AT HOPE & MAIN: ARETHA HAS RESPECT; PARENTS EARN IT

R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Aretha Franklin cranked it out at Radio City Music Hall about two weeks ago, compliments of my television set. Franklin is still the queen of soul even with the Backstreet Boys as back up. No pun intended, this is true.

Whatever happened to respect? There's an immense shortage of it. The respect we showed adults has eroded like a rotten tooth. The idea still exists, only it's corroded and pitted with little cavities that eat away at it, leaving at its core a word wrapped up in nostalgia, so that the hope to keep it alive still lingers.

When I was growing up, there was an unwritten code that insured adults of their respect. The one liner, "children should be seen and not heard," said it all. Said in the right tone, you knew you were treading on thin ice. If you even dreamed of pursuing a conversation at all, it meant punishment of some sort. Sometimes just being IGNORED, having no response, was punishment enough.

You give them an inch ... they take a mile. I never was nor will be a strict disciplinarian. I always wanted to be the nice guy. I'm learning that we must earn respect from our children. IT IS WORK. Until about a decade ago, I always gave explanations. I never liked hearing "because I said so," as a child. Now I've learned better. You can't be a friend and a parent. It just doesn't work.

Let's take proper titles for instance. A decade ago I would've been inclined to say that Mr. and Mrs. were unnecessary formalities. Now I'm not so sure. Perhaps by not enforcing these things, we've become too tolerant. Maybe we've let too many things slide. But have we lost the crusade? Absolutely not. Not as long as we're still in the driver's seat.

Because of tolerance, the upcoming generation is growing up accordingly. Evidence in the workplace is common. If young employees are to work as a team, they need to know the definition of respect:

(Verb) 1: to consider worthy of high regard:

ESTEEM 2: to pay attention to (respected their wishes).

Their position as well as their co-workers and possible customers should be considered of high regard and worthy of paying attention to.

The most primitive level of respect begins with consideration for others. The best thing the school has ever sent home was The Top 10 Rules To Live By -- Responsibility. Posted on my refrigerator they stand like brave soldiers, ready to back me up on my journey through sometimes hostile territory. The rules are about consideration for others, cleaning up after yourself, asking permission to use what's not yours and having a good attitude.

Who's to blame? In this generation there are various influences in children's lives that are responsible for their ideas on respect. Unfortunately, it has become more complicated because as parents we think we have less control. We as parents are to blame, especially when we don't insist that day-care centers, teachers, churches and people our children spend time with don't enforce our values of respect. I cannot leave out TV, which has a heavy-duty effect on children's attitudes toward respect, but will save the entire issue for a later date. The point is we need to unite and find some common ground. We need to see where we're going and do the work it takes to enforce the respect we deserve. After all, respect is not just acquired, it's earned.

In my generation there weren't as many influences and yet they were all united.