FIGHTING FOR THE FAMILY: SINGLE PARENT OF THREE STRESSES RESPONSIBILITY, NEED FOR EDUCATION

Editor's note: The following is the first of a series of three stories on black families in Cape Girardeau, which will host the first Black Family Reunion Friday through Sunday at Arena Park.

The answer to single parenting for Mae Thomas has been working full time to provide a stable home for her children.

Thomas never considered seeking government assistance, although today she knows she would have qualified for a number of programs.

She works for the Missouri Division of Family Service. She helps young, single mothers find a way to provide for their children.

Thomas is among a growing number of single-parent households. Single-parent families constitute 24.5 percent of all white families with children and 63 percent of black families with children.

While Thomas believes in taking responsibility, many of the young mothers she sees don't share her expectation of work to support their children.

"Especially the real young ones often come from families who have been in the system for years," said Thomas. "They just fall in line."

Often Thomas is held up as a role model in the office: single mother of three who works full time.

She has never been married and her children have different fathers.

The fact that Thomas is black has never been an issue, she said. The challenges she faces are similar to any single parent, regardless of race.

Thomas was born and raised in Portageville. She graduated from high school in 1978, and began working for a community service agency. In 1980 she had her first son, Byron. In 1982 her daughter, Tiffany, was born, and in 1983, her son, Jeremy, was born. "I lived with my mother all this time and had her to help me," she said.

In 1987, Thomas decided it was time to make a career move. She headed for Kansas City, applied for a job with the state and was hired. Eight months later she transferred to Cape Girardeau.

Being a single mother is tough.

"It never occurred to me that I wouldn't work to take care of my kids," Thomas said. In fact, she once turned down a chance to go to college because she felt a responsibility to provide for her family. Today she knows that programs are available to help single parents in the same situation.

For years, Thomas said, a two-parent household was her dream. But it isn't easy to establish a relationship, bringing children into the equation.

"Traditional families really aren't that traditional," she said. "The most important thing is to be there for my children, to teach them right and wrong, and to show them that I love them."

The children's fathers see the children occasionally and sometimes provide limited support. "I feel they do need to know their fathers, and I try not to say negative things about them," Thomas said.

Essentially she has raised the children on her own and thinks she has done an admirable job. She fears the toughest years are ahead.

In 1992, her oldest son was diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder, explaining some of his behavioral problems. He is living with Thomas' mother in Portageville, where he is close to cousins and other relatives. Thomas misses him and visits him almost weekly.

"I keep talking with my kids about how important it is to stay in school and get an education if they want to get a job or go to college," she said.

Her children will face peer pressure to experiment with drugs and sex. Thomas said her message is clear: Hang around friends who share the same aspirations and don't get pregnant.