DEAR ABBY

Dear Abby:

I never thought I'd write to you, but I've tried everything I can think of, and you're my last resort. How can I become the most widely syndicated advice columnist in the world?

Desperate

Dear Desperate: Try spiking plain old common sense with wit, wisdom and compassion, and you, too, can see your column in more than 1,900 newspapers. Write me, dear, and let me know how you're doing.

Abby -- or if you're feeling formal, Abigail Van Buren -- gets a lot of mail.

The advice columnist gets an average of 10,000 letters a week.

"Not all are problems. Some write to `unload,' and end with, `Thanks for letting me get this off my chest,'" she said.

When she's not answering letters from the lovelorn, lonely or luckless, Abby is Pauline Esther Friedman Phillips, 77, a happily married Beverly Hills mother and grandmother.

1996 marks "Dear Abby's" 40th anniversary.

Abby's star appeared on the horizon in January 1956 when Phillips told the editor of the San Francisco Chronicle that she could do a better job than the paper's current advice columnist.

She wrote some sample replies to previously published columns, and the rest is history.

The Chronicle published her first column on Jan. 9, 1956.

In less than two months, "Dear Abby" was nationally syndicated, and in 1957, Time magazine called her "the fastest rising star in the field of journalism."

All this from a woman who'd had no professional writing experience, but had been happily married for many years and raised two reasonably normal teen-agers.

She described herself as "an amateur Wailing Wall without portfolio," who had helped train volunteers for the American Red Cross and served as president of her local mental health society.

The name is a hybrid from the Old Testament (for Abigail, a very wise prophet in the Book of Samuel. It was said of her, "Blessed are thou, and blessed is thy advice, O Abigail.) and from Martin Van Buren, the eighth president of the United States.

"His name was selected because of its aristocratic, old family ring," she said.

Abby says she never gets tired of hearing other people's problems.

"I feel privileged to be in the position of possibly making a difference in the lives of so many people who are hurting, broken-hearted, laden with guilt or feeling helpless," she said.

Abby's mail runs the gamut from humorous to heartbreaking.

The content of Abby's columns has changed greatly over the years. She now regularly consults the experts and advises readers to seek professional help when they need it.

"During the first 10 years or so, most people read my column for entertainment," she said. "They enjoyed letters that were answered with witty one-liners. As time went on, my readers' expectations changed -- they began to look to Dear Abby as a source of reliable information on a variety of serious subjects.

"In the last 20 years, the subjects that have appeared in my column have ranged from living wills (the right to die), animal rights, AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, Alzheimer's disease, chronic depression, spousal abuse, prostate cancer and organ donation, to greater awareness for minority bone marrow donors. Although readers still want to be entertained, the nature of their problems has grown more serious."

Most of her mail centers on relationships. Whether the readers want advice on getting together, staying together or splitting up, they all figure Abby has the answer.

Quite often, Abby says, the writers know what they need to do. They just want to hear it from a third party.

That doesn't mean she's always right. And when she's wrong, her readers let her know. Quickly, and in great numbers.

"Recently a new wife complained because her husband called his parents twice a day -- even on their honeymoon," Abby said.

"I sided with the husband, believing him to be a very considerate son. Hundreds of readers pointed out that any man who calls his parents twice a day is still tied to Mama's apron strings, and that he was probably being manipulated by parents who demanded far too frequent communication with him. In rethinking my reply, two calls a day is excessive, and he should be more independent."

In 1985, "Operation Dear Abby" was kicked off, and during the holidays, thousands of servicemen and women annually receive mail -- and lots of goodies -- from Abby's readers.

"In July 1985, I received a letter from Mel Hebert, a U.S. Marine stationed in Okinawa," she said. "He said that many men and women in the military are lonely, especially during the holidays, and would I ask my readers to write to these lonely people. I did, and thus began an annual tradition that has resulted in friendships, courtships ... even marriages. Best of all, it has given the citizens of this country an opportunity to express appreciation to those who protect our freedom. Both the recipients and those who send cards, letters and boxes of goodies have a happier holiday because of it."

In 1987, nearly a quarter-million readers replied to Abby's fidelity survey. Non-cheaters outnumbered cheaters by 3-to-1.

She also recently began publicizing living wills.

She got the most responses in 1992 when she asked readers where they were when President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. More than 300,000 readers responded.

"Because so many readers responded and their comments were so poignant, I decided to publish a book containing their reactions to the tragedy," Abby said.

The book was released in November 1993.

"What do you think of the advice Dear Abby gives?

Ed Pinkerton, Jackson

"I just recently started reading Dear Abby, but I think her advice is great. I think it's a good place to go when people might need information on things that they might be afraid to ask somebody else."

Marion Harris, Cape Girardeau

"I guess it's good. If she's been doing it 40 years, she's giving pretty good advice."

Danielle Kipp, Cape Girardeau

"I think a lot of it is just common sense. Some of it I think is useful, but I think a lot of it ... if people would just think for themselves and actually just use their own brain and their own common sense, they would come up with the same answer. It's interesting to read but just for fun."

Bret Draayer, Cape Girardeau

"I think generally it's pretty good ... practical and down to earth, good advice."

Joe Jackson, Cape Girardeau

"I think it's great at times. There's a mixture with it. I think she gives good answers. It doesn't agree with the people all the time. It doesn't agree with me all the time but ... the majority of the time she gives good answers."