Kansas couple adopts eight children from around the world

WICHITA, Kan. -- They were born in countries that are continents apart.

But Wichita is where eight adopted children have discovered the concept of family.

And through their children, John and Karen Schlesinger have learned how to confront stereotypes, challenge beliefs and spread a message of universal love, the kind of love that transcends cultural boundaries and stereotypes. The kind that heals, teaches, trusts and celebrates all at once.

The children ranging from ages 3 to 13 came from China, Kazakhstan and Guatemala.

"To have this kind of family when I thought I wouldn't ever be a mom, period ... I guess I just got really greedy," said Karen Schlesinger, her high-pitched giggles accenting each word. "They're just amazing kids."

Amanda, 3, front, one of eight children adopted by John and Karen Schlesinger, stooped down to see what the photographer was doing Saturday as her other siblings play around in the backyard of their home in Wichita, Kan. They were born in countries that are continents apart. But Wichita is where eight adopted children have discovered the concept of family. (G. MARC BENAVIDEZ ~ The Eagle)

John, a test pilot for a local aircraft company, and Karen got married in 1997. For a year they kicked around the idea of early retirement and vacations or raising children.

They chose children.

International adoption

Since the couple couldn't have children on their own, they began researching adoption.

They'd watch friends who adopted U.S.-born children go back and forth in court, dealing with birth families and the child welfare system. They witnessed a friend's heartbreak when a birth mother's right to reclaim her child tore apart their family.

So they chose international adoption.

They knew friends who had adopted children from China, so, in 1999, they applied to adopt a toddler boy, Michael, and an infant girl, Kristine, who had spent most of their lives in the same orphanage.

In addition to navigating the adoption system, they had to win over family members.

John's father, a World War II veteran in his 80s, questioned why they couldn't adopt from Germany so the children's skin color matched their skin so there wouldn't be as many questions, Karen recalled.

They never pressed him, but talked through his feelings. Finally, he pinpointed the source of his angst: comments his parents made.

"Maybe my parents were mistaken," Karen Schlesinger recalled her father-in-law saying.

He wrestled with it, she recalls, until he concluded: "I've believed some things all my life that I cannot find a basis for.

"I'm going to love my grandchildren. I don't care what color they are."

He even bought a teddy bear for his soon-to-be grandchildren. He had a stroke and died New Year's Eve 1998, 21 days before their first adopted children from China came home.

"That was hard," Karen said. "It was really hard, but it was incredible."

Knack for parenting

The Schlesingers caught the knack for parenting quickly.

But there were difficulties.

Kristine, 10 months old, had spent most of her infancy lying on her back. Her head was flat. She couldn't even hold a bottle, Karen said.

"It took her six months to make eye contact with me, and, boy, would she just fight," Karen said. "I just rocked her every night. It would just freak her out. Then, one night, I felt her little body just relax. I looked down and she's looking me straight in my eyes and she stroked me on the cheek.

"It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, to gain this child's trust."

By 2000, the couple was ready to adopt again.

They didn't think China would grant them anymore children, but they knew someone who placed children from Kazakhstan in Central Asia. It took two months to complete the process to adopt 9-month-old twin girls, Anna and Michelle.

John, who had wanted a large family, was adamant about adopting again. "I wouldn't have wanted to go through what they have gone through," he said of his children.

Next, they looked to Guatemala. The trip was shorter, and the country didn't require them both to travel to finalize the process.

In 2001, they adopted an infant girl named Carrie.

"I had three in cloth diapers," Karen said, then jokingly added: "I was doing my part for the environment and it was a nuisance."

The couple had serious discussions about whether they could do justice to their five children if they adopted more. But visions of poverty-stricken children, those who didn't make it to the orphanages, coupled with their love of parenting led them to continue trying to provide homes to children in need. They vowed to be children's safety nets.

"We had the means," Karen said.

David, from Guatemala, came home in 2004. He was 3, and had lived in an orphanage his entire life. Several months later the family adopted his buddy, Miguel, who was one year older.

The couple wanted one last girl, and they found Amanda, who came home from Guatemala in 2005.

Family decisions

Every child added was a family decision, the Schlesingers said. And the family grieved when two planned adoptions didn't work out: One child's birth mother reclaimed her. And an older child had mental and behavioral challenges that the Schlesingers were not able to handle.

After Amanda, the family felt complete. Everyone agreed that it was time to stop adopting, Karen said.

"This is the most we can do," she recalls saying to her children. "We don't want you to do without and we're not one of those families where the older kids do all the parenting of the younger kids. We don't believe in that."

They blew through inherited money and nest eggs to adopt their children, at a cost of about $22,000 per child. But it's an investment they have no regrets about making.

"I just admire them so much," Karen said. "I do. I think my kids are just incredible people."

Michael, 13, describes his south Wichita house as "busy," what with taekwondo practices three times a week in Andover, attending school in the Rose Hill district, ongoing home renovations and seven younger siblings.

"You have to keep with the routine," he said. "But even with all of the things going on, there's still great time to have family time and have fun with each other."

John cherishes the family he's assembled. He likes showing them off even in grocery stores where the family often faces rude stares and comments or an overwhelming number of questions.

John and Karen take their cues from their children whether to talk, whether to "respond with grace" or whether to simply move along.

John said it's fascinating watching his children grow into their own. Kristine, now 9, is going to be a handy-woman, he said. She's right on cue, handing him screws or nails as he works on home renovations. Michael enjoyed working on four go-carts last winter, cutting metal pieces and welding on new parts.

Someday they'll tackle remodeling a Model A 1929 Ford, John said.

"I try to spend as much quality time now as I can because I know someday they'll leave the nest," he said.

The children say they don't feel like they're adopted.

As 7-year-old Carrie says, "I'm just a part of my family."

"I'm thankful that I have parents that could take care of me," Michelle, 8, said. "I'm also thankful that I have a lot of brothers and sisters to keep me company."