KIDS AND THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT

Fear is a fuse that can be lit by circumstances beyond number.

Every adult knows fear, most having become acquainted with it on some level as a child.

"Everyone has fears, every child has fears," explained psychologist Ken Callis. "Most fears are temporary, or at least, from a development standpoint, expected at a certain age."

Fear of the dark is one of the most common childhood fears, said Callis, in private practice in Cape Girardeau.

Many parents find themselves wondering how best to help their children who are experiencing nighttime jitters.

Callis suggests parents first determine if the fear is age-appropriate. For instance, fear of the dark is not uncommon in 6-or-7-year-olds; however, if a teen is experiencing night fears, there may be other factors involved.

Anxiety about the dark is most often seen in younger children, explained Jeff Johnston, a licensed professional counselor. Johnston operates a private practice, Associated Counseling Services, in Cape Girardeau.

"Help them realize their fears are very normal," Johnston tells parents, adding that one of the parents' first reactions should be to try and make the child feel safe and secure.

Just how to go about that largely depends on the child.

"Parents are in a strategic position," Callis said. Because parents know the child better than anyone else in the world, they must rely upon that knowledge in assessing the situation and determining their response.

"Parents need to be calmly supportive," Callis said. "They should not overreact to the child's fear in either direction. You don't want to laugh, minimize, judge. The worse thing we can do is say, 'That's silly.'"

On the other hand, a parental attitude that is too sympathetic or attentive may backfire by reinforcing the child's worry, he explained. The child might interpret too much sympathy as meaning there is something to fear.

Dr. Richard Ferber, a leader in the field of children's sleep and sleep disorders, addresses bedtime fears in a chapter called "The Child Who Doesn't Sleep," published in a book entitled "Experts Advise Parents; A Guide to Raising Loving, Responsible Children."

He writes, "Your child needs to see that you will protect him from internal impulses as well as external threats. So, this is not the time for long searches, conversations, diversions or fights. Firm, consistent reassurance and setting of limits without losing your temper are the best approaches. Let your child know you are nearby."

Pinpointing the fear can be helpful. Callis suggests determining under what circumstances the fear arises. Overall, long-range solutions are best worked on in the daytime, that's when most conversation to determine the cause of the fear should take place, Ferber writes.

In his essay, Ferber noted that children easily become worried, concerned, apprehensive or frightened. Those anxieties might be in reaction to upsetting events, a response to an event that relates closely with where the child is developmentally, or they may be a direct reflection of current developmental struggles.

Johnston noted that a look at the family dynamics could well be in order. "Sometimes parents are exposing their children to adult issues," such as financial concerns and so forth, which can place undue burden on the child. Plus, if children are exposed to materials on TV or in movies that are too sophisticated, too much over them, it can be traumatizing.

Monsters, shadows and robbers are common culprits that seem to lurk in the dark. A child might know in his head there is no monster, but his heart tells him something else, Callis explained. "Then, it becomes a matter of logic versus emotion. When you're afraid, logical reasoning is not something you do."

Night lights may help reassure a frightened child. Bedtime rituals can help ease the child into secure sleep. "Develop these rituals that you do every night," advised Johnston. "That predictability can make children feel very safe."

Johnston also advises empowering children so they know what to do if they are feeling afraid. For instance, he said, let the child know it's all right to come knock on the parent's bedroom door if he is frightened.

"Don't force the child into an overwhelming situation so he'll feel like he's brave," Callis stressed. Such parental responses will only push the issue deeper.

Parents undoubtedly recognize if their child's expression of fear of the dark is a ploy for attention. In cases of true fear, such steps as a bedroll in the parents' bedroom may be called for, Callis noted.

While most fears are transient, if the fear is limiting the child, if it is interfering with his day-to-day functioning, then it may be time to consult a professional, Callis and Johnston agreed.

Though certain childhood fears may be common, people of all ages must deal with their own fears.

"If you're 4 or 54, if you're afraid of something, you're afraid," Callis asserted. "Fear knows no age."

Adults are not immune to fear of the dark, fear of the unknown. Darkness is deeply interwoven in myth and often associated with trauma, Callis said.

"There is something about when the sun goes down, everything looks worse," he said. "When the sun comes up, you look at it differently."