case. "It's not unusual for homosexuality to be involved, but that witchcraft thing ..."

Paul House Sr. said he believes he must withdraw from the case unless he comes up with a $750 payment due his granddaughter's guardian ad litem -- guardian for litigation purposes -- right now. If that happens, House said, G.G.'s mother probably will get custody.

Kasten isn't so sure.

"No court will say you must have the money or you won't get custody," he said. "But to prove these allegations, you must have money. There has to be a complete psychiatric evaluation, the guardian ad litem must be paid, and the Houses have attorney fees from back in Arkansas."

"But that's the way life is," Kasten said. "You can spend a lot of money in these cases."