CHURCH PLANS HOLIDAY SERVICE FOR LONELY

Divorced and with most of his family in England, John Loader is reminded each holiday season how alone he is.

His feelings of isolation have deepened since last year, when he suffered a stroke that forced him into a Pasadena, Calif., retirement home. His only nearby relative is a son he sees occasionally.

He's hoping Christmas Day will be one of those times.

"He's very busy, and I don't get to see him that much," said Loader, 63, a former platemaker at the Los Angeles Daily News. "But people have their own lives to get on with."

While the holiday season means family gatherings for many, it can lead to depression, anxiety or lethargy among millions of others who find themselves alone.

"The loss of a spouse, friends or social network leaves you with nowhere to go. The holidays remind you of happier times when you had a lot of people around you," said Anand Kumar, a geriatric psychiatrist at the University of California, Los Angeles.

A Cape Girardeau congregation will sponsor a community service for people alone or filled with sadness and grief this holiday season.

Westminster Presbyterian Church will hold a community service Thursday for people suffering a loss or grieving over a loved one during the holiday season. The service is at 7 p.m. and will include an open communion.

It is intended to recognize the dichotomy of the season -- a time filled with happiness and joy and grief and sorrow. It is a service of Scripture, meditation and carols that focus on the presence of God.

Not everyone spends the holidays full of cheer and resounding joy, but even in the darkness God is with us, said the Rev. Miles White, pastor of Westminster Presbyterian Church.

Sometimes, though, that's just hard to remember. While churches sing "Joy to the World," and hymns of rejoicing, "there isn't much rejoicing in sadness," White said.

"In the reality of the manger is the shadow of the cross," White said.

Christmas is both a story of a savior and a baby born to an unwed mother at a time when a ruling leader set out to kill all male children under age 2. "They weren't living the good life," he said.

For people whose relatives have died, men and women marking their first holiday alone after a divorce or separation or families facing a relative's terminal illness, the Longest Night service acts to legitimize their feelings of loss and despair.

"We don't always talk about depression when we are hurrying through the holidays," White said. "Not everything is happy and sweetness. Not all of us feel that way all the time."

The service is being held on the longest night of the year -- winter solstice.

The church has contacted counseling services, hospice programs and community groups like Parents Without Partners and Beginning Experience in hopes of finding people who might benefit.

"Jesus came to the suffering and the lost and those that have needs," White said. "He is a reminder of the ultimate hope."

People feeling loss don't always turn to the church for help -- sometimes it is a stumbling block, but the service won't isolate those people who are feeling sad. "It legitimizes what they are feeling and 'offers comfort to my people,'" White said.

Sometimes people feel like they are broken with all that is going on in their lives, he said. "Our focus should be on Christ coming. He experienced suffering and that is what makes him able to identify with us and us with him."

The service will help people put their grief in perspective, White said.

Even he realized what benefit the service could have for him. White's father died two years ago in the fall.

"I'm in a place where something is missing in my life," he said. "There are those kinds of sore spots, the service gives an understanding of those melancholy spots."

The Associated Press contributed to this story.

IF YOU GO

Longest Night Service

*WHAT: A service for people struggling with grief, loneliness and sorrow during the holiday season

*WHEN: 7 p.m., Dec. 21

*WHERE: Westminster Presbyterian Church, Cape Girardeau