Sure, there have been plenty of times when oft-injured Southeast Missouri State pitcher Bill Clayton wondered if his comebacks were worth it.
But ultimately, Clayton -- who has undergone three surgeries in the past two years -- had no doubt.
"It's tough to deal with, and at this point in time you do wonder," he said. "Then you put the uniform on and get with the guys, and you see it is all worth it."
While Clayton, a senior right-hander, almost certainly won't pitch this weekend when Southeast opens the season at Tulane, he hopes to ease back into action during the Redhawks' second series, Feb. 25 through Feb. 27 at Southeastern Louisiana.
When Clayton does finally return to the mound, he'll know it was a long road back.
"I can't wait for the chance to pitch again," he said.
Clayton pitched his first two college seasons at SIU before transferring to Southeast. He had elbow surgery prior to his initial campaign with the Redhawks in 2003, but recovered well enough to go 4-3 as one of the squad's primary starters despite never feeling quite right because of shoulder trouble.
After that season, Clayton had surgery to repair a torn labrum. After extensive rehab, he appeared to be healthy and had high hopes for a big senior season -- as did Southeast coach Mark Hogan.
The hard-throwing Clayton had an impressive early outing at national power Alabama, but it wasn't long before problems again cropped up as he re-tore the labrum. He was lost for the season after pitching just nine innings, and wound up having surgery performed in Alabama by famed orthopedist Dr. James Andrews.
"Everything seemed to be going well last year, but it was just one of those things," said Clayton, who because he was hurt so early in the season was granted a final year of eligibility. "It was disappointing, but I just had to fight my way back again."
Which he appears to have done, thanks to more grueling rehab that Hogan said might have made a lesser individual throw in the towel.
"It's been tough for Bill, but I give him a lot of credit, how hard he's worked," Hogan said. "If he's healthy, he's a game-breaker, really special. It's a shame, because he looked so good at Alabama last year and then he got hurt again."
Clayton, from Chatham, Ill., which is near Springfield, was drafted in the 10th round out of high school and has been followed by major league scouts throughout his college career -- although he acknowledges that his hopes of pitching professionally have probably vanished.
"It's disappointing, going from the 10th round in high school to pretty promising college career to this, but those kind of things happen every day," Clayton said.
The personable Clayton prefers to look ahead instead of back. He's happy to be playing with younger brother Jim -- a freshman first baseman who is scheduled to start this weekend -- and knows the Redhawks have the potential for a strong season.
"He's going to help us a lot. It's great to have him here," Clayton said of his brother. "And this team has all the talent in the world. It's just a matter of putting it together."
Clayton, who if totally healthy would have been one of Southeast's top starters, doesn't know what role he'll fill in the rotation when he does return. That doesn't really concern him -- nor does the fact that he has experienced discomfort lately and the shoulder might continue to bother him.
"I don't look at it as winning a spot in the starting rotation. I haven't been able to contribute in about a year and a half, and I just want to help out," he said, then added with a smile, "Regardless of how I feel, you'll see me on the mound. Even if I have to cry when I pitch, I'm determined to pitch through it."
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