COVID + holiday stress

Prior to 2020, the holiday season was traditionally a time filled with parties, celebrations and gatherings with family and friends. This year, however, the usual holiday stresses -- present buying, money worries, holiday decorating and travel schedules -- are mixed in with COVID-19 stresses such as social distancing, family members quarantining or in isolation, separation from family and friends, mask-wearing and fear of getting the coronavirus.

David Dahlbeck, a health service psychologist at Ferguson Medical Group, a Saint Francis Medical Partner, said this time of year can already be difficult for people, "but then add the layer of COVID on top, which prevents a lot of things from happening that may help them through the season."

Someone struggling may find comfort in holiday visits from family members, but now with COVID, travel and gatherings are restricted, so the family isn't able to be present.

"These things that you typically rely on to help you through are now removed. So not only are you struggling with the seasonal depression but then you have the double whammy effect of not being able to use some of the skills that you normally would," Dahlbeck said.

Before COVID, social isolation was seen as one of the biggest predictors of depression, especially during the holidays. And now in 2020, self isolation has become the norm.

Brett Cheek, spiritual formation and teaching pastor at La Croix Church in Cape Girardeau, went so far as to assert, "No one knows anyone who's not dealing with more stress than they did this time last year. Usually when one person experiences more stress, there are people around them that aren't that can help them absorb the effects of it."

When many around the world are living with a base level of stress due to COVID, it comes as no surprise that clinics and churches are seeing an uptick in the need for support and guidance as the stresses bubble to the surface.

John T. Lake, a psychiatrist at SoutheastHEALTH, said he has seen a "dramatic increase in depression, anxiety, insomnia, low motivation and substance abuse in patients since the start of the pandemic."

Many people are experiencing something similar to the stages of grief due to so much loss associated with the holiday season this year, Dalhbeck noted. Patients are saying, "I can't do this, I can't do that, I can't travel, I can't see my family ... my grandma's in the nursing home, and I can't visit her."

"If you look at the grieving process, all of those things will elicit emotions like denial, anger, depression and then the final one of just trying to trying to come to terms with it," he added.

The holidays are a stressful time for many, and when topped off with the weight of COVID, are too much to bear, potentially resulting in seasonal depression or feeling "blue." As a third compounding factor for some, the holidays serve as a reminder of a missing loved one.

"Holidays are often markers that bring up things that aren't right in our life, whether that's a person, a marriage, a job, a stage of life, empty nesting or a broken relationship. Grieving is what love looks like in the absence of the thing that you love," Cheek said.

La Croix offers a service on the longest night of the year, Dec. 21. It's a service of acknowledging that life isn't what it's supposed to be.

"It's different in that there's not a sermon; there's not a teaching time. It's walking people through some songs, some Scripture and some prayers around looking to God in the middle of difficulty," said Cheek.

"There are two truths that we always have, and they don't exclude each other -- one is that life is tragic, and the other is that God is faithful, and they're both true at the same time," said Cheek. "The longest night service is to give space to people that are carrying the 'life is tragic' part pretty heavy right now."

"Holiday blues"

Keeping a routine is critical to good behavioral health, said Lake, including a regular bedtime, regular wake time, exercise (which could be as simple as a walk outside) and socialization if it can be done following CDC guidelines. He added, "It's important to try to avoid complete isolation. During the holidays if you can't be with family and friends, connect with them socially through a holiday Zoom event, social media or a phone call."

Dahlbeck encouraged being intentional in daily living as a coping mechanism.

"Be intentional with our day and what we put in it or what we do with it. So that means that we have to be purposeful with how we eat, making sure we drink lots of water or getting good sleep, or being physically active or making sure we connect with friends and family," he explained.

"Family and marital relationships are under a lot of strain right now due to social distancing. This needs to be acknowledged. If you're able to take a small vacation for alone time, that could be helpful. People cannot handle constant stress with no time for themselves," said Lake.

A good place to start if you're feeling an uncomfortable increase in stress, depression or not sleeping, is your family doctor. Most doctors' offices routinely screen for depression during regular visits.

Another way to cope, is checking in with your soul, suggested Cheek: "It is the thing that we bring to all of the other areas of our life, finding a way to care for that is fundamentally important, because that changes how I show up to work or how I show up to my family, how I show up to my friendships or how I show up to my even taking care of my myself in other ways. And so as people take care of their own soul, from my perspective that's it, that benefits everything else that they do."

Although it's common to feel stressed, sad or anxious because your holiday plans may look different during the COVID-19 pandemic, looking to 2021 may help bring positivity and possibility to the foreground.

Looking to New Year

When looking at any situation, and particularly the future, we have choices to make, said Dahlbeck, "We can focus on the negatives, or we can focus on the positives."

So, instead of looking at like all the things that were wrong about 2020, Dahlbeck suggested finding things to be thankful for, and what you're looking forward to for 2021.

"I think there's just a lot of power in gratitude," he added.