Anyone having a TV party?

Ah yes. New Year's Day is fast approaching and that means you better go along with the tradition of making one of those useless resolutions. I'm still trying to think of mine. Should it be to start having a little more fun? Should it be to drive safer than I usually do? Or should it be to never look at Michael Jackson's face again? Ohh ... I like that one. Well, folks you heard it first. My New Year's resolution for 2004 is to never look at Michael Jackson again. Excuse me while I jab my eyes out with a couple of steak knives.

The reason why I mentioned I feel like I should have more fun is because of an ad I saw on TV the other day. It was a guy and a girl buying some "beverages," and in the next scene they're at this great party where everyone's dancing and having themselves one heck of a good time. I thought to myself, "Where in Missouri am I going to find a party like that?" I thought and I thought as long as my 15-minute break would allow and I concluded that the only place I could find it would be in my TV screen. I compare the ad to what I'll most likely be doing on New Year's Eve.

"So what are we gonna do tonight?"

"I hear there's a party out at someone's farm."

Of course! Let's go out to a place where we'll be freezing cold, have the annoyingly drunk people harass us, and step in a random pile of cow crap.

Gee ... let's go! I feel like I need to find someplace important to be standing when the ball drops. It's the beginning of the new year and it needs to be somewhere worthwhile.

Last year, I was just standing in a complete stranger's house with other complete strangers around me. When they all screamed, "Happy New Year!" my friend looked over at me and calmly said, "I've had my hands in my pockets all year." Now that was one heck of a New Year's.

One year I remember sipping champagne and playing Uno. As you must know, I live life in the fast lane.

I don't know what to do. I know I'm not staying home, because I feel like these walls are slowly sucking the life out of me. I'd like to go out, but wasting gas is what I'd most likely end up doing.

If anyone has any idea of a good place to go for New Year's I'll give them $12,000 and a Snicker's candy bar. So please, don't hesitate to e-mail with some inside information.

Well, I guess I'll go curl up into a ball, eat some applesauce and cry as I watch the actors inside my TV have parties that us Missourians can only dream about.

Sam Dereign is a senior at Oran High School. E-mail him at sdereign@semissourian.com.