HEIDI NIELAND BACK WITH WEEKLY COLUMN

It has been 126 days. That's 3,024 hours or 181,440 minutes since fans of humor columnist Heidi Nieland had their last fix.

But today she is back. The Southeast Missourian's most popular columnist will write each Tuesday.

Much has changed for Heidi and The Other Half since she wrote her last column in early November. They've moved south, make that way south.

It was a nine-hour drive to Southeast Missouri from Pensacola, Fla., where the two worked for the daily newspaper with a circulation of 65,000. Now they've moved even farther south, to Fort Lauderdale.

"Fort Lauderdale and Miami almost blend into one city," said Heidi from her home Monday. "We've moved from almost in Alabama to almost in Cuba."

Both Heidi and The Other Half work for the Fort Lauderdale daily newspaper, circulation 275,000. Heidi covers the education beat in Broward County, in which Fort Lauderdale is the largest city. Her husband, Jamie, designs sports pages.

Is this Sikeston native prepared for summer all year long?

"Over the Christmas holiday the temperature dropped to the high 50s and the big news program that night was about the cold snap," she said. "To illustrate how cold it was they showed the steam coming off cups of coffee at sidewalk cafes. The same story ran in the Pensacola paper saying it would be in the 60s all week, and the headline was: South Floridians to shiver until Friday."

Heidi feels south Florida will offer lots of fodder for her weekly columns.

"Amazing stuff happens here," she said. "One councilman worked to crack down on the town's image as the destination for college students on spring break. He wanted to make it more of a family place. They put a policeman every 10 feet and busted anyone for spitting on the sidewalk. That same city councilman, who also wanted to shut down the adult entertainment industry, was caught with a prostitute. The husband of the prostitute was hiding in the closet and videotaped it. He was a deputy sheriff. That kind of stuff routinely happens down here."

And no, Heidi emphasized, she's not pregnant. Ever since she turned 30 in December, that seems to be the question on everyone's mind.

"It's odd, you think you would accomplish a lot more before you're 30 than you do. Look at Britney Spears. You realize, Oh my God, I'm never going to be that. It's a harsh reality to face the things you didn't do in your 20s," she said.

For now, Heidi will concentrate on covering education, writing her column for the Southeast Missourian and "trying to tan my fat."

Eventually they hope to return to Missouri, but for now there is a draw to the water.

"We were raised in our formative years in a landlocked area. Now we're like lemmings to the sea," she said.

Heidi started writing her column for the Missourian in October 1994, and has continued it since leaving the newspaper in 1997.

Southern Florida, she said, is a very unusual place with an odd assortment of people. The National Enquirer is headquartered close by, but Heidi said, they haven't recruited her yet.

"I'm keeping my eyes open."