Friends in smoky places: Barbecue festival features fun and food

I never experienced the laid-back festival atmosphere of the BBQ Fest until Friday night, nor did I understand the kind of guilty-pleasure trip I was in for as a showmanship judge -- the taste of barbecue, the tiki torches, the mixed drinks, the smiling faces and the unstoppable bribery.

By the time I was done I felt like a Mexican cop on a bender.

Free food, free drinks and my own navy blue BBQ Fest apron. All that before the judging even began.

There were four teams in the contest and the rules were broad. Basically, each team's job was to wine and dine and/or entertain four other judges and me to the best of their ability.

Along with my four colleagues, I went out to face the teams and receive a crash course in the spirit of the BBQ Fest -- food and fun.

First up was Three Men and a Grill, a team of, you guessed it, three guys dressed in colorful hula skirts, pig noses and shirts spelling out "P-I-G." Immediately Ken Carter, the "I," offered us each a jar of salsa.

I would later try it out and find it was pretty good, but not as good as the comedy "Three Men" provided. Carter, along with Kevin Ammon and Fred Held, sang a version of Garth Brooks' "Friends in Low Places" called "He's Got Friends in Smoky Places."

Ammon wrote the lyrics himself. The subject -- cooking a pig. The music -- out of time and tune. The result -- hilarious (especially with Carter constantly pulling up his hula skirt to reveal his pink shorts).

They were followed by the Kiwanis, who tried to woo us with The Village Porkers and Porkettes -- a cop, Indian, construction worker and cowboy with backing singer -- and their song "PORK." The bribes -- divinity, a pop-up book with a pig and their very own Kiwanis Juice, a sinister concoction that tastes like pink lemonade but has some rogue agent inside. Good stuff.

The next team, Bank of Advance, took the approach that they wouldn't try to make fools of themselves, just bribe us. In their own Margaritaville, complete with a sign, they served up margaritas in coconut shells and gave out cuts of delicious cooked pork.

The atmosphere was relaxed, and Jimmy Buffett sang from recording. The illuminated palm trees put on the extra tropical touch, and each judge was given a lei by a member of the opposite sex. Margaritaville was tops in hospitality.

But all would be outdone by the Backyard Grillers and Shakers, who fielded four cheesy white guys dressed up like Rastas in dreadlocks and tie-dye, singing another parody. To the tune of "Bad Boys" they sang "Barbecue, Barbecue. What you gonna do when the time is due?"

The kicker, one actually played guitar. That's real talent.

Talent was also the tasty Bahama Mama and the BBQ hash.

You can try some for yourself today starting at 11:30 a.m. in Arena Park.

msanders@semissourian.com

335-6611, extension 182