THE LATEST LINE: PANIC IN THE STREET: SE NEWS RELEASE A MAJOR FLUB

I've received some strange press releases over my years as a sportswriter, but the one that Southeast Missouri State University sent out last Tuesday just might take the cake.

Here is the entire release issued by SEMO's news bureau:

"Southeast Missouri State University announced today that local enforcement authorities notified university officials of two incidents over the past three days allegedly involving several Southeast student athletes.

"Investigations are under way by local law enforcement authorities. The university will monitor the process and release further information when notified of the final conclusion of the investigations."

That thing must have broken the all-time record for vagueness. No who, what or where any place to be found.

Was somebody murdered, raped, pillaged, knifed, punched in the face or merely spit on?

Was a business robbed, burglarized, looted or merely missing a snicker's bar?

Through that release, we had no idea.

After a bit of digging, I was able to determine that the two incidents in question have resulted in no charges or arrests and, in the overall scope of our society, would be considered minor at worst.

The incidents allegedly were a misdemeanor assault last Monday night in Cape Girardeau and a fight early last Sunday morning at the Purple Crackle nightclub in East Cape Girardeau, Ill.

As for the alleged assault, a spokesman with the Cape Girardeau Police Department said it wasn't a serious matter and no sound evidence points to Southeast student-athletes being involved. The victim, who said he had been punched and knocked down, reportedly suffered a cut on his head and a bump on his elbow.

As for the alleged fight, some SEMO student-athletes and some members of the Purple Crackle security force evidently scuffled, with some patrons also perhaps being involved.

Now, let me say right now that I do not condone barroom brawls. But who hasn't gotten into a scrap when they were that age? And if a press release was issued any time some college kids got into a fight, there would be no paper left in the world.

If some charges had been filed, or some arrests had been made, a news release would have certainly been in order. Perhaps a release might also have not been a bad idea if at least a few more details had been included.

But to issue such a lame release that no doubt put a lot of questions in many people's minds was totally irresponsible. Even some of the local media played it up like a major, breaking story, yet nobody knew what was even involved.

In fact, when the release was sent to the Southeast Missourian, we originally hadn't even planned doing a story because the release was so vague and basically told us nothing. But we decided, in order to quell the sensationalist approach of some of the other media, the public deserved at least a few details.

In the future, SEMO needs to at least wait a while longer until some more facts are in. A release like that serves absolutely no purpose at all.

~Marty Mishow is a sports writer for the Southeast Missourian