Conference gives grandparents tips on raising their grandkids

Paula Katt thought when she turned 64 she would be living the tail end of the American dream -- taking life easy, working in the garden or maybe doing a little traveling.

But rather than take it easy, she gets a 10-year-old boy ready for school. Instead of digging in the yard, she cooks his meals. And there's little traveling for Katt, except maybe to Wal-Mart to buy his tennis shoes or school clothes.

Katt's American dream -- and those of millions of other grandparents in the United States -- has taken a different form: She's raising her grandchild.

"I'm happy to do it," she said. "It's not hard, he's such a good little boy. But no, it's not what I thought I'd be doing."

Katt and more than 80 others in similar situations attended a grandparenting conference Tuesday at Centenary United Methodist Church. The daylong event -- sponsored by the American Association of Retired Persons, Community Counseling Center, Regional Arthritis Center and Southeast Missouri Area Agency on Aging -- featured interactive discussions that dealt with issues such as coping with resentment, getting a medical card or obtaining full custody of grandchildren.

But there was another purpose.

"What we wanted to do is provide these folks with the opportunity to get together," said Barb Mayfield, a licensed counselor and social worker and chairwoman of the conference planning committee. "We really hope this gives them a chance to vent."

'Silent heroes'

The keynote speaker, Amy Goyer, is the program coordinator for the AARP Grandparents Information Center in Washington, D.C. She spoke to the group, calling them "silent heroes."

"I want them to know they're not alone," Goyer said after her speech. "Sometimes they feel like they're the only ones doing this."

Quite the contrary. In fact, 4.5 million children under 18 are in grandparent-headed homes, Goyer said. That's an increase of 30 percent since 1990 and a 15 percent increase since 1997.

In Missouri, there are 64,080 children who live with their grandparents. That number represents 4.9 percent of all children under 18.

One third of those children have no health insurance and 27 percent are living in poverty, she said, explaining that grandparents who raise their grandchildren are 60 percent more likely to live in poverty than other grandparents.

Those raising grandchildren can't be defined by stereotypes, she said. For example, the majority of children being raised by their grandparents are white. They cross all socio-economic levels.

The reasons grandparents end up raising their children's children vary. Among them are substance abuse, teen pregnancy, or the death or incarceration of a parent, Goyer said.

"They're doing this because they love their grandchildren," Goyer said. "They're not doing it because they had so much fun the first time around."

Becky Atkins of Scott City, Mo., raised her first grandchild after her daughter got pregnant at 14. She later took on her second grandchild.

She went to the meeting to find out how to get financial help to pay for glasses and dental work. "But what I really wish I had more of is energy," she said. "I don't have near enough of that anymore to run around after them."

smoyers@semissourian.com

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