From behind bars, five killers offer a grim warning to youths

CAMERON, Mo. -- A lifetime of pent-up pain, fear and anger surged through the young man. In that instant of irrationality, he pulled the trigger.

Thirteen years later, the gunfire Christopher Bowers unleashed still haunts him -- as do the words a detective spoke after his arrest:

"Mr. Bowers, you killed a 16-year-old boy."

Just a teen himself, Bowers soon was introduced to the dehumanizing horrors of prison.

Now in "Lost Innocence," Bowers and four other convicted killers from the Kansas City area have written a book designed to help other young people avoid the bad choices and distorted thinking that led to their fates.

"I had two choices when I came here," Bowers said of prison. "To change for the better or become a worse person."

Saddled with the guilt of taking another person's life, and aching for a way to make amends, the authors of "Lost Innocence" concluded that they could make a difference by telling their experiences.

"The most valuable thing I have to offer is my story," co-author Kenneth Gilbert said. "It can provide, at least an opportunity, for people who have their foot out there on the ice a little bit, to see the consequences that might be coming for them."

Gilbert, like Bowers, committed murder while a teenager.

The book's other authors -- Sean Johnson, Enrique Padilla and Joseph Yeager -- were in their early 20s. They and Bowers now reside at the Western Missouri Correctional Center in Cameron, where they met recently with a Kansas City Star reporter. Gilbert, who is incarcerated at the Jefferson City Correctional Center, spoke with The Star by phone.

Bowers conceived the book idea more than two years ago and recruited other inmates to share their stories. Some he approached were concerned only with making money or looking good with the parole board.

Those who agreed to the not-for-profit project pooled their own money with help from their families to pay for an initial printing of 200 books, which they want to donate to schools, libraries and juvenile facilities.

All of the authors say they have made a conscious choice to change their lives. Not an easy thing in prison, where drugs are easily had, and gangs, violence and anti-social attitudes predominate.

Though each of their stories is unique, all had similar life experiences before prison.

Themes repeated in their stories include coming from a broken home, dropping out of school, domestic or sexual abuse, being bullied at school, low self-esteem, criminal behavior and gang membership. Abusing drugs and alcohol at an early age is something they all experienced.

But all emphasize that they don't blame anything or anyone else for their predicaments.

"It all boils down to the choices that we made," Johnson said.

Their life experiences serve as explanations, not excuses, Yeager said. The snowball effect of bad choices leading to other bad choices ultimately set the stage for their crimes.

"We set the stage for failure," Padilla added.

An important aspect of the work for each is expressing the shame and self-loathing they feel over taking another person's life.

From the family and friends of their victims to their own families, all five say they recognize how many people they hurt.

"I can't put into words the remorse and regret I feel," Yeager said.

For Padilla, striving to do the right thing shows "I've come too far to go back to where I was."

In the book's prevention section, the authors and other inmates discuss strategies for preventing or coping with the pitfalls of peer pressure, bullying, racism, gangs, parenting and family problems, premature death of loved ones, suicide, anger control, substance abuse and drinking and driving.

All of them agree that it is crucial for parents, teachers and other adults to become actively involved in their children's lives. Without strong, positive role models, young people have nothing to counteract the negative forces encountered on the streets and among their peers, they said.

Young people must feel that there are adults willing to help them.

"They have to have the courage to reach out to a parent or teacher, someone they can trust," Johnson said. "A lot of our downfall came from our failure to reach out and ask for help."

And while the authors discuss how going to prison probably saved their lives from the self-destructive paths they were on, they devote one chapter of Lost Innocence to making it clear that prison is an awful, frightening, lonely place.

Bowers, who wrote that chapter, describes hearing the wailing scream of a man who has just ripped open his own throat with a broken light bulb, and the sight of a teenager, crying and curled in a fetal position, after being gang-raped.

"Peace of mind, kindness and logic are foreign concepts in prison," Bowers wrote.

Lost Innocence presents the hard-earned wisdom of five killers' experiences to impart to children facing the challenges and choices that they contended with in their lives.

None ever envisioned himself as a murderer who might end up in prison. They all learned too late that the line between youthful stupidity and prison is a thin one.

"It's easier to get here than people think," Gilbert said.

The authors

Christopher Bowers, 30. Convicted of second-degree murder; sentenced to 17 years.

At age 17, he shot another teen outside Blue Ridge Mall following a confrontation inside the mall that continued outside it. Bowers grabbed a handgun from a friend and began shooting.

Kenneth Gilbert, 33. Pleaded guilty to first-degree murder; sentenced to life without parole.

While 18, he plotted with another teen to rob an older acquaintance. His friend lured the victim into Independence woods, where Gilbert shot him with a shotgun.

Sean Johnson, 37. Pleaded guilty to second-degree murder and assault; sentenced to 75 years.

While 21, he opened fire with a shotgun on a group of men outside a Swope Parkway liquor store. One allegedly had shot at Johnson previously, but Johnson killed a man and wounded another who had no connection to the earlier incident.

Enrique Padilla, 36. Pleaded guilty to unlawfully discharging a weapon into a building; sentenced to 22 years.

When he was 24, bouncers ordered him and a friend to leave a downtown nightclub. They returned with a gun. Padilla fired several shots into the business, striking and killing the owner.

Joseph Yeager, 40. Convicted of second-degree murder; sentenced to life in prison.

He was 25 when another man who claimed Yeager owed him $20 beat him at a Kansas City bar. Yeager returned with a gun and shot the man.

On the Web

For additional information or to order copies of "Lost Innocence," visit the Web site www.youthwhokill.com.For additional information or to order copies of "Lost Innocence," visit the website www.youthwhokill.com