Cape woman discovers birth father through ancestry kit

Ashley Roney of Cape Girardeau tells an epiphany story, a tale of a recent life-changing discovery, straightforwardly.

"I'm 32 years old and for my whole life, I had not known who my biological father was," said Roney, a real estate salesperson and Realtor with Realty Executives Edge for nearly five years. Roney previously had been an adjunct biology instructor at Southeast Missouri State University for two years while also waiting tables.

"I grew up with the idea that someone out there knew about me but didn't want to be involved because of my mother," she added.

Roney was reared by her mother and maternal grandparents in Park Hills, Missouri. Ashley's mom did marry when her daughter was 4 years old, and Roney still refers to her mother's former husband as her father.

"But I was always curious (and) I didn't want to die not knowing where I get some of my features from," she said.

Taking the test

Roney has a 2 1/2-year-old daughter, Iris, whom she raises with her partner, Trent Hermsmeyer.

"I felt I was doing a disservice to Iris every time I did medical paperwork and not being aware if there were paternal genetic issues out there," she said.

So, Roney decided to use a genetic testing service to try to find out more.

"I ordered the (23andMe) kit and recently got the results," Roney said.

23andMe, according to the company's website, is a privately-owned, direct-to-consumer DNA testing company founded in 2006. It allows consumers to test for ancestry and for health risks. Use of the number 23 refers to the 23 pairs of chromosomes found in a normal human cell.

A week ago Friday, Roney clicked on the "first cousin" icon on her report and found she and her cousin, previously a stranger, likely shared grandparents.

"(The cousin and I) went back and forth all day long," she said, noting as a Realtor, her photo and other information are readily available on the internet.

After seeing Roney's picture on social media, the first cousin said, "I looked at your mouth and your eyes and knew you were Terry's daughter," Roney recalled.

By that same evening, Ashley was talking with her birth father, Terry Hardin of Farmington, Missouri, on the phone.

"He was close by all this time; that's crazy," Roney said.

"He never knew about me, never knew I existed," she added, discovering she was the product of a brief relationship of less than a month's duration between Hardin and Roney's mom.

"(My mother) didn't think it was possible that (Terry) was my father so she never informed him," Roney explained.

First meeting

On March 6, Roney laid eyes on Hardin for the very first time at a hastily-arranged meeting with members of his family -- now hers, too -- at Cape County Park North.

"He pulled up on his motorcycle and took off his helmet and I knew," Roney said.

"He's right around my height, and I'm 5-foot-3, and when I saw him it was clear," she added.

Hardin, 57, a mechanic, was emotional when asked by the Southeast Missourian about discovering he had a daughter.

"As soon as I laid eyes on (Ashley) I knew she was mine," Hardin said. "There was no doubt in my mind when I saw her."

"Terry and his family were so welcoming to me," said Roney, who proclaimed herself relieved to find out Hardin "didn't make a choice not to be part of my life the way I'd always thought."

Roney indicated her shock at finding a father must be matched by Hardin's surprise as well.

"Friday night, (Terry) found out he had not only a biological daughter but also a granddaughter," said Roney, adding Hardin has no other grandchildren.

"(Terry) told me it was one of the great regrets of his life not to have a daughter and suddenly, now he does," Roney said.

Roney said her first-ever in-person conversation with her dad at the park was authentic and free of pressure.

"When I got home Saturday night, I was exhausted emotionally (and) I felt as if I'd just run a marathon," Roney said. "Within 24 hours, I found out I had this whole other family."

Next steps

Asked when father and daughter will meet again, Hardin indicated Roney will set the timetable.

"We will again soon," Hardin said, "(and) whenever she's ready, we will."

Hardin, a man of few words, struggled to articulate his thoughts and emotions about a life-altering moment.

"Words can't describe them but what a wonderful experience it is to meet her (and) all I can really say is, I wish I had known 32 years ago," he said.