CONFIDENCE DISCUSSED AT WOMEN'S CONFERENCE

How should you respond to a compliment? Author and speaker Judith Briles recommends, "Thank you for recognizing my magnificence."

Taking credit for accomplishments is one of her 10 commandments of confidence.

Briles was keynote speaker for St. Francis's annual Womancare Conference Saturday in Cape Girardeau. About 300 attended the workshops on Saturday. An equal number attended the "Pamper Yourself" night Friday.

Author of "The Confidence Factor" and other books, Briles surveyed 6,000 men and women in researching the book. Of those, 4,000 came from the general population and 2,000 from the Who's Who of American Women listing.

She asked respondents about self esteem, "the regard, appreciation and caring you have for you." She also asked where that self esteem and confidence came from.

"We thought we would find that those successful women were sort of like Yuppies, you know young, upwardly mobile." Instead, the survey revealed the successful women were for the most part married with two children and over 45.

"The general public felt confidence comes from your upbringing," Briles said. "They said confidence comes from age, maturity, experience, failure, the school of hard knocks."

Briles said the accomplished women had 50 percent more crises in their lives than the general population. "And they had a 90 percent repeat factor; they went back and tried again," she said.

Men in the survey reported that having a good relationship or marriage not only made them more confident but it also made then able to earn more money.

Men also said when it got tough, they could turn to their family and friends for support, Briles said. The accomplished women, on the other hand, reported that when the going got tough, they turned to themselves and to their faith. Men said helping someone build their confidence. Women said having someone listen to them build confidence.

From her research, Briles has made a list of 10 commandments of confidence.

1. To your own self be true.

2. Create positive thinking.

3. You're not alone.

4. Learn something new.

5. Assess the situation.

6. Take credit for your accomplishments.

7. To aspire higher.

8. Don't bottle things up -- get some feedback.

9. Take care of yourself.

10. Keep in circulation.

"None of this stuff is very magical or mystical or new," she said. "It's common sense. It's just that common sense is not so common."