CAPE FAMILY LEARNING TO COPE WITH SON'S SUICIDE 4 YEARS AGO

Nearly four years after her son's suicide, Debi Oliver says she is "coping."

Daric was 16 and a junior at Cape Central High School when he killed himself a few days after Christmas in 1991.

Oliver and her husband, John, know all too well the effects a loved one's suicide can have on a family.

"I'm still devastated," she said. "Sports season, football season, holidays -- it's really tough. He played football from fifth grade on, so when football season rolls around it's really hard."

After Daric's death, Oliver spearheaded the establishment of a support group for people who have lost a loved one to suicide. But the community and local schools need more education and prevention, she said.

Daric was the third teen to commit suicide within two years in Cape Girardeau County, Oliver said.

"The schools would not and do not have teen suicide-prevention programs," she said. "They're available. I offered them. Other people offered them prior to Daric's death. These schools and others in the area continue to bury their heads in the sand. Twenty-five years of research has proven that talking about suicide does not cause youth to commit suicide. Instead, it helps defuse the situation."

Daric was in therapy for what the family thought was mild depression, she said. A registered nurse who is pursuing a master's degree in psychological counseling, Oliver said neither the family nor Daric's therapist spotted any signs of his intentions.

But Daric called some of his friends before he died and told them of his plans, Oliver said.

"Had the prevention programs been available, the friends he called the night he killed himself would have taken his threats of suicide seriously," she said. "He had called a few people. If they'd had the education, perhaps they would have known what to do."

Oliver said her son was intoxicated when he took his life.

"He died because he had alcohol on board, and a 16-year-old with that much alcohol on board could not possibly know the consequences of his actions. And our teen-agers do drink, and our stores do sell to teen-agers," she said.

Suicide is second only to accidents as the leading cause of death for teens. Every year 5,000 teens commit suicide, an average of a teen suicide every 90 minutes.

In her work with the support group, Oliver tries to teach survivors what to expect as they go through the grieving process, and how to deal with the pain and anger of losing a loved one to suicide. She also provides psychological support and resources to survivors.

"I try to meet whatever needs they have at the time," she said. Reaction within the family will vary depending on what role the deceased filled.

"It depends on if it's the mother, the child, a spouse or a child whose parent committed suicide," she said.

Oliver is also working to establish training for police officers, ambulance workers and others who come into contact with suicides and other critical incidents to help them cope with such situations.

"Research shows long-term problems arise if the individual does not receive some type of support after the incident. The sooner, the better," she said.