Former Cape County prosecutor speaks at Respect for Law event

Cape Girardeau County Prosecuting Attorney Chris Limbaugh described his predecessor’s time as a defense lawyer in Colorado as going “undercover.”

Although Morley Swingle admitted the role was foreign to him, and less fun than being a prosecutor, he shared a few colorful stories from his time in Colorado at the Respect for Law event Thursday at the VFW.

“I applied at prosecutors’ offices in Denver, and they said, ‘We only hire people straight out of law school,’” Swingle said. “I said, ‘I’m going to whip your tail every chance I get.’ ... You don’t get respect from people until you beat them.”

He gave a pithy summary of a few cases, which he gave Perry Mason-esque titles similar to the chapters in his book “Scoundrels to the Hoosegow.”

There was the case of the poorly planned suicide.

A heartbroken man shot himself in the head on the front porch of his ex-girlfriend’s house.

The bullet went through the man’s mouth, out his forehead — missing his brain — and into the overhanging ceiling.

The Elbert County prosecutor charged the man with the felony of knowingly shooting into a dwelling, normally meant for drive-by shootings, Swingle said.

“This is ridiculous,” Swingle told the prosecutor.

Swingle had a medical examiner ready to testify when the case received a deferred judgment.

There was the case of a noisy neighbor.

A woman said she saw a man pushing his significant other one night through her window, but Swingle later found two witnesses who could confirm the woman was lying.

“She lied to police because her son wanted to date the woman,” Swingle said.

Swingle filed a motion claiming the prosecutor planned to put perjured testimony on the stand, and the prosecutor dismissed the case without telling him.

Swingle told the story of a profane painter with the most zeal.

He offered painter Buffalo Kaplinski his services at a much lower rate when Kaplinski mailed his daughter about putting his ranch in her name. The problem was the daughter had an order of protection against the 70-year-old artist after a particularly spectacular argument.

“Think of the person who cusses the most and triple it. It was a marvel to listen to him curse,” Swingle said of Kaplinski. “The goofy Colorado prosecutor charged him for violating an order of protection.”

Swingle’s closing argument at the subsequent trial referenced the famous Wendy’s commercial from the 1980s.

“Where’s the beef?” Swingle said. “You should ask where’s the beef in this case. ... They deliberated for eight minutes for a not-guilty verdict.”

Swingle now works in the armed-offender unit for the St. Louis prosecuting attorney’s office.

Trooper Ronald Eakins and criminalist David Warren of the Missouri State Highway Patrol; Cape Girardeau County Sheriff’s deputy Alan Nobles; Sgt. Jeff Bonham and officer Brian Eggers of the Cape Girardeau Police Department; and Cape Girardeau police chief Wes Blair all received awards at the event.

bkleine@semissourian.com

(573) 388-3644

Pertinent address:

1049 N. Kingshighway, Cape Girardeau, Mo.