DOWN ON SKID ROW

There I was, face down on Skid Row.

Soaking wet, feet strapped to something resembling a large tongue depressor, nose buried in snow; how had I reached this point?

What had possessed me, a pasty-faced, 31-year-old desk jockey, to try snowboarding?

The average snowboarder is half my age, a male skateboard fiend who takes to the slopes each winter to "catch some air."

Earlier, I could see them from my vantage point at the top of the Hidden Valley beginners' slope, called Skid Row.

They floated effortlessly over moguls, landing with soft thuds before curving into the next jump.

Staring down the hill, I felt suddenly... frail.

Holding my breath I inched ahead before twirling down the hill in slow circles, arms flailing, the rest of me rocking to and fro until in panic I dove for the ground as if in an air raid.

"I think you're a natural."

It was the voice of my grinning snowboard instructor, Roy Richardson, as he helped dig me out of the hillside.

Roy, 23, is already into his third season as a snowboard instructor. An art major at Meramec College, he's a die-hard sidewalk surfer who used to think snowboarding was "cheesy" until he tried it.

Now, he's a snowboard missionary, converting all in his path.

He assured me he's had students from age 6 to 60, none injured or dead, and explained that snowboarders actually suffer fewer knee and leg injuries than skiers.

I wasn't injured, so we headed back up the hill.

Next step: "turning."

I tried to listen, I really did, but the lesson was crowded out by, "What if I get hurt? Will workmen's comp cover snowboard injuries?"

Scuffling forward, I crouched a little, turned my torso and carved a smiley face on the hill.

Roy whooped, cheering me on.

Swoosh. I scooted back the other direction, down the hill, executing several modest turns before remembering, "Did we learn the 'stop' lesson yet?"

Instantly, my rump made a crater in the hill.

"Man, you are totally getting it! Most people don't start boarding backwards until they're way more advanced," Roy said.

I was "getting it," conqueror of the board, goddess of the bunny slope, totally thrashin' babe ... or I would be if I could get up.