Summer grooming is out

Summer has officially come for me. As soon as that last bell rang, the sunshine came a knockin' at my door and it was time to get this season rolling. Actually, it was more like thunderclouds and humidity, but who cares? It was time to get that party started!

Oh wait, I'm from a small rural town in Southeast Missouri. Never mind.

One thing I noticed as the school year progressed was the students' decreasing motivation to get ready in the mornings (including myself). In August, we all come in the first day with our cool Abercrombie back-to-school styles. By May, we're lucky if we take a shower and change out of our pajamas before making our way into class. I, myself, have taken on the ultimate sign of laziness when it comes to apparel: flip-flops. Yeah, it's come down to that. But it feels so good É so very good.

And now that summer's here, what are you teachers and students going to do? Travel? Get in better shape? Eat a ham sandwich? If you think about it, summer is a lot like New Year's in that we feel the need to do something creative or productive with the extra time given to us.

My first day off, I woke up at 9:30 a.m., which I thought was an accomplishment in itself. Now that I had achieved that feat, I definitely had to do something else that would make me feel better about myself. So I sat down on the couch, turned on the TV and began to think. Unfortunately "MadTV" came on, and my will to do anything else was blown away.

"The gym doesn't close till 9 tonight," I thought to myself with hope.

After going back to school to help finish up the yearbook and running in track practice, I figured I had done enough with myself that day. That's one thing I don't understand. How do people enjoy running? They say it's supposed to free your mind and relieve your stress. The first step I take, I immediately think about how good a glass of water sounds and that my lungs feel like shriveled prunes. Anyway, I figured that nice run was exercise enough. Who needed a gym?

I was also told I needed to shave a couple of days ago, but that doesn't matter now that school is out of the way. Besides, it was a female who told me that, and they have no idea the pain guys go through while shaving. Sure, you women shave everything else on your body, but not your face. If you knick yourself, you can just cover that right up, can't ya? With guys, it's a mental battle between us and the razor.

"I'm not going to cut myself on my Adam's apple," I tell myself every time.

One time, I actually did make it all the way through without doing that. I became so relieved that I took the razor away from my face too fast and sliced my chin open. No one ever told me a major artery ran through my chin, so I proceeded to sit on the couch sticking tissues to my face.

I hope everyone enjoys their time off, and be careful. Oh, and when thinking of the day's plans I've got one bit of advice: Stay away from the television. You never know when "MadTV" might be on.

Sam DeReign is a graduate of Oran High School. Contact him at sdereign@semissourian.com.