Be There for Them: How to support someone you know who has cancer

“You have cancer” is possibly one of the heaviest statements someone could receive. Between the rush of panic, despair and isolation, there are many emotions to process when someone has been diagnosed with cancer. When this happens, their world is shaken and a list of questions arise, ranging from, “How am I going to survive this?” to “Who is going to help me?” Here are some ways friends and family members who want to support those they love who have been impacted by cancer can do so in a loving way. Let’s help them fight this.

__1. Show up and stay with them.__

One of the most important ways to show someone you care about their best interest is to physically be there with them. Take them to their doctor’s appointment. Stand beside them after they receive news.

“Be present. The more you sit with them and the more that you are there for them, whether you are a family member or a professional, [they know] that you’re not just making a one-stop obligated visit,” says Emily Copeland, cancer navigator at Saint Francis Healthcare System. “Continue to show up, being a listening ear then that sticks [with them] and is available when a need does come up.”

Don’t let fear or lack of comfortability scare you away from sticking with the person. They need you now more than ever.

__2. Help them find a way to cope.__

Take your loved one away from the specialists and tests for a while by discovering ways they can find joy through different activities. Depending on the person, their needs are going to be different, so the activity will vary, too.

“Having people around is really important, but there is going to be other times where some people [become quiet, and] that is how they are going to cope,” says Melanie Baxter, genetic counselor at Saint Francis Healthcare System. “They may not be one to turn directly to people, so I think also finding some sort of mechanism of meditation, relaxation, yoga, exercise, some outlet helps them to also [release] some of that energy and emotion that they are feeling [is beneficial].”

Journaling is also a practical way for patients to express and work through their emotions when they can’t find the words to say out loud.

__3. Treat them as the person they were before the diagnosis.__

Most people with cancer do not want to be treated solely as a person who has a cancer diagnosis. These are the people we cherish deeply, so let’s not forget they are the same incredible people they were before the diagnosis.

Beth Altenthal, nurse navigator at the Southeast Cancer Center advises, “I would encourage patients to have open communication, even if that means having difficult conversations. Cancer can be very scary, and people need to talk through it without fear of what they are saying or feeling. It’s important to not let your cancer define who you are. When you have cancer, you are still the person you were before diagnosis — a mom, a grandfather, an athlete — and whatever that life was pre-cancer, it is a life that is still worth living.”

These are some simple ways we can support and serve the courageous people who fight cancer. Let us show them they are not carrying this burden alone.