In last place, comes fitness!

"I'm going to work out right after math class," I tell myself consistently throughout the week. Math class comes and goes, and I take a nap.

Perhaps that's why I've gained ten pounds this semester. Well, that and the fact I eat every time I see or smell food ... or think about it ... or when I'm bored and it gives me something to do. And the sad part is, I make fun of those runners you see going up and down Broadway.

"Look at them. Running. What fools!" I say to myself as I laugh with my bowl full of jelly (and when I say bowl full of jelly, I mean both my stomach and the bowl full of jelly I consume on a daily basis).

Don't get me wrong. I do get to the SEMO recreational center one or two times a week ,but it discourages me every time when I see a 70-year-old man in better shape than I am, writing down his daily progress on a sheet of paper.

Feeling like I've wandered onto the set of a Viagra commercial, I make my way back to my car.

My workout routine consists of scanning the gym, picking out a piece of machinery that is both vacant and one that I know how to operate without killing myself or those around me, and making a few strained faces. Then I get up and repeat. It's as simple and awkward as that!

To add to the effect that I'm working out, I occasionally get a drink from the water fountain and let out a few macho-like exhales, loudly enough that the women running on treadmills (who could care less what I do) can hear me.

My favorite thing to see on campus, however, is the students (and some of the faculty) who insist on smoking a cigarette while climbing up these hills. I have enough trouble hauling the Angus burger I ate earlier up to Kent Library; much less something that's taking away my lung capacity.

All I can say is that I'm lucky to have fairly good genes and a fast metabolism. Even after my weight gain, I'm just at 160 pounds. Unfortunately I'm one of those people who gain weight unevenly throughout their body. If I gain much more, I'll simply look pregnant. I've seen pregnant women try to maneuver around things and try to sit down and stand up. It isn't pretty. Who knows -- maybe I'll be able to get a handicapped parking sticker if people begin to feel sorry for me.

I never thought I'd gain weight in college, but when your time is spent eating pizza while sitting in front of a computer at midnight, typing a paper that's due the next day, your health begins to take a nosedive.

Well, I'm going to go now. They have an indoor track that's ready for me to ignore.

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